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Children with Cancer

833 replies

Twunk · 03/09/2013 18:04

Sadly we need a second thread :-(

My son Alex was diagnosed with ALL (Leukaemia) in July and we are making our way though the 2 years of treatment that are given here in the Netherlands.

If you want support, or wish to share your story, or can give support please do join us.

It's a shitty journey but together we'll get through it.

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AuntieMaggie · 31/10/2013 19:08

I'm really sorry to intrude and even sorrier for what you all are going through. A child relative of mine has just been diagnosed with ALL and I'm struggling to know how to support them as they live in a different country - do you have any advice? Perhaps useful stuff I can post?

Twunk · 31/10/2013 19:54

Hi Auntie Maggie. It's a horrible time - we are 3 months down the road and believe it or not things do get easier.

What people sent me that helped:

Pyjamas and dressing gowns for hospital (for me and Alex)
Fleecy blankets (also for us both)
Fluffy slippers
Toiletries for an overnight bag - don't forget toothbrush/toothpaste (because it's easier to have a bag packed so you can just walk out the door)
Biros - you can never have enough!
Stuff for child to do (crafts, toys etc)

I'll think about anything else. What a lovely friend you are x

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Twunk · 31/10/2013 19:55

Sorry just saw - relative. Same applies!

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unbuckle · 31/10/2013 22:59

Proper coffee and a cafetiere!

Hospitals can have shocking mobile reception- so a sim that works on the ward can help.

Gin

Twunk · 01/11/2013 06:46

Can't believe I forgot gin...

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Twunk · 01/11/2013 09:45

Oh and something as crass as actual money - it's surprisingly expensive having a child with cancer. Until they have it all sorted there are a lot of out-of-pocket expenses. In the Netherlands we get no extra money and it's hard to get a blue badge so we pay for a lot of parking. In hospital I don't get meals so until we were a bit more organised I was buying food in the canteen 3 times a day. If they aren't especially flush it can have quite an impact on the finances.

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Trazzletoes · 01/11/2013 10:24

I second what everyone else has said! I couldn't work and care for DS til recently so we've lost a wage for 8 months. We can't take home cooked food to hospital to reheat so get through a lot of ready meals - perhaps there's a supermarket near the hospital and you could get a gift card?

Stuff to entertain the children - DVDs? Or craft stuff?

Books for the parents? There's a LOT of down time in hospital.

Trazzletoes · 01/11/2013 10:26

Spare bedding? Or blankets? DS can get through several changes of bedding in a night.

AuntieMaggie · 01/11/2013 10:29

Thank you. I don't think Gin will travel well Wink and I think the meals and stuff will be covered by other relatives who are in the same country (and they have let homecooked food in...)

minmooch · 01/11/2013 17:22

Ooh somebody gave me a mattress topper. The pull down hospital beds are slippery and cold/sweaty. Once I had a mattress topper on the bed it made it much more comfortable.

Hi everyone. I'm struggling on - two years ago today my DS was diagnosed. It's been a very long two years. Very hard to remember a time when life was normal. I'm very grateful to all the Drs and nurses who fought to save Will and given him a chance to fight this. I'm cross that Fter two years of pumping his body full of poison he still has a tumour. I feel guilty for putting him through this but I know there was no choice.

Love and strength all round. Xxxx

hazlinh · 02/11/2013 06:51

hi everyone...have not been on for a while as everything's been a bit hectic. dd was discharged after 4 days (she was admitted for a high bp and then a fever) but the morning after we got home, she suddenly had a fever again and was admitted again! we are back home now, and hopefully will be for a while!! i am still adjusting to her new meds schedule, it is crazy, it starts a 6am with an antifungal that must be taken at least 1-2 hrs apart fr food and other drugs esp her anti graft rejection meds. then followed by penicillin half an hour later as a prophylaxis against strep etc, then followed by prednisolone steroid and an antiviral and magnesium supplement an hour later. and if its mon and tue, woohoo it's bonus bactrim day to prevent pneumonia. then she gets to eat breakfast and then 2 hrs later, the antigraft rejection meds. she also needs calcium and potassium supplements. 6pm the whole cycle repeats itself with antifungal, penicillin bla bla bla and ends at 10pm. i'm really exhausted and i woke up the other day with vertigo and could not get out of bed until around noon so her meds schedule was disrupted a bit. vaguely heard her coming in to say she was hungry and i told her to just get cornflakes from the cabinet....am still feeling a bit under the weather two days later.
other than that she is fine, her skin is changing (her skin turned very dark after the transplant and is now peeling away in places, revealing new fairer skin). apparently it is normal. her bone marrow result came out, it is good, negative for disease thank god. she is doing so well that the transplant doctor told us she can now drink yoghurt drinks, eat out (thank god! i was so exhausted the day before cooking and cleaning from 7am to 7pm and not being able to sit down the whole day! i hate steroids!!!) and even go out! as long as it is not too crowded so she suggested high end malls with designer shops. i was like err..theres not much she can look at there..and she laughed and said she could windowshop at Tiffany's! ha.ha.ha.
am having issues with dh, he says he is fed up and i have not been giving him enough attention. he is away for the weekend as he says he needs a break, from work and stuff.

unbuckle i completely understand about all the interruptions! here it starts at 5am when the nurses ask dd to pee, and then at 6am when they measure her girth and take her weight. and then start her med sched...jr doc comes in ard 7.30am to check on her...8.30am the registrar...10.30-11.30am the sr consultant and consultant...12pm it's lunch...2pm the jr doc...then i get a teeny bit of a break but then she gets bored and then i have to help her shower...6pm it's her meds all over again.7pm dinner and in between of course it's all the beeping and checking of bp and temp!!!!! i wish someone would invent a drip that would actually automatically call the nurse when the drip or flushing finishes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! surely someone would have thought of that by now!!!! and re names, i never expected them to know my name haha, there are so many parents...but the other day, one of our favourite nurses asked me what my name was and i said will you remember it?? and she said yes! i was so surprised. one or two of the nurses here are really lovely, there is one that likes to go out and buy toys for the kids. she also gave me some Victoria's Secret hand lotion after i showed her my hands were covered in cuts and scaly skin thanks to all the constant alcohol rubbing!

hope that everyone else is ok despite it all...minmooch i know what you mean...i wish i could turn back to a time when dd was healthy...i wish our lives were normal...but that will never happen...even if dd is cured our lives will never ever be the same....xoxoxoxo to everyone on here....

Aunty Maggie, dd and I are also in a different country from our family and friends and they are always asking how they can help. Twunk's suggestion re money is practical and really useful. Our medical bills are really quite horrendous. My dd has had a bone marrow transplant in September and blood tests on donors and donor searches on the worldwide registry were not covered by insurance. The cost to procure the donor cord blood which was eventually used in her transplant was also not covered by insurance and cost us something like 12,000 british pounds. all in all, we spent quite a lot of money on this, and this does not include our daily expenses such as my meals (if i have time, i go down to have 3 meals a day at the cafeteria), extra snacks for dd (as she hates the hospital meals which are really bland and overcooked), taxis (we don't have a car here), and things to occupy her time with such as books, toys, arts and craftsy things. We are very fortunate that they have a charity that runs a library here in the ward which is very well-stocked with all sorts of board games and books and electronic gadgets such as dvd players, psp, nintendo, xbox etc. They are such a godsend. When dd was warded for over a month during the transplant, the social workers came and lent her an xbox and a basketball net! as the doctor said she needed to exercise a bit, and she also borrowed their psp and nintendo, and a dozen games! they also came in every day with lots of new arts and craftsy things to occupy her with. if it is tricky for you to send actual things, maybe you could send over virtual stuff? I got dd a kindle after a while, and told friends and relatives that they could send over amazon e-vouchers for dd to buy e-books with on her kindle....unfortunately we are in asia and we are unable to buy online games and videos but perhaps your relative is able to if they are in europe or the US. that would be really useful.

also a sim is useful, as unbuckle mentioned....

surprisingly enough trazzletoes, i always pack lots of books and dvds for myself and NEVER get to read or see any!!!!!!!! I also ambitiously borrow lots of magazines at the library and then have to return them unread when we are discharged!! I once borrowed a dvd boxed set on our social worker's recommendation and then the doctor said dd could go home in a couple of days and i frantically had a two-day marathon to watch the damn thing!! Way too busy during the day what with all the nurses and doctors and housekeeper coming in every minute and then at night I just collapse into bed!

One of the best things we ever got (which was in a gift pack from the charity, they keep giving us stuff!) was a hot water bottle! even though we are in a hot tropical climate, the aircon in the wards are really fierce! and even dd can't tolerate it, and she usually loves it cold. so that might come in handy. she gets very upset if i forget to pack it!

twunk's suggestions re fleecy blankets, dressing gowns and pyjamas are very good too. if the child has a hickman line or chemoport in the chest, it will need to be button-up pyjamas, i used to ask everyone to buy these for dd. not easy to find these esp warm fleecy ones in this part of the world.

sorry if that was a bit rambly, i am still feeling a bit out of it!
in a nutshell, these are useful:

dvds/movies
computer games, ipad, psp, nintendo etc
board games eg Pictureka
card games eg Uno
arts and craftsy projects: beads, paint by numbers kits, blow paints (helps to exercise the lungs which can be impaired by chemo), scrapbooking etc
e-books if they have a kindle, otherwise, books and magazines (if they are in the mood to read)
toiletries for both parent and child! I go through tubs of lotion in the ward as my hands and feet become very dry especially the hands due to all the alcohol rub.
maybe vitamins for the parent?? i need these to survive.
sim card
money

hth.

hazlinh · 02/11/2013 07:00

also thought of something else, dd is into scrapbooking after the social workers introduced it to her, and they sometimes lend her a photo printer so she could print photos from my phone or laptop (you need a usb thing to save the pics on if the printer isn't wifi enabled) to stick into a scrapbook. she really enjoyed printing out all the pics of our cats (my mum has a dozen or more cats, and dd also likes to rescue stray street cats) and making a scrapbook out of them. she really misses the cats....

Trazzletoes · 02/11/2013 08:52

hazlinh perhaps it's because DS is only 4 - he sleeps loads still! He doesn't like me watching tv at night so I either use a portable DVD player or read books. He's in bed long before me! And his meds make him sleep a lot during the day when he's in too.

He has a Hickman line but we've always been fine with t-shirt style pjs. Again, perhaps it's because he is smaller so his line is correspondingly longer!

Glad your DD is doing so well. The meds schedule sounds punishing. And Hmm for her Dad. I hope you manage some down time. It took about 6 months for Joe's skin to get back to normal colour but he is very resistant to baths!

min big hugs. Sorry I can't be of practical help. But you're on my mind more than ever at the moment. Hope you are getting through this week ok.

hazlinh · 02/11/2013 09:41

ahhh lucky you trazzles!!! dd has always been independent-minded and has always hated to sleep from the day she was born!!!!!!!!!!!! she never took naps until she got ALL and was anaemic, and now post-transplant she occasionally takes the odd post-lunch nap if she is feeling tired. but still rather rare!! dd hates me watching tv too!! so i usually have to use a laptop and i find it too much of a hassle.
oo Joe's skin changed too? gosh 6 mths sounds like a long time. here they make her shower everyday, it is compulsory for transplant patients because they say they are at risk of infection from microbial flora on your skin. but dd hates showering/bathing too!! what is it with kids and baths?? and it takes an age to get her in the bathroom! plus all the faff with wrapping the hickman line etc etc. I guess dd's line is a bit short, plus when they need to change the dressing every few days, a button style is easier, plus her dressing tends to come off quite a bit. she developed allergies to two of the plasters and came out in hives and kept scratching so they have changed it now.

hazlinh · 02/11/2013 12:33

Great. I don't know how but I have run out of dd's steroid. It is saturday night and i don't have enough for tomorrow's morning dose and the hospital pharmacy is closed. called the paed onco helpline and i somehow have to go to hospital, with dd as there is nobody else at home, and get an on-call doc to write me a prescription and get the drug from a pharmacy outside. am so annoyed.

Twunk · 02/11/2013 18:22

Bloody hell Hazlinh that's quite a schedule! Not surprising you ran out of something without noticing. Pleased you're home. I'm gobsmacked about your medical bills. There was me complaining that one of the drugs he is on is only half covered and that costs €75 a month. I don't know I'm born.

As for DH...words fail me. I know this time can be hard on marriages, but FFS it's been a shitty time and you need to pull together! Funnily enough my DH has been a bit moody lately, for more or less the same reason. Erm yeah...it's been a walk in the park for me. So...when do you get to bugger off for a weekend?

I can't remember everything that's been said, but I am taking a mattress topper into the hospital next week. Great idea!

Trazzle my son is also 4 but can push his sleep time to 11pm in hospital. Doesn't do it at home! Drives me mental. I saw on your other thread his stomach is settling down. Good to hear. How many weeks to go?

I found out that Alex has a genetic subtype of ALL which has a very high cure rate and a OS of pretty much 100% at 5 years. It's amazing news for us, though I remain cautious.

Hugs to everyone.

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minmooch · 03/11/2013 09:10

Haz god that regime sounds exhausting. I'm sorry too that your DH is not being terribly supportive. So he's gone away for a rest and you are having to take your dd with you to hospital to pick up a prescription - words fail me. My ex-h (boys step dad) just said to me one day he could not support me emotionally nor physically and resented the financial implications of me not working. He graciously said I could stay in the house whilst my DS was ill but he couldn't be there for me/us - he expressed much surprise when I didn't take him up on his offer, divorced him and set up a lovely warm cosy home for my boys and I. I know my ex-h was extreme but men's selfishness at times is staggering.

Twunk that is fantastic news but I understand your caution.

My eldest DS went to his Dad's last night. Youngest decided to stay here as he had a local party to go to. He rolls in at 2 am and manages to spend the next few hours throwing up. No rest from vomiting for me - instead of medically induced voms last night I had to deal with alcohol induced ones. Not a happy bunny this morning! Not sure if it's normal teenage getting used to his limits type of drinking or whether he is just letting go of the worries when he is out with friends. I'm torn between telling him off and hugging him tight. Will have a talk when he wakes up.

Women with a stinking cold as well which puts me in a panic incase my DS catches it. We all had our flu jabs last week but doesn't protect against colds.

Keep on keeping on everyone xxxxx

minmooch · 03/11/2013 09:12

Women = woken!

Twunk · 03/11/2013 18:40

Oh grim Min! I think it's something we've all done (well most people I know, including me!). It's a lesson learned.

Your ex sounds...lovely. Where do all these fuckwits come from? Do they have lessons in school that the rest of us missed?

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unbuckle · 03/11/2013 19:52

Going into hospital tomorrow for isaac's ops. His belly is so huge today he looks heavily pregnant and suddenly he's nearly bald.

Nocakeformeplease · 03/11/2013 20:29

Oh my god Hazlinh what a regime - hardly surprising that you ran out of something given the list of medicines your DD is on. I hope you manage to get to the hospital without too much inconvenience. I am over the moon that the bone marrow results were good . Very cross with your DH - is he for real? Without going into detail on here, my situation with DS dad is very complicated/difficult - I just can't deal with it at the moment. I really don't have any spare energy, so am concentrating on my little man.

Trazzles I'm so glad to read on the other thread that Joe has turned a corner. Am keeping everything crossed for a smooth few weeks for your gorgeous boy.

Twunk - that is amazing Smile. I am so sooo happy for you. I understand the caution but am delighted that the news is as good as you could have hoped for at this stage.

Minmooch - is your youngest still suffering?! I'm not surprised you were not amused. Hope you managed to have a good chat today and that yor eldest DS had a good time at his dads. As for your ex-h - I'm just disgusted on your behalf Angry. It must have been incredibly difficult for you dealing with that on top of everything else, but you deserve a million times better than a spineless creep like that.

Unbuckle - oh my lovely. I know how incredibly hard this bit is. I am thinking of you and your lovely boy and hope it all goes smoothly. It's a huge step to get out of the way. if there is anything at all i can do, just drop me a PM xxx

D has has a lovely time with his cousin who's been staying for the week. He's back to school tomorrow. He had a heart scan on Friday - surprisingly his heart function is better than the previous one so that is great news. His key worker came to let me know that his scan will be in a couple of weeks. I burst into tears as soon as she mentioned it - god knows what I'll be like on the day. She said it is very rare for it to show any problems at this stage and not to worry, but of course I am. And the worst thing is we will have to go through this nightmare every 3 months for years Sad.

minmooch · 03/11/2013 21:42

Unbuckle I will be thinking of you and Isaac tomorrow. I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible. Xx

Nocake so glad D's heart scan was good news. I used to cry when anybody said anything to me! We are on 3 monthly scans at the moment. It's tough having scans, it's tough not having scans. Xx

My youngest DS seems not to have been too hungover today. We had a chat - he seems to be ok, teenage overindulgence. Back to school tomorrow - I'm tired thinking of it.

Twunk · 04/11/2013 17:27

Oh I hate writing replies and they disappear!

So i will keep this short.

Hope today went okay unbuckle and hugs to everyone.

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minmooch · 04/11/2013 20:16

Unbuckle thinking of you and hope all went soothly. Xx

Nocakeformeplease · 04/11/2013 22:10

Thinking of you too Unbuckle. Hope it all went smoothly and Issac is comfortable now.

That's a very good point Min - as much as I dread the scans, I'm sure if/when they suggest lengthening the gap in between them ill hate that too.