DS3 has just turned 12, but has an appetite that easily matches his 2, much older, brothers. He craves food (it does really appear 'addiction' wise in the same way I've seen people 'crave' drugs or alcohol), especially sweet food, and chocolate.
We had guests at the weekend who brought lots of goodies with them, and I can tell that in addition to the ones he was given, he has definitely and secretively helped himself to more. Also, when I wash his uniform, his pockets are often crammed with sweet wrappers etc, even though he has very limited access to money (I think some of his friends with more money buy him stuff when they buy their own, the school does unfortunately have outlets that sell cookies and Slush Puppies etc).
I can & do do my best for him to eat healthily at home, and to manage portion size etc, but obviously can't control what he can access when at school or what he appears to be doing vis getting stuff 'in secret'.
I feel desperately sorry for him, as whilst simaltaneously doing all the above, he also loathes the fact he is slightly overweight. This morning he had what I think is just a little heat or sweat rash but he asked me if 'becuase of my rash' could I write him a note excusing him from games. I knew it was as he didn't want to get changed in front of the other kids (he does have a couple of little 'fat rolls' on his torso) and he and I have talked a lot about food, good health, healthy choices etc. I know his weight makes him unhappy from the conversations we have had about it but I am at a loss as to what to do. I DO want to help him deal with it, but I DON'T want to risk him developing a full on ED or stigmatised in anyway, so am really just not sure of best way forward.
His Dad/my EXH was and probably still is a compulsive eater, and since I left him has permanatly been on a Weightwatchers 'diet'. He uses words like 'diet' and 'that's too many calories' etc to DS which I don't think helps and I know upsets DS; whereas I try and frame it much more in a 'fuel in/fuel out' way although even then I cana't be sure that's the right approach as I have no experience of this (as one of the things that makes it seem even harder for for DS3 is that DS1&2 can eat as much as is phyiscally possible yet never gain an ounce, which also means of course that I really DON'T have any experience in dealing with this)
Has anyone else faced similar issues? And if so, best advice please? I can see how down it makes DS - especially now he has started liking girls, but thinks so badly of himself - and I am just desperate to help him, but NOT in a way that could actually make it worse.
Be REALLY grateful for any pointers or experiences