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Eating & upset

4 replies

claireroberts81 · 15/04/2014 16:21

My 10 year daughter seems to have problems dealing with serious upset such as a death in the family and so on. I have noticed that if she has a lot to deal with at school or if there is an issue at home out of our control, then she doesn't cope well. In Oct, there was a lot of stress in her little life and it seemed to make her physically sick and then she become to worried about eating because she thought if she eat, then she would be sick again and again. This frame of mind happened again last week. My mum, who my child is very close to, went on holiday for 5 days and the second day in, my child was physically sick, very down and upset. She then went on to not wanting to eat because it seemed every time she eat something, it made her sick. It got to the point where she told me she was worried about dying. Because she see my father not eating and he become seriously ill towards the end and passed away, she now thinks that she will die too. I have tried to explain to her that the difference with grandad was he had cancer and was very ill with it amongst other problems he had. It is very upsetting to see my child not eat, and as it did before in Oct, it takes a long long time to build up her confidence again and try and make her want to eat. She is fairly thin anyway. She is very active and i recall being very slim when i was her age. I just don't know what to do every time there is a serious amount of upset in her life, i know it will have an affect on her eating and or possibly keep making her physically sick.

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trumpfamily · 15/04/2014 16:49

My daughter also was a worrier and I bought some worry dolls from Oxfam (Amazon sell them), you place them under your pillow at night and they take your worries away. Simple but really helped. Why not make a memory book of her Grandad, you can both compile the book and use the book - you both then get the benefit of some reflection of a loved family member's life and role in your lives. I'd probably also make a happy memory book for the entire family and suggest that she looks at the happy memories when she is feeling overwhelmed with life in general. With regards the eating I'd not speak of it or mention it in her ear shot but try to involve her in menu selection, shopping for food and preparing food - distract her with conversation at dinner time so that hopefully without realising it she is tucking into a healthy meal prepared by herself. Good luck.

claireroberts81 · 15/04/2014 17:05

The memory book is a lovely idea. Thanks for that. And yes, i may even consider the worry dolls. They are cute and she could possibly speak to them at night if she wanted i suppose. I have now started to make conversation with her at meal times too, to try and distract the eating. I must admit, it has worked a couple of times :)
I have tried to get her involved in the shopping list, letting her decide what we have for breakfast, lunch and dinner and i am trying to get her to help me in the kitchen prepare meals too (but unfortunately the Nintendo DS is more over powering them helping mum in the kitchen :(
I'm now worrying myself though. I don't want to make a fuss of the situation but then i don't want to do or say something wrong either that will upset her again. My mum came back Sat, and we went round to see her and my daughter had lunch there, didn't eat much at all really, but slowly she is starting to eat little and often, but i don't feel its not enough really. If you add up everything she eats and drinks in a day, it would amount to a big breakfast and that's it. Thanks for your reply though. I'm very grateful for that.

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MissRatty · 19/04/2014 20:19

Your post could have been my mum writing this about me! I was very much the same as your daughter, and to this day when I get stressed I become sick and will not eat, it is how the symptoms of stress manifests itself in me.

Although it is totally normal for you to worry, try not to show your daughter that you are worried. This for me made me more anxious as a child and worried that "I might die" if I didn't eat. I would definitely recommend getting her involved in food shopping and preparation if she is willing to (if not, don't put on any pressure) as this will give her an element of control and perhaps she'll recommend meals that she really fancies and may be able to eat. Try not to focus on her not eating, and if she can't finish a meal or does finish, try not to put any emphasis on this. Just be casual about it even though internally you are really worried.

The idea given above is a fantastic one, and I would definitely give your daughter a chance to talk about things that may be worrying her and try to reassure her, as you have already been doing. If it continues to be an issue, you can raise it with her and say that you are worried about her, but try not to do it in a manner which might alarm or upset her. You can offer to visit the GP with her and she can be referred on for specialist help if it is needed, but hopefully it won't be needed.

Big hugs to you and your daughter x

claireroberts81 · 25/04/2014 20:46

Thanks for your kindness and support. I am very grateful. I can only imagine how hard it must be for her, as it is for me. SO far, so good. She seems to be back on track with the eating and i have took on board your suggestions and personal experience feedback. I have never used this website and i must admit, it is really very useful. Feels strange getting help from complete strangers, but its nice to know that im not alone and that others have been through the same. xxx

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