Yr7 DS ill every weekend. What can I do?

[Tuhlulah]

Every weekend since term began my DS has been ill. He is 12, growing, tall and strong.

He gets through the school week and then on Saturday morning feels ill, usually with cold type symptoms. This weekend he had a cold, then yesterday had a really bad headache. This responded well to Brufen but not much to Paracetamol, implying it might be somehow to do with inflammation -sinusitis? Or migraine, as pain was at one point over one eye. He woke up at 4am on Sunday morning, couldn't sleep, then by 6.30am the pain had started, and eventually stopped at 6pmish.

Today he has the faint remnant of a headache, but had disturbed sleep (so he said, but DP said he heard him soundly sleeping) and doesn't feel on top of the world. I have sent him to school because if I kept him home every time he felt ill he's never go. We had terrible attendance last year (Yr6), less than 85%, because I did keep him home when he felt ill, and he had a couple of viruses that were long lasting. Also, I don't want him to fall behind in Yr 7 through absence; he is bright, but it's a lot of extra work to catch up, and it'll make him stressed if he has to catch up on loads.

DP and I have constant disagreements about all this. he thinks I am being too soft, that DS is a drama queen and should 'man up' and go to school when he is feeling crap, because that's life. I think he's being too inflexible. (THis morning I kindly reminded him of the time he said DS's testicular pain was just one of those things that men get; DS was being operated on by 10.30pm for twisted testicle.)

In short: why does DS get ill so much? Is it because he is just tired out by new school and getting up at 6.30am? And homework routines, all the new stuff? (But he was ill a lot last year, which I partly attributed to the stress of entrance exams, etc). Is it that his immunity is low? If so, how do I boost that? Or is it that he has a virus which has never really cleared up?

For example: He developed an ear infection in August. GP said no antibiotics. We went on holiday, all fine. On return, DS has ear infection in both ears which two separate lots of antibiotics couldn't get rid of. Another GP appointment, who says just a virus, but don't know what, and just ride it out. What he has now just seems to be a continuation of that.

I am baffled. Also feel it's all my fault. Feel guilty about sending him to school when he's not 100%. Feel worried he might have something sinister going on as yet undiagnosed.

Re diet, it could be better.We don't eat junk food, no fizzy drinks, few sweets. He does need to eat more fruit. He has just started cod liver oil (DP suggestion).

All advice gratefully received.

Dont have much advise i'm afraid. Has he had any blood tests to see if there is something underlying this? e.g Glandular fever or maybe iron deficiency or something like that?

Is there something he is particularly finding hard, eg not settled into a new school, or worry about something, depression etc? These could make him run down

I would go back to the GPS and start asking for blood test tbh

Your poor DS You've mentioned quite a few things in your post which could be stress-related - headaches, disturbed sleep, even being prone to picking up infections, and generally 'run-down', can all have stress as a contributing factor.

It sounds like he is at a selective school? Are they pushing them really hard at school? I remember when DS1 & 2 first started at the local Grammar, the amount of homework they were given during the first couple of terms appeared to be quite onerous, to such an extent that, having had v. little to do with Yr 6 hwk (their choice!), we started to be more involved again in Yr 7 - discussing homework difficulties, different approaches etc.

Also, is he settling down ok? If it's anything like my DSs single-sex school, there's a lot of 'jostling for position' at the beginning - forming friendships, sorting out the pecking order etc., which can also be quite stressful, I think. If he is finding the whole secondary school experience a bit daunting, maybe suggest joining lunchtime clubs or activities to get to know friends with the same interests.

If you don't think his illnesses are stress-related at all, then I would keep on badgering the doctors. Keep a diary of what ailments he is suffering when, and for how long.

I do hope things settle down for him soon.

Thank you both for your replies.

He seems to have settled really well at school, is enjoying the independence of the bus journey there and back, and although not making special friends, is friendly with everyone (I have asked him obliquely about school life). The work is certainly not stretching him too far. There is homework every evening but not loads of it, and he is managing. It's a mixed ability independent with a lovely friendly ethos. I am as certain as I can be that it is not school.

Also not worries at home. We talk about everything, and one way or another I think he's have told me if there was an issue about something or someone. Which is why i think it's physiological as opposed to psychological.

I know that at this age the body is changing a lot, and that must create it's own strains and stresses. That being said, his school friends are mostly in the same boat and they seem more resilient/resistant to colds/viruses.

I think I am going to make an appointment with GP and ask for investigation.

Re iron deficiency, would that be linked to getting lots of viruses? Maybe he doesn't get enough iron, we're not vegetarian but we don't eat a lot of red meat, or iron rich foods. I have heard about an iron supplement called Spa-tone, which I will get later today.

Spa-tone I take it, as slightly anaemic!

My DDs were both poorly much more than usual in the first term of secondary. I put it down to mixing with a different group of children and therefore coming into contact with viruses to which they hadn't developed immunity.

That doesn't entirely fit with the ear infection issue, though, as that happened before term started.

One thing that leapt out at me from your op was that he is up at 6.30am. Presumably there is a reason for this, as it is quite early. It is for the kids round here.

A friend of mines son was often poorly, just generally unwell - cold symptoms, lethargy etc. She spoke to her GP re her concerns and requested a referral to paediatrics at the local hosp. She saw a lovely doctor who identified an issue with her sons adenoids. These were removed some time later and now her ds is much better health wise.

Yes, 6.30 is early! But he has to shower (to wake him up) and eat breakfast, clean teeth and dress and leave for 7.40, and he is slow at the best of times. Trial and error shows us that this is the time we need to start to get him out the door on time (it was originally 7am, then 6.45) Otherwise it's rushed and stressful, and not a good way to start the day.

We are trying cod liver oil and Spa Tone, because anaemia may well be at the base of this. But the adenoids story is interesting.

I was out all day yesterday and DP was in charge. DS asked to go to bed at 7.30, was asleep by 7.40pm, sweating heavily. Still sweating when I came in at midnight. This morning he was fast asleep at 6.30, but good colour and energy this morning. (Says he still las a slight headache but not enough to take painkillers). Looks like he may have turned the corner on this bout.

DS told me DP have him lecture about having to grow up and eat/drink more things that are good for him even though he may not like them that much (such lectures being pretty par for the course in this home). But my way hasn't worked, so am letting DP instigate routine of cod liver oil after breakfast and Spa Tone after school, and virtually force feed porridge 3 days a week.

And yes, I am thinking it could be new children, new germs. But he does come down with everything going. It worries me because I know of people who have had viruses which have left them with (a) thyroid problem, (b) Addison's Disease, (c)Type 1 diabetes, and (4) ME (not all same person obviously. I had a flu virus last year which took me months to get over. My reasoning is it would be better if he didn't get the viruses in the first place.

I may take him to GP this afternoon if I can get an appointment.

Thanks you to you all for advice and information.

He doesnt sound well to me.

I think what I would do is monitor his health. Write down when he is ill. What his symptoms are. What days of the week and times. Whether anything might be triggering anything in your opinion. Dont tell your son what you are doing.

Then after 1 week, or maybe two, speak to your son, and then go with him to a different GP to the one you have already seen, armed with your observations. And see what the GP says then.

It is possible that you may see a pattern, or youmay not. But at lwast then, everyone including your husband and Gp and son have a better picture of what is going on health wise.

I think a referral to an ENT would not be OTT.
Wrt iron sing use spatone, hardly any iron in it!
We use floradix iron liquid - very good.
He shouldn't be needing regular pain relief, which is why the meds come with the warning to take for 3 days only before seeing a dr.

Unlikely to be GF without significant throat pain.

Sorry that should read don't use spatone!

This rings bells with me.
What extracurricular activities does he do, how much and when?

I have seen various GPs at the surgery; appointments are made on a first come first serve basis and given out on the day. Nothing for weeks with my preferred GP. But all GPs are OK; it's a good practice. Will take him Friday after school, and start the ball rolling.

Re after school activities, just one, IT, 4-5pm Thursday. Not interested in sport.

Gosh, no iron in Spa Tone -really! My pharmacist swears by it, as do local parents. (One woman claims it saved her life after bad childbirth.) Just bought 28 day supply. Brilliant. Am looking more seriously at diet, including more red meat and iron rich foods anyway, so hopefully Spa Tone will do until it runs out and then Floradix (constipation is an issue with that, isn't it?)

I asked DS this morning if he was OK at school, at home, etc. I am still confident he would speak to me if he had an issue. But who knows. He seems very happy generally. He is a calm, laid back child.

It seems this all started with the ear problem in mid August, which abated then came back in both ears, accompanied by a head cold which hasn't really gone away, but remains at low level during the week and gets worse at weekend. Nothing has changed so cannot imagine any triggers.

Can't help but wonder -head cold, runny nose then blocked, headache = sinusitis, which both DP and I get.

But it's not just that -he was ill with various viruses last year.

I will just add that there are loads of children off school at the moment with various viruses, so he isn't alone in getting them.

I spoke to a GP about it months ago, and he said some children are like this, pick up every thing, and then 'grow out of it'.

When examined he shows no signs of anything obvious -ears, throat, chest, all normal.

Floradix doesn't cause constipation op. It's very well tolerated.
Check out the mg of iron in spatone...I think you may be surprised. It's very low.
I think once the gp has rules out anything obvious it's time to get an expert opinion.
It does seem to stem from the ear problem, doesn't it?

The reason I asked about his extra stuff is that we went through a phase with my daughter like this. At about 10 her physical activity naturally dropped as the sporty kids went on to those activities and she settled down into music and books/IT. She seemed to get a bit peaky and caught every bug going (or so it seemed). Nothing major, just low level 'unwellness'. She was also growing fast and we wondered if it was linked to that. Over about a 2 year period we became more concerned as every holiday or long weekend (as she seemed to wind down or change routine) she was full of cold, headachey etc. We saw our GP quite regularly over this period. Then once we saw the senior 'wise old man' at the surgery. He gave her a full once over and suggested that maybe she was mentally rather than physically tired. Tiredness turns into exhaustion which affects the immune system.
We found that a few lifestyle changes made a big difference to her quite quickly: she started going to the local pool one evening a week after school for a half hour swim, and we send her out on her bike with her friends a couple of times a week. Just the increased activity meant she was going to bed physically tired and sleeping really well for a few nights a week. It may be coincidence, but I do feel that her improved sleep did help all her health issues at once.

The situation for your son may be completely different but just in case, I hope this helps!

Increasing protein is a good idea, also poss look at omega oils?
I recommend vegepa but there are other less ££ brands around.

He came home this afternoon in a foul mood, looked dreadful, complaining of sore knee (another thing!) When he was at primary school and came home like this, it was usually when he'd skipped his lunch. But he did eat his lunch today. He said he fell asleep during break time (he was in the library reading, didn't go out due to sore knee).

I am taking him to the GP first thing in the morning, appointments are released at 8am.

It could well be non-sinister, like his age, or mental exhaustion or even just tiredness. But I don't feel I can be complacent. The surgery must think I have Munkhausen Syndrome by Proxy.

Sometimes when he goes to bed he just can't sleep and we too have noticed he sleeps almost immediately WHEN he is physically tired. So yes, he needs something physical. There is no way he does enough.

DP is older than me, and of the generation/mindset of 5 a day, fresh air, exercise, discipline, cod liver oil, and anything that is unpleasant or causes an argument is good for you. BUT, that being said, my way -everything by negotiation and agreement and concord, all things in moderation, etc- hasn't worked. I have looked more carefully at what DS eats, and will make the changes necessary. Made granola for breakfast tomorrow, steaks for dinner tonight. Etc.

Thank you to all. I'll let you know what GP says tomorrow.

I am a Great believer in mothers instinct op and so should any good dr.
It does sound odd.
It could be that he is anaemic, it could be GF or it could be that he is suffering from post viral fatigue - whatever it is he needs to have some tests and some rest.
Good luck x

OK. Couldn't log in yesterday.

Long story short. GP sent us for immediate blood and urine tests. She has just called me now, some results are in; he has raised ESR level which means something 'inflammatory' is going on. She wants further investigations (white cells) and wanted us to go to Paediatric clinic today, but as he is already at school we are going to go tomorrow.

She says top of her list is glandular fever. But I am really worried that his symptoms also indicate more serious things like Hodgkins or Leukaemia.

Symptoms: night sweats (but not every night), weight loss, suppressed appetite (unless it's cake or some other crap). Also tender spleen.

Feel like I opened Pandora's box, expecting a butterfly and got the evils of the world.

GP called again to confirm we are expected tomorrow at the paediatric clinic and she has faxed letter of referral. She says she doesn't have the full picture yet and needs some more tests to make a diagnosis. The blood test for mono spot (GF) isn't back yet. She admits that although she is looking for GF, the other things she is looking to rule out are serious -leukaemia and Hodgkins. (maybe other stuff I didn't even know about).

Can't believe it's more than GF. DP convinced otherwise.

Yesterday arrived at hospital at 10.45, left at 3.30. DS is phobic about needles. It took three attempts to get him to let them put the needle in his arm. Including an attempt to allow him to do it himself (yes, you couldn't invent it! As if! Head nurse said, "Are you OK with this, mum.' I replied yes, because I knew it wasn't going to happen.) This second session ended with him crying and screaming at me he just couldn't do it. There must have been 40 people in the waiting room looking at us as we left, me storming out in frustration, him in tears and upset. I am normally reasonable and rational, I promise you. I gave him the bollocking of his lifetime, told him his fear of the needle wasn't anything compared to my fear that he had a serious undiagnosed illness which would get worse if he didn't give the blood. Anyway, that and a few tears (mine) did the trick. We waited again, we went back into the head nurse and told her he thought he could do it this time. I left and paced the corridor like an expectant father and he appeared several minutes later triumphant. All very good. Now we have to do it again tomorrow.

What a worry! I hope everything is resolved without any of your fears being realised. Is it the sight of needles or the prick? Ask for EMLA cream tomorrow to numb the pain. Thinking of you

Am thinking of you xxxx

Thank you.

I will let you know what happens tomorrow. BTW, it is not the pain (we tried the EMLA cream). He can look at the needle, he even handled one and tried to pierce his skin with it but couldn't. So maybe the thought of it going in? He shouldn't look! It is something only strength of mind can overcome. He has a streak of inner steel, but he has to be able to find it, like he did yesterday (with eyes closed, singing to himself apparently).
x