6.5 yr old scared to poo on the toilet...

[Chuckymuffin]

.... up until about 8 weeks ago, DS has always pooed in nappy pants. He potty trained (wee) at just 2 years old and I think the pooing issue came about because he always insisted on standing up, therefore the opportunity never really arose. It's never really been an issue, he's just done it after bath every evening and if we were out he would just wait until we got home (as he got older, I always refused to carry a nappy and wipes with me wherever we went!), and even though my OH (we are divorced) hated having to change a dirty nappy (more a proud thing, I think) it never bothered me as I just thought he'd get out of it when he was ready. Obviously, sitting on the toilet to do a poo was always encouraged, and DS would happily sit on the toilet but just couldn't connect that with doing a poo. Bribery with Lego Star wars had no effect. That's how bad this phobia of pooing on the toilet was!!
Anyway, about 8 weeks ago, I don't really know how it came about, but DS one evening, just went and did a poo on the toilet. He insisted we get rid of nappy pants stating he wasn't going to use them again and fair play, he hasn't asked for them. On average he's been going every 4-5 days on the toilet, until the past 2 weeks and suddenly, he refusing to go, crying and getting himself worked up, saying he's scared and it's going to hurt when he goes. I've asked if it's hurt before, he says no. He just keeps saying he's scared. He hasn't asked for nappy pants and I really don't want to start with all that again when he's come so far, but I've gone from being lovely, patient, kind mummy, to just telling him to do what he wants and leaving him to it and stropping off. I feel awful and I don't feel I'm helping by getting stroppy with him, but I can't help myself. I've said everything I possibly can to encourage/help/persuade him, but I'm all out of ideas as to where to go from here.
I've looked online for several years and read up on other children (mainly boys) that have struggled with it, but I think I've exhausted all those avenues now and wondered, does anybody have any experience/ideas as to what I can now do.... pretty please!

You are past the point were you can do anymore yourself.

You need some outside help. It sounds psychological. He should be checked out.

My son has this, but was much younger, he was fixed by a book called, Ollie helps poo go home to pooland.

I would speak to health visitor. I know how you feel when you get wound up, I did too, this makes it harder.

It sounds to me like he was trying, but then has got a bit constipated, as obviously 4-5 days is a long time to go. Explain that if you don't go often enough, it makes the poo hard and then it does hurt a bit to come out. This is what has happened. I would get some laxative (something gentle to start with) and explain that it's going to make him want to go and make the poo soft. Also ask if there is anything that could help him feel better. Maybe some music or sitting on the toilet whilst he plays with a DS or a phone. I would keep giving him something mild like lactulose till he gets really regular (every day). Poor little thing.

Please talk to your GP about this. Elder is right. This is now a psychological issue which needs to be resolved. In the meantime, make sure he is drinking lots of liquid and eating lots of fruit (not bananas) to try and make it easier to poo.

I would see a GP. There are medications you can take to soften poo so that it will not be sore. It sounds like there has been a physical cause to his reluctance to poo at least initially. I think it's best to rule any physical cause out first such as constipation or a fissure etc.

Just adding that going every 4-5 days would be classed as constipated, I think every 2-3 days is the limit.

(My daughter has had chronic constipation in the past - she is on a long term regime of movicol).

I could have written the first part of the post myself about my DS!! He was 6 before he'd poo on the toilet (school etc was never an issue because like your DS he was extremely regular - same time every night).
But once DS started going on the toilet he never looked back and he's fine now.

I agree with the other posters who have suggested that maybe he's constipated. I would either speak to the GP or maybe even the pharmacist to get some sort of softeners.

I have to say that even now my DS gets constipated if eg he doesn't eat a high fibre cereal every day and plenty of fruit & veg. Unlike my DD who if she has too much fruit etc it gives her the trots!

I spoke to the HV over the initial poo issue and they were very reluctant to get involved, I think maybe the problem is more common than we think!