Please help about granddaughter

[younggran56]

Sorry if this is a long post but I'm really in need of some sensible advice.

In a nutshell, my daughter is very, very concerned about the way her ex partner is treatung their 13 yr old daughter. There are a number of issues, but the immediate one concerns her weight. She is nearly 14 and just under 11 stone. She is very healthy, undertakes a number of sports every week (even won the school sport prize) and I have checked her weight on charts and it is normal. She is a size 12 in clothing.

He has told her on numerous occasions she is - fat, obese, and going to have health problems. She is scared of doing anything to offend her dad (he is very strict and refuses to let her see any friends when he has access) Up to a few months ago, he was making her strip to her underwear in front of him every week and be weighed. We only discovered this when my daughter found her trying to make herself sick and was refusing food before going to his house because she would be in trouble.

My daughter rang social services who said that yes, this was wrong and he had to stop, but if they officially visited him it would mean her 2 children going on an at risk register. This concerned my daughter so she contacted him and told him if he did not stop weighing her, she would have no option but to involve social services.

He rang my daughter today and told her he has booked a doctor's appointment because she has not lost any weight. She has also found out that her daughter is again making herself sick but pleaded 'don't tell my dad'.

My daughter has rang me in tears and I honestly don't know what to say any more. I would really appreciate any comments.

I would suggest ringing SS again. It doesn't matter about the at risk register as your DD is not the one they are at risk from.
At 14 a size 12 is fine. I would suggest stopping contact as it is clearly unhealthy for your GD. Poor girl this could mess her up for life if someone doesn't protect her from this vile weight-obsessed 'father'

Thanks. I have told her to ring them tomorrow so it's good to hear someone echo what I've told her. I also said about not talking to him as he always ends up in tears.

As long as your DD is providing healthy food and a good example of healthy living (which it sounds like she is) the problem is not with her.
Sadly some people are obsessed with 'looking like people in magazines'
We all come in different shapes and sizes and your GD may need this reinforced.
Counselling may not be a bad idea.

My DD is 12 and I would go batshit crazy at anyone who commented on her weight/size.
Until we are about 18 our bodies are still growing. Dieting/making self sick can be very dangerous.
When she gets to 18 IF she is not happy then she can look into changing herself to SUIT HERSELF
Until then
Go boil your head horrible father.

Thanks, BrevilleTron.

My GD is very healthy - because my daughter hasn't too much money I buy them lots of fruit every week and all her meals are home made. She also swims for a town team and trains 3 times a week, is on every school team going and does thai boxing and skating each week too. In fact most nights are taken up with some sort of training! This is why it seems so unfair she's being made to feel awful about herself.

To be honest her father sounds unstable and abusive. It doesn't sound like it's in your DGD's interest to see her for the foreseeable future.

Is there a contact order in force or is it a private agreement? Either way I think they need outside advice eg from social services :(

I'm so sorry but exP sounds abusive and pervy. Go back to SS, as someone else said if they are put on the 'at risk' register it won't be in relation to your daughter, in fact she would be demonstrating she is capable of protecting her children from harm.

Another one saying stop contact. This sounds horrible and ss must be involved

Any update OP? Please show your DD this thread. None of us are blaming her at all. We want to show support.

she needs to stop contact and getting ss invovlved will help that process.
does the dd wantt to see her father?