Baby having operation, talking to people doesn't help...

[slugsonmypeasgrr]

Hi I just need to get it off my chest I think. My lovely, happy baby boy has to have a kidney operation in January, he will be 7 months. I am 100% behind the healthcare professionals, we've had lots of tests so I know it needs to be done and am outwardly very calm about it but inside I feel as though my heart was falling through my boots. I am quietly terrified. I know he will more than likely be fine, but there is a small chance he could die - he has to have GA, they will cut him open, take some of his body away, reattach other bits, get a tube fitted which will come out of his body to drain urine via the cut in his back and we will have at least 2 nights in hospital, with all the bugs and things that go around in there. We will be in St Georges in Tooting which is absolutely huge and looks like a Soviet era gas plant and I am worried it will all be absolutely overwhelming, not to mind being like sleeping in a bus station. I talk to my DH and family and friends about it very rationally and calmly because that is what is needed, everyone is looking to my reaction and I feel as though I am holding everything together, they all jump on my positive outlook and say things like 'you're handling it so well', 'you're amazingly positive' etc and I feel as though they are all hugely relieved. It's weird because that is what I want but a small part of me wants to go and hide in a box with my beautiful boy and not let anyone touch him. Can anyone identify with this? Any practical advice on a hospital stay with such a small baby? Just hoping I'm not the only one...

Apart from when the medical staff are busy with him, you can look after him however you like, as long as it doesn't interfere with his treatment - so cuddling to sleep, whatever! Take his familiar blanket etc, too.
But not a massive suitcase, there is NO space. Get your DH to bring you a clean pair of knickers and top every day and take home the old ones.

I'm sure it will be fine if your older DS comes in with his Dad at visiting times - it isn't the same as having to manage him single handed while also dealing with the baby's tests. Anyway, you can go for a walk with him while your DH sits with the baby for an hour, or something. Or you can do a day at home with your DS while your DH does the day time hospital shift - DP and I always took it in turns to do the overnight shift , with me appearing in time to do the morning bf. They are quite strict about visiting times for visiting children and extended family, but not for the pateint-child's parents.

My DS4 is 6.5 months and he had his cleft lip repaired earlier this month. The worst bit is the waiting. Make sure you bring things to do to distract you during the operation. I do the putting on a brave face too and get all the comments from other people about how well I'm coping. We didn't have our older boys come and visit because they were settled with their GP's and he was only in for one night. They came and visited when he was born and n NICU though. How old are your older DC? My DS1 and DS2 used to like sitting by the cot and reading to DS4 when he was tiny so I always used to have a couple of books in his locker for them to read to him.

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

My daughter is due to ha heart surgery and I really don't like talking about it it doesn't help as people try to minimise it or say I had an operation once blah blah blah

My daughter has kidney problems awful I feel like I could vomit if I think about it

Saying if out loud is very hard as I'm still in disbelief

Bishbashboosh so sorry to hear this. It sounds like a lot to take in and much more than I am dealing with... Holding your hand here if that helps.

Ellie yes the waiting is taking it's toll and because of Christmas all info etc is delayed. My older one is just 3, very able to understand and likely to ask/notice as they share a room and I am main carer. I think when we have the date I will explain what is going on and we will let him visit if he wants, or not if not. Hope you all enjoyed Christmas with your little one home safe and sound.

I know how you feel - DD needs heart surgery in a few weeks for hole in heart (VSD), found out 2 days ago. It's apparently the most common baby heart surgery you can get which is I guess a silver lining. But it has knocked me for six. The care so far has been amazing, tunbridge wells and st Thomas's. I just keep trying to think about how this is what the professionals do every day. We need to stay positive and give the babies as many smiles as possible.

Hi everyone, just checking in to say we got back from the hospital yesterday evening and DS is doing great. We just have an outpatients appt on Monday and then no more hospitals for 6 months!

Thanks so much for all your help and support, it has really seen me through some difficult days and I came back and re-read the thread often.

It's so funny, it was hard in such different ways than I expected- the op was fine, him being attached to wires and morphine for a couple of days was fine (can't believe I'm actually writing that!), even seeing the wound and dressing changes was fine... I thought I was on cloud nine actually, but now the danger is over I feel very emotional. It was weird and difficult being a 'split' family for a few days and I feel like we are still rebalancing. I am so grateful to have my boy healthy and well, but I don't think I will ever take it for granted again. There have been other difficulties in my extended family but I do feel it has all kind of rocked my world. And I know I can survive it.

Anyhoo.... Existential dilemmas aside we are all well on the way to recovery and thanks to you all again.

Oh and my own sage piece of advice (which I thankfully followed but hadn't been mentioned) is if you are weaning FGS take your own food, baby led or puréed because hospital food is yuck and def not suitable for 7 month olds... They didn't even have toast!!!

Oh and don't expect to be in a room full of babies, we had 2 teenagers in our ward, one of which was admitted for gang related violence!!! I didn't care, except when he kept shouting, ripping out his cannula and storming out, because DS still got the care he needed, but it might come as a shock to some!