Telling dc that one of them is having an operation.

[3birthdaybunnies]

DS is having a hernia repair next tues as a day case. It is an umbilical one so he isn't in any pain at the moment. More of a preventative measure. He is just 4. His sisters are nearly 9&7. He had an inguinal one fixed at 6 months, we always knew this was a possibility. I feel ok discussing it as they have always known that he might need his 'other bubble' fixed. Just not sure when.

Dd1 is v attached to him so a bit concerned how she will react, also think it's better to tell them when we tell him so they don't need to keep it a secret. We also need to tell them about childcare for them as it looks like being a v long day (hospital ~2hrs drive). I don't want to worry them unduly but want them to have enough time to process it all.

Have already warned teachers etc who were v supportive and aware that it could be a couple of tough days for them. So do we tell them at the beginning of weekend/end of weekend/ before weekend/ night before? Dh v stressed over it too which doesn't help.

DS will be absolutely fine. I would decribe it as a little operation. It's musch safer for a 4 year old to have surgery than a baby. I can understand your worries given that everything must have been scary the first time.
Perhaps tell them on a Sunday evening, when you have time to reassure them all that everything will be fine and then they will have school on Monday am as a distraction. Good luck

I think you are making too much of it. Just tell them, the sooner the better.

I guess I don't want to tell ds too soon otherwise he will talk of nothing else. He is at that stage when he understands that something is going to happen but not the time frame. He is litually just 4 yet keeps asking when he will be 5, when he can go to reception, when will it be Christmas, when will he go to nursery, when will he not go to nursery. He will ask about it all the time once he knows. Dd1 is quite sensitive and it will play on her mind so I don't really want to tell them yet.

olympic you're right Sunday is probably a good time. I'm not too concerned as he bounced straight back after his first one and at least we can refer them back to that, and he almost didn't have that as he was v chesty, now he is big and strong. It will unfortunately be a major disruption to their day though -going to friends and a late night. Wish our parents were younger, nearer and well to help out but having to rely on friends instead.

why is dh so stressed/anxious? is he an anxious person? he needs to chill - in front of the other children at least -keep his anxiety to himself.

just tell the dds in cnversation, dont make a big issue of it as by making a big thing of it you will play on their anxieties.

tell the older ones - "oh by theway next week you going to be staying with sxxxx coz DS is going to have a small operation in hospital on his tummy. "
"he should only need to stay in during the day / one night ."

"e will coem back with a smalll plaster on his tummy"

(presumably either you or dh can go home in the evening should he need to stay in overnight? you wont both stay with ds?)

have older ones been to stay with friends before?

is that an issue?

you could also have just one of you go with ds to hospital and the other parent come back early enough so older ones day not disrupted, if that is an issue.

for DS, write a picture story for him about how he will go to hospital - eg WORD document, put photos of the car, hospital, him, and him coming back in car after with a small plaster on his tummy.

then he can keep looking at this as much as he needs to.

I had to have grommets at about the same age. Obviously that's different in terms of how he will feel afterwards but I remember the staying in hospital and the anaesthetic and everything. My mum and I read books about it beforehand and I didn't find it scary at all. (I had to go in a few times, and I found it quite fun!)

Children don't know of the risks of operations etc so IME it's not as scary for them in that sense, and of course you don't need to tell them that the operation involves being cut or anything along those lines. All they need to know is that they will go to sleep and while they are asleep a doctor will fix their tummy for them, that it might be a bit sore when they wake up, but after a while it will feel much better.

To them there is no reason to worry - the word "operation" has scary connotations to an adult, only because we know what happens and what could go wrong.

They may well be interested and talk of nothing else - and why not? All the more opportunity to talk about it, making it less scary, and reassure them that it's a normal part of life and nothing to worry about. Most people will need to visit a hospital at some time in their life, don't make it a big scary thing now, because it doesn't need to be.

www.amazon.co.uk/Going-Hospital-Miniature-Usborne-Experiences/dp/0746066678 etc get some books

Thank you, I have that book on order from library, I don't think ds will be too bothered although he will want to talk about it lots because it is something different and he is always asking when things are, every day he asks when he can start reception, when it is fireworks night etc. It is also hard to explain the reason as he doesn't seem to have any pain from it. Dd2 won't be bothered but dd1 is more like dh and will be worried. She was concerned when he just went to a local hospital to have it looked at and she had to go to after school club.

I did suggest that dh just took him, but dh didn't like that idea and I can't really come back early as it would mean me driving 2hrs back to collect girls then 2hrs back to pick ds and dh up which isn't really practical although I will if ds is in overnight - let dh sleep on a mat on the floor while I have my own bed! They haven't had sleepovers though dd1 going on one soon - mainly because until recently I couldn't inflict my non-sleeping children on someone else - and they will know it is wierd on a school night.

We have decided to tell them on Sunday so they know about it before school on Mon to ask questions but not too far in advance. I think we will focus on that he had one before and was fine and that hopefully this is the last time and how much fun they will have with their friends.

I would tell him first, then let him tell them. But don't make it a big deal.

I've just had to get ds worked up to understand he needs grommets again(3rd time). He didn't want to with a vengence, so was most put out when the doctor said he needs them, as he was hoping for hearing aids instead.

After he'd had a cry and said no way. I talked him through the day. And bigged up things that he will find exciting: He needs to be woken just before midnight to have a midnight feast. Just him and me. The gas mask to help him sleep is just like the oxygen mask Spitfire pilots wear.
And when he wakes he can have food-and the food in hospital is brought by Thomas the Tank engine...
And then I answered his questions. Yes I can read a story to him as he goes to sleep, but I don't think he'll hear much.

From floods of tears saying no way, he bounded up to his sisters proclaiming "guess what I can have a midnight feast, just me!"

And I agree that take only one parent and the other looks after the older ones. Makes it much smaller an issue for all of them.

Dh won't shift on us both going, though I did say I was ok to stay home while they went. He has now agreed to tell them on Sun, he wanted to wait until mon pm/tues am but I felt that wasn't fair to tell them and send them off to school.

I have ordered some Mike the Knight books as a surprise for tues that ds has been looking longingly at and reminded him when he was wanting a magazine in the shop that he only got the last one because we were waiting for ages in the hospital - hopefully that will be one of his first thoughts when he hears he is going to hospital.

Just hope he's ok - had a headache yesterday and bit sneezy, last time his op was cancelled 3 times due to him being ill. He's much fitter now and hasn't had a cold for 9 months so hopefully he'll shake it off.

Our children pick up on our anxieties so try and both be as calm as possible. My eldest DS has been very poorly for the last two years (cancer) and has various trips to hospital. My other DS looks to me - if I am calm then he is calm. I give them both opportunities to ask questions and answer them honestly in an age appropriate way. Mine are 17 and 16 so different ages but anxieties are still the same.

So far so good, told ds about it and his early breakfast. He is very excited about it and thinks it is very funny. Will let him tell the others when they get up.

They've all been comparing belly buttons! Dd2 is more interested in what she is going to do when she goes to her friend's house, dd1 telling ds about people she knows who all have new belly buttons. Hopefully their cheerfulness will rub off on dh!

My DSis had this operation when she was about 4 I think :) it was fine, she definitely wasn't traumatised by it. I think it's quite a novelty for them to do things differently to normal!

Glad they're not too fussed, in all honesty your dh needs to chill out. Ds is needing a similar op, he's 6 and I haven't even thought about how I'm going to tell the dc, I just will iyseim?

Operation took about twice the time due to bleeding but he perked up really quickly afterwards and we came home last night slightly earlier than anticipated due to being bumped up the list and his quick recovery. He loved it in hospital and wants to go back!! He was in quite a bit of pain in the night when his pain killers and neural block had run out but too soon for next dose. He slept well though once we were able to give more painkillers.