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pulling my hair out with ds bladder and bowel problems

15 replies

morecoffeemorecoffee · 29/06/2012 18:36

I need to off load! I'm at a point where I think things will never change. This is long, sorry, but don't want to leave anything out....

Ds is 6. We've had problems with wetting since he started potty training aged 2.5. Maybe he wasn't ready, I don't know, but he never quite got it. He would go for a wee in the potty and later on the toilet, but his pants and often trousers would normally be wet before he got there. Had the usual crap advice: "boys take longer to get potty training, he'll get there" and "he's just too caught up in what he's doing and forgets to go" etc. I knew deep down there was something not right but I trusted the advice of nursery, family, friends etc as he was my 1st child and had never been through this (potty training) before.

So, fast forward a bit. Ds starts reception and he's still wetting him self, but is also pooing himself aswell. He started having more frequent poo accidents about 6months before starting reception. Again, got the same advice as above. It got to around his 5th birthday (while he's still in reception) and I needed to potty train ds2. I was dreading it tbh. I thought I would probably have some sort of melt down with the stress I was anticipating. However, ds2 was s dream! He got it in 2days and had (and still has) excellent bladder and bowel control. This was my alarm. This made me realise that ds1 did have a prob. So during a routine health questionnaire at school, I asked for Ds to be referred to the school nurse about his toileting problems.

He has been seeing the school nurse every 6wks for a year. He had also seen the pediatrician a couple of times. Hrs finally been referred to a bladder and bowel specialist in 2months time. He takes oxybutynin hydrochloride for urinary incontinence caused by overactive/irritable bladder and movicol to encourage regular bowel movements. He eats a very.healthy diet, plenty of fibre. We avoid Apple juice, Orange juice and artificial sweetners as these make his wetting accidents more likely as they irritate the bladder.

So back to tonight and the reason I'm pulling my hair out! He's been doing really well with pooing on the toilet, getting there in time, no accidents etc for over a week. So he gets a reward today and is so happy. However, he has then wet himself during the day and pood his pants this afternoon. He didn't tell me he'd pood himself until bath time. By this point his skin is sore, he's embarrassed and screaming and crying. I'm trying to remain calm and say its ok, I'm not cross, when really, inside, I hate this. Four years of cleaning up wee and poo on my Ds is driving me nuts.

Plus, all I really want is a glass of wine, but I can't as I'm pregnant! If you've got this far, thank you and well done! If anyone has any advice, I would welcome it. If you're in a similar situation and want to share, please do!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
morecoffeemorecoffee · 29/06/2012 19:51

Just me then .....

OP posts:
ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 29/06/2012 19:54

Absolutely no advice, but just bumping for you.
Good luck.

morecoffeemorecoffee · 29/06/2012 19:57

Thanks boobs :)

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Housewifefromheaven · 29/06/2012 19:57

My neice who is the same age wears a watch which sounds an alarm every 1.5 hours. When it beeps off she goes to the toilet. Maybe this would help a bit? Sorry haven't any better answers!

morecoffeemorecoffee · 29/06/2012 19:59

Have wondered about getting a watch housewife does she get on ok with it? Ds gets very cross when we remind him to Ho to the loo. Maybe a watch would seem more acceptable to him?

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GrimmaTheNome · 29/06/2012 20:04

Oh no, its not just you - it feels as though it is because this is the sort of thing no-one talks about IRL.

My DD (yes, it happens with girls too) is teenage now so I'm starting to forget but it is so difficult when you're going through it. With the pooing, it started getting much better when I managed to stop getting wound up about it and mentally made it her responsibility, if that makes any sense to you. Help with the practicalities, but ultimately that's one they've got to control themselves. Of course you hate it - but believe me, if you can stay calm it really will help.

The weeing - damp pants daytime, wetting at night - wasn't resolved till she was in yr3 and we got referred to the - goodness, I've forgotten the correct terminology - the incontinence nurse. In DDs case it was mostly down to not drinking enough - she had to drink over a litre of water during the day to help expand her bladder, and then she did some 'programming' at bedtime - telling herself that if she needed a wee she would get up and go to the loo. It took a few months but she cracked it.

GrimmaTheNome · 29/06/2012 20:05

Ds gets very cross when we remind him to Ho to the loo. Maybe a watch would seem more acceptable to him?

It might do. Again, its about him taking control of it.

Housewifefromheaven · 29/06/2012 20:14

I think she's fine with it, although tbh I'm not sure Blush

I think at the end of the day though anythings worth a try :o

nextphase · 29/06/2012 20:37

We're younger than your LO, so hope you don't mind me posting. You say your son has a very healthy diet? We had almost instant success with poos after a year of dirty pants when I limited the amount of fruit DS1 ate. He's allowed a piece with each meal, and mid am / pm snack (so thats up to 5 adult sized portions in pre schooler, plus veg/salad with lunch and dinner), but if he asks for fruit after that amount, he gets offered toast, rice cakes cereal or biscuits. Its firmed things up (tho if your on movicol, does that mean you've got the opposite problem?), and I think helped with the sensation whilst being able to hold things in iyswim?
Hope you start getting answers and help soon. I was demented with the time frame I'd dealt with, and am also dreading training DS2.

GrimmaTheNome · 29/06/2012 21:51

Next - in older children who persistently soil, its usually due to constipation and/or withholding - then you get more fluid stuff leaking out.

soupmaker · 29/06/2012 22:13

Hello. Not just you. Us too. DD is 4.5. I won't bore you with all the details but we've had 18 months of hell since she started potty training. I waited until she was almost 3 to get started. She has never been dry and after 9 months of being okay with poo started soiling as well. I've been to the HV and GP and now have a hospital appointment in July. DD went back into pull ups last summer for a few weeks just to take the pressure off as I had a MC. She is a bright wee thing who in every other way is eager to please. I am at my wits end. I have cried more tears over this than any thing else and behaved very badly towards DD at times as it is just not possible to be a saint who is able to remain calm at all times. It is completely soul destroying and has had a huge impact on our family. None of my friends in RL have any idea of the hell of having an incontinent child. I've now got DD wearing little pads in her pants but she now has sore bits as she doesn't tell us when she has leaked. It just never ends. She goes to school in August and I am dreading it. I so feel your pain. Sad

GrimmaTheNome · 29/06/2012 23:38

oh soup, I know how horrible it is but it will end. It's good you've got an appt. line up.

Egg · 30/06/2012 08:16

My ds1 used to have soiling problems every day when he was younger and on movicol. I found it very very stressful. He then had an upset stomach and I stopped the movicol until he recovered from that and the soiling stopped. I genuinely think the movicol meant he had v little control over his bowels.

It sounds like your ds has had more issues, and he is older than mine was, but have you tried stopping the movicol for s few days to see if it helps? Sorry if you have tried this.

I really feel for you. I had one year old twins when we were going through this and it felt like one of the hardest periods of being a parent, but at least I could drink heavily in the evening to temporarily relieve the stress.

soupmaker · 30/06/2012 09:38

DD was given lactose then movicol when the soiling was it it's worst. Often 3-4 times a day. Both made things worse. So after a few weeks of even worse hell I stopped it and things improved instantly in both departments. So similar experience to Egg.

morecoffeemorecoffee · 30/06/2012 10:20

Thanks everyone.

The movicol isn't the issue. He with holds until he can't hold it in any more and some leaks out iyswim. He never does a full poo in his pants, it can be small hard crumbly bits (the size of kidney beans) or a bigger bit which is a more normal consistency. Sorry for the tmi, but you get used to describing poo after a while! He drinks loads, needs lots of fiber and has it. The movicol is to encourage a regular bowel movement. His behaviour is terrible when he needs a poo. He gets really cross, angry and irritable so we always know when he needs to go.

grimma we have tried making him take ownership of the problem. We normally leave it to him to decide when he goes to the toilet, but when he's so cross and angry that its upsetting us or his brother we step in and tell him to go to the toilet.

Some good news though. He went for a poo this morning of his own accord so all is happy and calm today. I'm sure we will still have wet pants though.

Have looked into the watches again and pretty sure I will order one today.

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