I dropped her

[aimingtobeaperfectionist]

Last night I was changing DD, turned around for a second (I know, I know ) and she fell off the changing table.
She landed on her back, cried instantly but settled in a few minutes. DP checked her over and we rang OOH. She fed well and I state in her room all night checking her.
She seems fine today, no bumps bruises or anything different but I'm just so mad and upset. I can not believe how utterly stupid I've been and how close I came to damaging her. I've not been able to do anything today as I'm too scared to leave her. I feel like I cant trust myself and I'm a complete failure.
What kind of mum does this?!
I've not been convinced I'm any good at this mothering job as it is and now Ive just confirmed it.
I'm not really sure where to go from here, I can't tell anyone else as it will just confirm to them I'm not up to the job. Just feel like I don't have anyone to talk to.

Ds fell off the changing unit with the top of the unit when he was around 7 weeks old
turns out dp had somehow assembled it back to front. Luckily he stayed in the top of the unit and no harm was done other than to my nerves. I almost threw up with the horror of it. Ds barely even noticed
I also trapped his finger in a door a few months ago. I was moaning about the door jamming and almost really slammed it when I realised his hand was in the hinge! I am normally so careful but he'd snuck back behind me. I cried a lot again after that.
We've all done it, but makes you realise how things could change for the worse in an instant.

I was so terrified of dropping one of mine off the change station that I vividly remember putting a v.young DD down on a padded change mat in the middle of the sitting room floor one day.
I got the change things out and realised I was missing some wipes. I thought 'she's fine, she can't roll off, she can't crawl, she can't fall' and went to go and get them. What I failed to realise is just how far she could reach and had grabbed the nappy sack and had it next to her face. I was nearly sick when I realised how easily she could have suffocated. But I'd been so paranoid about avoiding the obvious danger I'd forgotten to look at the actual situation. It's a learning curve for everyone.

DD1 toppling off a chair and coming within mm of killing herself and her sister.

DD2 was in a baby bouncer on the floor, DD1 watching me cook stood in a chair, she lent over too far. Somehow her head missed the wall and the tiles and the chair back missed her sister. It sprang the bouncer apart!

I don't think either of them even cried. I still shake thinking about it.

I sleep on left side of bed and dtwin2 fed from my left boob-in the early days of feeding 2 hourly in the night I would sometimes go to sleep with them still feeding-I dropped him onto the floor not once but twice-thankfully our bed is very very low and he's a huge 7 yrold now. Tbh I was too tired to feel guilty about it for long.

Eglantyne I Wish I could! I'd love me to be enough. Not sure I am now.

I didn't mean to offend anyone with saying 'what kind of mum does this' I know no ones perfect but I'm just so mad at myself. Always thought I could protect her.

I dropped DS out of his Moses basket when he was 3 weeks old - I picked it up with him in it and lost one of the handles, he rolled out. It wasn't very far and he cried for about 2 minutes, I cried for the rest of the day! He's also rolled off the bed (I didn't know he could roll!) and climbed onto a megabloks table then fallen into a fireplace before I could reach him. His favourite thing at the moment is spinning on the spot then falling over (he's 16 months), he thinks it's hilarious but it terrifies me!

OP, you haven't offended anyone, and you are up to the job. Secretly most of us think we're rubbish at this! Honestly! I wail it to dh everytime I have pmt! My MN nickname refers to a character who wasn't what she appeared to be on the outside, and to the founder of Save the Children! A insight into my confidence in my mothering! But hey, my babies have survived to be strapping 8 & 5 year olds, they're happy, healthy and polite. And guess what - that's good enough! I hope you find some like-minded friends in RL. A good laugh over a coffee is what you need. Have a lovely Christmas with your baby x

Define dd loved sleeping with me but went through a spell of rolling out of bed, so much so that I had to put pillows by the bed!

Well I'm feeling a bit better about it all today. Thank you all so much for such positive replies. Still feel a bit shit about it but there's not much I can do now except learn from it!
Don't really have anyone in RL to talk to about these things so I really appreciate that you took the time to reply. Makes you realise there's good people out there.

You need to embrace the concept of 'Good Enough Parenting' and forget about 'Perfect Parenting' - there madness lies!

I dropped tiny DS2 born 31 weeks wt 3lbs10oz from my standing height on to wooden floor . I swear I had visions of SW wrestling him away from me and putting him up for adoption... In the end I confessed to the nurse at his routine review which happened to be the next day and she said "You're not the first (to drop a baby) and you won't be the last".

Said same preemie baby is now almost 9, built like a brick outhouse and is currently delighting in telling everybody how 'I made mummy cross and she whacked my head against the worktop corner', showing his forehead scar to prove it .
It did NOT, acterlly: we carried on, he ducked, he hit his head against the corner. That's my story, and I am sticking by it...

Babies are quite tough. And bendy .
Just learn not to trust them for a single microsecond!

"Rolls off bed - yep
Falls of changers nope not got one
Shut fingers in door yup
Clipped finger instead of nail no
Head hit on edge of coffee table or similar yes, wall, several times, doorframe, corner of wall
Drunk something not meant to be drunk - eaten soap
Anything else?? she trapped her own fingers under the door when she learned how to remove the door stopper

You've done much better than I have, OP. My DD's 7 months old and so far I have: accidentally punched her in the chin while positioning her for BF, dropped a netbook so it glanced off the sde of her head, bumped her head on the corner of her cot, almost trapped her finger in her high chair and walked her into several doors .

DD is now a year and has fallen off the bed twice in two days- yesterday, she was fidgetting while she was asleep, and last night, I plonked her (sitting) on the bed to get changed, and she was wriggling around and bouncing and suddenly "thunk!"

ooh, should clarify - DD actively seeks out bars or soap and eats it.
she knows exactly what it is and still does it.

even when we've hidden it.
she is obviously making recompense for her mother's foul mouth.

Just take positive action - I'd recommend changing on floor from now on if you can, but whatever you think is best, possibly on the bed on a changing mat ? - and then move on thankful that no harm done (that's all any of us can do after making mistakes )

I tripped walking up the stairs carrying DD. Her head was whacked on the edge of a stair tread. She cried, I cried but she got over it a lot quicker then me. I told my mum I was feeling upset due to it. Her response "oh that's nothing. You had far worse happen to you!"

I think every mum will do something completely by accident at some point.

Where is that recent thread which arrived at the conclusion that bumping a baby's head against the door frame or whatever only counted if there was blood ?

Oh, there was also the time DH trapped DS3's finger in the car door, car door would not close properly as obstructed by finger, so he opened the door and slammed it shut again, harder ! DS3 was still at the inhaling outraged breath and only screamed after the 2nd slam.
We can still make DH feel terrible by bringing this up

Most of us has done something that has meant our child has fallen off something.

Each time I had a baby within a month the previous youngest child ended up in hospital. Figured it was best we stopped having children.

DS1 was fine. DD wasn't but is now.

If you seriously think you are crap, do you think you might have PND and could use some help? You don't have to tell anyone this happened. You did nothing wrong.

Another time my DD fell off the changing mat once when I turned to sneeze. My 3 year old had to bring me the phone to ring daddy. I decided I would sneeze on her next time.

My hardwood coffee table still has the teethmarks in it where 18-month old DD3 fell mouth-first onto it. Literally as my MIL said 'Stop that, you'll fall.'

There was blood... but she's fine, though the dentist has said the enamel on her teeth is all crazed but at least it was her baby teeth.

DD was about two weeks old when she rolled off our bed. No idea how.

When she was about a year old I dropped her face down on the pavement (my leg got all tangled up in the seat belt when geting her out of the back seat of our car).

All my DC have rolled off of the bed - I have 3.
I've also leant over dd with my phone in my breast pocket to kids her good night and its fallen out and clouted her on the head.
Dc2 has slid out of the bottom of the high chair onto a tiled floor and I have clipped the end of dc3s finger with nail clippers.
I have also forgotten to strap dc2 into His infant carrier and have driven to town, transferred him from car to pushchair frame, back into the car and driven home.

Oh and dc3 has cut the same eyebrow open twice by falling into the rounded corner of the coffee table. Had to go to A&E to get it glued twice in about 2 months

My mum ran over my foot with the car when I was 15. I was fine!