Was DH being unreasonable when DS could not breath?

[Feefsie]

On Monday my 6 year old coughed so much he sicked up his tea. He had inhaler, night time cough medicine and Calpol at 8pm approx. At 10.30 when I went to bed he was wheezing really loudly and his chest was making massive efforts to breathe. He has an inhaler but not sure if he has asthma. He also has a very damp wall in his room. I got DH to look and said I wanted to take him to A&E, he said I was exaggerating and to go to bed. We actually had an argument about my anxiety! I phoned emergency doctor who said they would call back, after 20 mins and no call I got dressed, got DS up, put dressing gown and slippers on and drove to A&E, husband still adamant that there was nothing wrong. DS went straight in and oxygen sats were 83. He was put on nebuliser and they said he would be admitted. They gave him steroids and kept him on oxygen. We came home at 1.30am with 4 days supply of presdisone and instructions to go back or to GP if he got worse. My DH still maintains that I was panicking and my anxiety was getting the better of me. I am really worried because I go away on business a lot and what if this or something else happens when I am away?

You are going to leave your son under the care of this minimising, dangerous, manipulative arsehole ?

Really ?

Dh is like this but I genuinely do have anxiety so I suppose he maybe had a basis.

Your Dh was / is being unreasonable. Ask him to research oxygen stats on young kids. 83 is exceptionally low. In fact I am surprised you were allowed home.

Poor you. That sounds so worrying. I hope your little boy is doing ok? I'd say listen to your instincts. A mothers instincts is very powerful. You know when something is just not right. Men often seem to go with the 'wait and see' way of thinking. ( probably why so many of them don't take themselves to the doctors!)
If in doubt, check it out - its a good motto.

Why is he sleeping in a room with a very damp wall when he has breathing difficulties / is on an inhaler ?

They let you come home too soon IMO (I'm not a doctor, but I know about lung problems) - but bed shortages are the state of nhs now everywhere - so don't hesitate to return to a&e if your DS's health doesn't satisfy you for any reason.

Your h was a dick about this and needs to show you some remorse really if he's to be trusted with sole care.

I was in exact same situation a couple of years ago - DH didn't think there was a problem until we got to A&E and DS was admitted. At which point he realised how serious it was. Does your DH just not like being wrong or something?

Ditto the poster above - get him out of the damp room.

Sounds like you did the right thing this time.

Please sort the wall/let him sleep some where else whilst sorting the wall.

Your DH sounds un supportive and quite uncaring tbh.

Prednisone is only given out when absolutely needed - I know this as a long time, major asthma sufferer myself. So yes your DH was BU. Your son was ill, he needed treatment quickly, you got him that. Good.

If your child is a diagnosed asthmatic(I say this with you mentioning inhalers), ask your GP for a management plan for him (pm me if you want to know more). Then when you do go away on business, your DP can refer to it and know exactly what to do and when to do it.

God no, your husband sounds like a bit of a shit head. If you cant trust him with this then you cant leave your son with him. Asthma can kill. You need to get him out of that damp room as well as that will make the problem far far worse.

Never EVER hesitate like that again. Your DH was being massively unreasonable. I agree they sent you home too soon.

You need to kick your DH up the backside. Your son could die if he does that again. It sounds like he was in an extremely bad way.

And YABU for not sorting the mould out.

Not breathing is pretty serious

83 is very low for oxygen sat so you were dead right to bring him to hospital.

My dh is a bit the same,but I am over anxious re health,so hard to know where the middle ground is.

You need to talk to him about some kind of compromise. There are certain signs etc that shouldn't be ignored.

My DH is more relaxed than me, but he wouldn't be in this case - a level of 83 is LOW, I am another one surprised they let you home.

Your DH has to learn to take this seriously if he is to be trusted to care for his child. I do not want to be alarmist, but children can deteriorate very rapidly and asthma can be fatal.

I would push for a referral to an asthma specialist, consultant or nurse. You should attend together so your DH needs is told by someone he will listen to what actions he should take in event of a potential asthma attack.

Do not let him minimize this risk.

83 is very low. I was told off by a nurse at A & E when I took Ds2 in, a few years ago and he was at 94.
She said that if you can see they are struggling to breathe you have to go in straight away, not wait and see or call a doctor.

Personally I think you both need to do a bit more research I to this. Ds2 is not asmathic but every 6-12 months if he gets a cold he can get very wheezy and you have to know how to deal with it.

If he is coughing so much he is sick and you need to use an inhaler you cannot put him to bed in a damp room.
And you cannot see he is wheezing and not act straight away, it is very dangerous.

Sit down with your DH and do some research. You both need to know how to deal with this and when you need to seek urgent medical attention.

Your DH is ridiculous for saying your DS doesn't need treatment when he is wheezing but tbh you need to know what to do as well. You can't wait 20 minutes for a doctor to phone you back.

Yes your Dh was unreasonable. End of.

I've been a nurse in theatre recovery and I would NEVER let someone's oxygen saturation drop below 90% without asking for backup and 85% without asking for an anaesthetist on standby.

Always take a child with breathing difficulties to A&E. Children can go into respiratory arrest much more quickly than an adult would.

My DD2 keeps going a little blue (no breathing difficulties, just purple lipped) I dragged her straight down to the GP (someone I know from theatre) and we're going straight to A&E if it happens again.

Asthma killed a distant relative of mine. Faster A&E treatment would have saved him.

Consequently we don't muck about if our DCs have breathing problems. I make no apologies for taking my DC2 to A&E twice for it.

You were underreacting, as I'm sure you now know, not overreacting -- but I know it's hard not to question yourself when there's a partner blethering that it's all fine and you are making a fuss. Can your DH read? He needs to do his research if so.

DS1 (considerably older) has normally mild asthma which has once or twice escalated like that and needed Prednisolone, with very strong warnings not to leave him alone and to go to A&E if it didn't help within the hour.

Incidentally, Pred has sorted DS very, very quickly both times - because it's bloody strong stuff.

If DS recovers quickly (as I hope he has), this doesn't mean you were overreacting, it means they've thrown some serious emergency treatment at him.

Please move him out of the room with the damp wall, even if it means sleeping on a mattress on the floor in another room. He may well be allergic to mould spores (like me) and his breathing might improve drastically. Just make sure it's not an old mattress full of house dust mites (or similar old pillow) or where a cat or dog sleeps.

I can see why you'd be worried about leaving your DS in the hands of his Dad if this occurs again and you're away - I would be too ..
Take him out of damp room, it will make a difference
Make your DH do some research so it goes in that this is serious - like other posters have said, it can be fatal ! Better to react and be safe than sorry !

Umm, yes. I cannot understand anyone who does not see that breathing is vital to sustain life and any meaningful impediment to that needs dealing with in a hospital setting. 83% is quite low for sats. Our first child was really quite off colour at 92% and needed nebulising and a little oxygen. Our second son was admitted, aged 5 weeks, to PICU with sats of 72% and managed on CPAP without being intubated. Frankly I think that surprised everyone, even the medical staff!

I think if you see any intercostal recession or pulling in around the throat or obvious wheezing or struggling for breath, A&E is non negotiable. Luckily, in the UK, for sick children at least, we have an amazing system. Why not take advantage of it?

I don't know how you make your husband understand that, though.

At 83 my little guy's body was beginning to shut down. He was very quiet etc.
Our Gp was so alarmed he drove us to a and e himself,on a Friday evenings!
Ds spent two weeks in hospital after that. Bronchiolitis.

Does he say that your anxiety caused your child's oxygen levels to drop?

Were the doctors suffering from anxiety when they wanted to admit him and when they nebulised him and gave him steroids?

What is your husband's explanation for these things? does he dispute the low oxygen levels? Does he think the doctors didn't need to treat him?

He's being an arse. A stupid, ignorant arse. Asthma kills.

You also need to get your son out of that bedroom until the damp is treated. That's going to really wreck his chest.

Ds has severe asthma, I wouldn't leave him with anyone I couldn't trust to care for him.

I agree with others too that sleeping arrangements need looking at as it is far from ideal.