Anxiety nearly 8 year old dd

[gloriafloria]

I'm worried about my little girl whose going through a hard time since going back to school in September.

It started with a loss of appetite and complaining of tummy pains. She has gradually been going off many foods that she previously really liked. We took her to the Dr back in September re the tummy pains but the dr did not think it was a physical problem. After that she did seem to get better but the last two weeks she has been getting bad again. When she sits down to eat (not at every meal though) she will have a bit then start to get shaky with fast breathing and sweaty. She won't allow anyone to touch her and if we talk about food she becomes really anxious. She then asks to go to the toilet to see if that will help her calm down (her words) then comes back but usually doesn't want to eat anything else. She's never been a really big eater and has always been quite slight but she appears to be losing weight from looking at the way her clothes are fitting. She had some cereal this morning but said she couldn't eat her vitamin because of the taste and spat it out. It's the same vitamin she has been taking for years.

She has become anxious if either me or her dad go out in the evening and says she won't go to sleep until we are back home. She also has been tearful at bedtime as she is worrying about dieing and what will happen to her cuddly toys :( or worrying about us dieing.

We went to her parent consultation this week and her teacher had not noticed anything unusual. She is a high achiever with a comprehension age of 13 + according to her teacher. When I asked my daughter if she wanted me to talk to her teacher about anything she said something quite odd "Ask her if she thinks the children are being unking to minigloria". I said "But wouldn't you know if they were being unkind" and she just shrugged. Teacher didn't think there was a problem from what she could see. I do feel although my dd is doing well workwise she is quite immature socially but again the teacher didn't seem to think so.

I've made an appointment with the dr for monday as I'm so worried. It's not the same dr so I've made the appointment just for myself as I don't think it would be a good idea to have to explain all this in front of dd. Do you think that's the best thing to do or would you just bring her along.

Thanks for reading and listening to my rambling. I'm so worried and just want to help her.

How old is your DD?

Do you have any idea if anything else apart from food and possible social interaction issues in school could be causing her anxiety?

there is a good leaflet here some of this may apply tho if she actually is gong to school then not yet?

www.n-somerset.gov.uk/NR/rdonlyres/849E02A0-70B7-4704-8191-AA48E85E71C5/0/Everychildmatters_Emotionallybasedschoolrefusalguidance.pdf

ask for a referral to CAMHS so dd can speak to someone is psychologist

Sorry she is 7 turning 8 next month. Only other thing different is her dad is off work at the moment with injury but he is getting better and should be going back soon.

I do remember earlier in the year April/May she used to do dance class but suddenly got really upset in one class and then refused to go back again saying it was too difficult. The dance teacher didn't see anything happen as to why she started crying. I didn't really think too much of it just that maybe she no longer was interested. She recently said she wanted to try football but when we got there she got really upset and refused to join in so we just left it.

The one thing she does still like doing is Brownies and there has been no problems there as far as I know.

Can the GP refer to CAHMS or is it through the school?

Thanks

The GP can refer to CAMHS but you need to be very clear about the reasons you want the referral. This has to be having a significant impact on your lives to the point you are concerned about her mental and emotional well-being. The first response is usually to tell parents their child's behaviour is normal. The CAMHS service is under a lot of pressure and the waiting lists are long. Don't be put off asking. Just be prepared to wait.

Does she often refer to herself by name rather than using "me"?

Do you think she is asking for help to understand the social interaction in school?

Could she be being bullied?

Sorry to fire questions at you but if the answer to the first one is yes perhaps you should Google Tony Attwood and Asperger's Syndrome.

I'm lurking on this thread as my dd has similar problems from time to time. I don't have any answers apart from ensuring she knows she can always talk to you, about anything, and you wont be cross.

cestlavielife thankyou for your link - I think it pretty well describes my own experiences of school life. I was absent from school so often, but no-one thought to ask me why or try to help. I absolutely hated school

OP I really hope you manage to help your dd, you sound lovely

Both my daughters have gone through the same type of thing, without the stomach pain however. Usually some type of illness or pain elsewhere triggered months of anxiety. Went through a period of collecting her from school because of them. I've suffered anxiety attacks myself, and I can assure they are NOT nice. They bring on physical symptoms and your daughter going to loo may be a safety thing, where she feels the feeling will go away.
I found that talking them through the attack always helped. I used to tell them to breathe in for 7 and out for 11 seconds. Explain why they feel this way. Tell them that their body is very clever and is like a computer. Sometimes the mind gets a trigger, such as pain or food and starts the anxiety attack. The attack is the body's way of trying to reboot and normalise itself.

Eldest daughter started them due to having a severe stiff neck once, and the other daughter choked on a piece of fruit.
Both daughters are now fine and don't suffer with attacks at all. It's normal for children at that age to begin questioning and over thinking things.

Thank you all for your helpful information. I've never had any type of anxiety before so I'm finding it really hard to try and understand this and feel quite helpless. Lou1806, that's really helpful about explaining what's happening. She says she feels like she's flipping out. I agree Maybeishoulddrive about letting her know she can talk to me without getting cross. I know now she can't help herself but at first I thought she was just being picky about eating her dinner and wasn't very understanding.

Goldmandra, she doesn't really refer to herself by her name but I have been reading more about Aspergers and some of it does sound familiar. It's the social cues that worry me as I sometimes feel she talks and talks and talks but doesn't realise when the other person is not really interested. Also she was very tactile with her friends giving hugs but I don't think she does this so much now. She also hates not being the winner in any games and has had meltdowns playing family monopoly but again I think she's better at this now. I don't know about bullying - her teacher hadn't noticed but I think so many of her friends suddenly appear very grown up and may not have so much in common. She doesn't have a best friend like I had at that age but she does seem to have lots of friends - girls and boys.

Well picked up from school and both came out very happy last day of term. Got home, had some chocolate and a drink. Played happily and then dinner time. Took one bite and the panic started (The food was chosen by her so not something she should dislike). She went to the loo came back down said she couldn't eat any more. I asked if she would like some bread, she said yes but then got really anxious and wouldn't eat it and didn't want to talk about it again. Feel sorry for her little brother as he's quite confused about it all. He loves his food to the point where he asks to eat hers if she's not going to eat it! She did have 2 frubes for pudding and they are now playing (fighting!) happily again. I just want to get back to happy 'normal' meals again and for dd to be happy and healthy.

Do you think it would help her to be allowed to eat alone? Also letting her know that she won't be in trouble if she vomits might help.

The poor little mite is obviously hungry and wanting to eat but incredibly anxious.

Is she drinking OK? You need to keep a close eye on her for signs of dehydration.

If drinking is OK for her could you make some healthy shakes for her to fill her up and take the pressure off her a bit?

If she's struggling with social cues you can help by explaining things to her and modelling the words she can use in different situations. Don't feel that you will be patronising her. My DD1 (15) is highly academically intelligent but still needs me to help her work out what words to use to talk to people at times (she was diagnosed with AS aged 12).

I am thinking about letting her sit in front of the tv and she might relax more. She has issues re vomiting - if she sees someone doing it she gets sick herself and when she had sickness bug last year it took her ages to get back to normal eating. Comparing with her brother she doesn't drink very much at all and has always been like this. She'll have half a small cup of strawberry milk in the mornings and only sips of water inbetween meals. She only ever really drinks half a cup of squash with her lunch and dinner. I used to nag her to drink more but I could see when she did try and finish her drink she then felt uncomfortable so I stopped going on about it but I do worry about dehydration. I've noticed she seems to have a lot of wind lately doing lots of 'man burps'. We've just laughed them off and keep telling her to cover her mouth but now I wonder if it could be something to do with this.

Had you suspected AS long before your dd was diagnosed at 12? Do you feel it became more obvious the older she got? Some days I'm convinced my DD has it but then other times she seems similar to her school friends. That sounds familiar about working out the right words to use. I think sometimes my dd can come across as rude but I don't think she has any intention of being mean at all.

I think we'll both go to the dr together now on Monday as when I asked her if she wanted to go and talk about it she said yes.

Thanks for all your advice, it really helps talking about it.

Update on dd's anxiety/eating issues.

After an appointment with our GP dd was referred to CAMHS for an initial assessment which we had last week. Following this they are now arranging for a full assessment and have written to school for more information. Part of me was relieved that they have acknowledged there is a problem (have been getting hassle from other family who seem to think I am overreacting and making things worse :( I so wish that was the case) but also felt sad as I was half hoping that they might just say it's just a phase that will sort itself out. So we are just waiting to hear when the assessment will be. I've been trying so hard not to let dd see how worried I am and I think mealtimes have improved, in the last week we only had 4 meals where she had a full on panic attack. I think because the pressure is off her now - I've stopped asking her any questions as I understand now this was fuelling her anxiety as she really doesn't know why she is feeling like this poor thing.

One thing the dr at CAMHS said was that after speaking with dd, there didn't seem to be any issues with school and that we should be very reassured by this. So that was good news but now worrying as does that mean it is her home life that is making her unhappy?

Just wanted to also say thanks to Goldmandra for your helpful advice. I felt much more prepared going into the intial assessment meeting although was still terrifying.