I gave birth to my DD in 2006, i had always wanted to BF but she couldn't. I had her on the Sunday morning and MW after MW came by the bed to help get her to latch on. She didn't. So they sent me to a breast feeding group. That didn't help either. I was sat in a room full of women, with my breast in a bandage, holding it up. Was horrible!! So i went back to my bed and tried and tried all day again (by now it was Monday) DD was starting to get upset, she was obviously hungry. Yet another MW came over to help, this time though, she put her finger in DD's mouth and then said she was just going to speak to someone and would be right back. They came back together and sat me down, told me that my DD had a Cleft Palate. I was devasted! I asked the question, will she need to have an operation?? I already knew that answer. My tiny little baby was going to have an operation, to be put to sleep and have an operation!
The first operation was done when she was just 6 months old! Another operation to have grommets put in was done when she was a year and a half, this cleared her speech up so much! She went from saying 'mamy' to 'baby' within days of having that done. Then last year, another operation for her cleft palate. Before the operation, she had to have a camera up her nose :( that was horrible, she cried and had to talk when it was up there. The operation was done in April last year. I was dreading it, having a child who could talk etc, go through an operation, i wasn't looking forward to it. But do you know what, she's an amazing little girl! She was smiling within minutes of waking up! We went into it really positively with her, she was excited that she was going to be able to say 'bus' instead of 'buh' bless her. Afterwards, it was hard. She had to go back to eating mush. Wasn't allowed any lumps for 2 weeks, then just soft foods for the next 2 weeks. I remember trying to encourage her to eat and drink in the hospital, knowing that they wouldn't let us home before she did. The boy in the bed next to her, with the same operation, he had to have suppository for his medicine as he refused to take anything through his mouth :( was heartbreaking to see his mum getting so upset.
Well that operation hasn't done as good a job as they were hoping, the speech therapist can't do anymore for her, she's really pleased with how well DD has done, so am i. So proud of her. But she still talks with a nasal sound to her words and i dont' want it effecting her confidence at school etc. Sometimes people have a little trouble understanding her, i don't want that for her.
We have an appointment for her on 21st June for the camera again, i'm preparing her for it, it helps that she's had it so that she remembers. She's looking forward to seeing the back of her mouth on that tv screen again, she liked that last time (once she stopped crying) fingers crossed she'll do well with it. I found it really hard last time, had to bite my tongue so hard to stop myself crying. Then her operation is going to be in August. I'm dreading it. It doesn't get easier, the more times you go through that. Leaving your DC laying there, in the hands of strangers, its so hard! Breaks my heart every time! The first two operations, i was with her father, the last time i was with my new partner, i coped with that one so much better. He was an amazing support. It was him that got her smiling as soon as she woke up! It helps, knowing i'm going to have him there by my side again. But the thought of going through that, again! Its hard!
I sometimes blame myself for everything she's had to go through. I know its not my fault, but as a parent, i think thats natural, isn't it?