3 year old hardly eats...

[SingSingSing]

Hi,
Does anybody have any ideas of the best way to approach this... all advice gratefully received!
DD is 3 (nearly 4) and the middle DC of three. She has never really been ínto' food, but it has got noticeably worse recently. I'm trying not to make an issue of what she eats / doesn't eat but it's hard as she would eat virtually nothing if I didn't ask her to pick up her fork etc.
An average day might be a quarter of a piece of toast under duress for breakfast. Half a red pepper, 3 or four pieces of penne (which I try to drench in butter / calories / cheese) and a petit filous and for supper a few mouthfuls of whatever it is - spag bol / rice / shepherds pie. Even food she likes - like strawberries - she'll only ever have a couple.
I'm trying not to make any issue out of this, not giving her extra attention at meal times (as that seemed to make it worse) - but I don't want her to have food 'issues'.
I am also permanently wrestling with an ED, but to my children I would want them never to know that, which is why I fight with the need for it to be history. It's not 'visible' to them, and I'm trying my best for it not to any part of our lives.
I add the last paragraph to be honest - but really I'm interested if anybody has had similar feeding issues and how you resolved it!
Many thanks.

I imagine the answer lies in your ED. No matter how much you try to disguise it children pick up on things. My SIL is very funny with food, to the point she often 'faints', she rarely eats really, maybe just picks now and again. Because of this her children don't eat very well. She got rid of the dining table as "we never use it". Children are really mirror images of us, if you look deep enough you'll see their behaviour often mimicks ours - whether we like it or not

I have 4 children, we eat at the dining table every night, we eat breakfast and lunch together (although not at the dining table). Because mine see me and dh with a healthy appetite, they have developed the same healthy appetite.

My advice is that you sit and eat with dd during meals. It might help an awful lot. I think you are doing the right thing by not making a big issue out of it as this does make the problem worse.

Good luck

Hi,
I ensure that we all have breakfast together as a family, lunch - whoever's at home and supper all together as a family - all at the table. But DD is normally ends up crying that she isn't hungry...

I think it is just a control issue. And a one that will pass as you seem to be doing everything right! Just continue not making a fuss about it. Also might be worth making just the 3 meals a day, not asking in between if she's hungry or any mention of food. Let her come to you when she's hungry in between. At meals just put food down, eat yours and chatter. Don't even mention her food at all. I think she'll soon eat when she realises the pressure is off and that she's getting no attention at all from not eating/being fussy etc.

She may just be filling herself grazing ... so I guess the question now is do you want her to graze or do you want her to eat proper meals? ...

Soooooo sorry!! I made a mistake!! I didn't read properly so didn't see you weren't the op

That's the first time I've done it! I'm mortified, I'm a perfectionist like to be right all the time !

ha ha, thankyou

I would leave it for the moment, even though the amounts your dd is eating seem small, I am sure they are enough for her to be healthy at the moment- continue not making a big deal of eating and I am sure she will staart eating more without anyone really realising it.

Thank you everyone, i wish she was a grazer but unfortunately she's just an 'abstainer' at the moment!
I think I will try to just not mention food at all and not discuss food at mealtimes etc and see if it improves. The difficult thing is seeing her flagging and tired, knowing that she if ate properly she'd have enough 'fuel'.
As you say, it could well be a nearly four year old control thing!
Just wish I couldn't count her ribs!
Here's hoping its a phase.
Many thanks,

When ds1 had a spell like this we used miradex, a supplement, to keep him going- that may help

Mine were all slim where you count their ribs too, don't worry about that too much. Give it 2 weeks of not mentioning food at all, just make meals and eat together, no worry or mention of her eating. If she's still the same after 2 weeks I'd take her to GP just to rule out any medical condition.

Thanks re miradex, will look into it.
Not discussing what anyone of us eats / doesn't eat is what how we'll be handling it for a fortnight to see how we get on.

Many thanks for all your help!