"My ears hurt, Mummy"... :(

[Milchardo]

I might post this in Health as well... I know in the grand scheme of things it's nothing, but it's got me down a little today...

I posted about this about a week or so ago as I was at a loss to know what was causing it... I was supposed to be taking my 3-year-old DD, to her friend's birthday party today. Because I can't drive (thank you, dyspraxia!) my friend, whose son's birthday it is, picked us up early so we could chat while I helped her get things ready for the party. Anyway, the little boy started making 'meaow' noises at DD and she went into complete hysterical meltdown. :( This meltdown happened several times with any noise she didn't like (TV being on, etc.,) until I decided it would be better for everyone if we just came home again because she was getting so upset - and the other party guests hadn't even arrived yet (one of their little friends has SN and shrieks quite a bit when she's excited and DD had already got really upset at even the thought of this friend being there - her mother is stressed to the max as it is and I didn't want DD adding to that stress...)

This situation with reacting badly to certain noises has been getting progressively worse over the past few weeks/months... Before it was just hot air hand-dryers, drills, lawnmowers, vaccuum cleaners, babies crying, etc., but now it seems to also include other children who aren't talking 'normally' as well...

She said the noise makes her ears hurt so I took her to the doctor last week who told me that she couldn't see anything wrong with her ears, but has referred me to see a paediatrician because she think DD might have inherited my dyspraxia and have also developed an over-sensitivity to noise (I'm over-sensitive to smells) as one of the symptoms.

The thing is, she starts nursery in September at the school and I worry that they will refuse to take her/she will be too distressed to attend because of this... I feel like it's my fault she reacts this way. :( I'm getting upset about this already... To make matters worse, it's not as if she's a quiet, introverted little girl! Apart from this reaction to noise she's a really outgoing extrovert (unlike me!)

Any advice from anyone who has been through this? I've no idea when I will hear about a peadiatric appointment...

TIA

Have you spoken to her nursery about it? They shouldn't refuse to take her, they should be able to put some plan into place.

It is great that your docotr is refering her on and not dismissing your claims.

Haven't been through this myself but as a teacher if someone came to me with this every school i have been in would be keen to help.

Good luck.

My 4yo DD has been at nursery since 6mo, totally accustomed to it, took all room changes in her stride.

Also very outgoing, bossy, noisy herself.

The change up to the Pre-schoolers' room a year ago threw me completely. She went in in tears and came home in tears - finally she said it was too noisy for her and the big boys made her ears hurt. At a loss of what to do, I went to the GP.

The GP said that some children just are more sensitive to noise than others and that she didn't appear to be autistic. (FWIW, I have very recently become aware that I might have Aspergers, so maybe she has that, who knows).

BTW, DD also still won't tolerate noise from any of the things on your list. My baby boy appears to be the same too.

Anyway, I spoke to the nursery and she was kept back in her previous class for another couple of weeks and introduced to the new class more gradually, and with a good friend. In the end, she was fine, and now goes in quite happily, even if it's noisy.

If it helps, I do find the nursery very noisy some days myself! Also I would say that the middle of the week, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, are the "noisy" days and the busiest days for nurseries. Mondays and Fridays, IME, tend to be less kids and quieter. Maybe some gradual introduction or allowing her to go on the quieter sessions would work?

I'm pleased the GP took it seriously enough to refer you. But please try not to worry too much, and I hope it goes okay for your daughter.

Oh, and BTW it's not your fault!

Thank you for your replies and reassurance - I'll speak to the school next week.

People have been mentioning autism, which I know nothing about (apologies for my ignorance) but as well as all this - and being the bossiest child my HV said she'd ever met! - she's very sensitive and empathic, so I didn't think that autism was likely? However, I know that will my dyspraxia I can display autistic-like traits without actually being on the spectrum, if that makes sense?!

will = with

Be aware that autism in girls can present differently to the stereotypical view.

dd didn't cope well with noise as a preschooler (drills, hedge trimmers, hand dryers, bashing on a piano ...) but is fine at 10. Maybe she will gradually become desensitised through going to school. Make the teacher aware, so that they can spirit her away if it becomes too much and dd can feel safe to vocalise any anxiety, but sometimes you have to face the situation to get used to it and cope better. Don't avoid situations over the summer but choose less stressful ones at first.

Hi Milchardo , have a look at The Highly Sensitive Child. There is a website and a book. It was suggested to me by someone on mumsnet and was really helpful. There is a checklist you can do on the website.

My dd who is 6 now sounds very much like yours. As a small child and toddler she was extremely sensitive to noise - some things you would expect and other sounds that most children wouldn't even register would really upset her.

She had a lot of other anxieties too and we were worried about her starting school so we took her to a Play Therapist.

It was expensive but totally worth it.

The therapist worked with her through play. They did a lot of work on noise - using different instruments etc and making a real racket. Once dd learned to enjoy noise when she was in control she became much better at dealing with noise around her.

She started school in Sept and her teacher was aware of her issues. Initially she said dd would cower back and cover her ears when it got noisy but bit by bit she got used to it and by the end of the year she was very comfortable in the classroom environment.