Worried about Nephew.....Advice please

[AtLeastThatsWhatYouSaid]

I don't know if I'm worrying over nothing, after all I only have one DC so not much to compare with and I know every baby/child is different.

I have two Nephews who were born 6 weeks apart, the youngest is 10 weeks old.
The last few weeks I've become quite concerned as he doesn't seem to have developed much since birth. He's very 'floppy' as in not lifting his head. When I hold him he wriggles but he doesn't seem to have any strength so his head rolls back a lot. Also his eyes seem very unfocused. I know this is the case with all newborns but he doesn't engage, its like he has no awareness of anyone infront of him. One eye tends to turn to the left (also know this is common in newborns) but it doesn't seem any different since birth. He also has a tendency to 'look' up to the left.
That sounds a bit silly but when I see him doing this something doesn't feel right. I can't put my finger on it.

Also after every feed he is sick through his nose. I've never seen that before. He doesn't seem to have grown much.

A close friend gave birth to her son 3 weeks after nephew was born and her son has progressed further, so much that you would think he is older than DN.

I've kept this to myself as I thought I have been worrying over nothing but my mother mentioned it to me yesterday. My other brother and SIL mentioned it to her.
Everything I have mentioned above they thought too.

My brother and SIL (the parents) are very private people so even if they had concerns I don't think they would tell us until they knew for sure.

Do I mention it to DB in private? Or are we just worrying over nothing.

You do need to address your concerns gently to your brother,

If there is an issue they do need to have the baby checked,

Do you think your brother would come over all ostrich and stick his head in the sand if there was a problem,

would you know if they were having it checked out?

It's hard to tell with DB. He can be quite defensive or an ostrich with certain things but I really don't know how he would react to this.

SIL is more private than DB as she's quite shy. She's had two MC's in the past that she didn't want anyone to know about but DB confided in me as he was upset and needed someone to talk to. So with this they may already have concerns but won't tell anyone.

Everytime I see DN I get this knot in my stomach that something Is wrong so I know I need to mention it. Gently as you said.

They have two older children, one is a toddler who is a handful so a lot of their attention is not just focused on the baby. So maybe if they haven't noticed this could be the reason why.

Does what I described in the op sound like it is a cause for concern? I don't want to say anything if its just us being paranoid

yes it does sound odd, it could very well be that the baby is a slow developer, no two babies are the same,

could you say to your brother, something like, "how did .......... get on at the last developmental?", "sorry to ask,you know what a worrier I am",

he might well welcome the chance to talk.

when you lift him up by holding under his arms does he "slip through"?

they probably know but dont want to face up to it -it is hugely difficult. but the more behind he gets the more likely they or someone will pick up on it and get him referred.

however, you could research being sick thru the nose and suggest they see someone. eg a feeding specialist. eg look up feedng specialist newborn at local hospital and say oh i have heard there is a good feeding specialist at xx xhospital and you can get a referral via gp or hv. apparently they deal with vomiting thru the nose babies all the time....

so it s a specific thing rather than you telling them "there is something wrong with your child" which they wont want to hear....

I would tread carefully if they have had a six week check I would say something has already been picked up. You say they are very private people there is a good chance they have taken steps to investigate it but have chosen not to discuss it yet with the rest of the family.

I am a very private person too and there are health concerns about my dc which I have not discussed with family. I guess from their point of view it would look like my head is in the sand, it's not I just don't want to discuss it with everyone!

Thank you for your replies.

When I held him the other day, under the arms, he just seems to hang 'limp' with his head rolling back. Even when holding him upright with his head on my shoulder I have to support his head all the time.

Sorry to drip feed but also when he cries he shakes. It's a very forceful type of crying. He was born with a hernia so at first I assume it was that as they can be painful from what I've heard.

Could that be an opening for you asking if everything to do with hernia is all clear now? Does he have to be checked out again because of it?

DB told me the other day that it hasn't got any smaller but HV told them they don't like to operate on babies for hernias anymore. They have to wait until he's about 3 apparently.

dd had/has since birth a hernia it has never caused any pain. but he may have reflux etc.

when they take him for vaccinations hopefully they will talk about the other issues with GP or hv and get referred for review - but at this age in absence of major issues they may just watch and wait anyway.

encourage them to seek feeding advice re: the vomiting as some babies may need medication or investigation. tho if baby putting on weight then it isnt such an issue.

with a very floppy baby it isnt just head control - when you try lift under arms the arms slip up and baby can slip out of your arms if you dont hold tight. baby feels loose and soft and extra cuddly. other babies feel "stiff" in comparison.