Downs Syndrome Anxiety

[coltrane2]

I'm a naturally anxious dad and this is my very first post (sorry if it should be on Dad's net). My wife gave birth to a lovely and so we're told perfectly healthy baby girl six weeks ago (2nd child, after 6 year old son).

Daughter appears to be developing fine and is beautiful, but I can't help worrying about Downs Syndrome, even though no such diagnosis has been suspected in any of the post natal checks. I even questioned the mid wife and she said she could not see any sign of it at all.

My suspicion is slight but I can't shake it: daughter has almond shaped eyes and flexible fingers. In every other respect I can't see Downs symptoms, but it's the usual thing of reading/ google symptoms and suddenly seeing every symptom under the sun.

Should I ask the "stupid question" again even though I've been told there's no sign by a professional and it wasn't picked up elsewhere? I have my wife worrying now, which isn't great.

I don't want to find out in 4 years time that my daughter has a heart defect or development problems.

I don't mean this post to sound flippant or disrespectful to parents who have babies with confirmed Downs Syndrome.

Hi Coltrane. Can I just ask if you've ever had a similar issue about something as in anxiety about something health related with regards to you or someone else?

Why do you think she has this? Tbh those features don't sound that unusual.
What antenatal checks did they do?

Also why are you so nervous of this? As you say in your post downs is not the end of world so I am wondering if there Is something else behind this (eg family history) as seems an odd thing to fixate on in circumstances.

Oh and dads are welcome and congratulations

Find a way to get a definitive answer, so you can move on. Having a baby is a time when a lot of anxieties come to the fore, so don't be too surprised if you start worrying about something else afterwards..

Well spotted and thanks. My parents both died of cancer when I was young and I'm self aware enough to know that there's a link. As such, despite being a rounded and successful human being in (hopefully) most other aspects, I do worry a lot about health generally (I have a cancer scare every 6 months it seems).

They did the usual antenatal scans for Downs and nothing found.

I agree it's not the end of the world and I hear many stories of people with DS leading full and rich lives. However, on the basis of wishing the easiest passage through what is after all not an easy life, I'd prefer my daughter didn't have that positive diagnosis. As I say, don't want to infuriate the mothers with beautiful children who have this condition.

Don't want to waste the time of health visitors and doctors who could channel that time to children who need it, just can't shake the feeling that I'd like it confirmed as not.

I have a lot of sympathy as recurrent mc/losing a son due to abnormalities brought this out in me.

My suggestion is two fold. Firstly get dd checked out thoroughly so can put mind at rest with that analysis.

Then speak to your Gp about therapy. I am assuming you don't want to go through your cancer scares, kids Health scares any More. I am not pretending it's a quick or easy fix but it should help you understand your fears/triggers . It won't take them away but it should help you cope and contain them better.

I am proof of this as managed to get thru 2 pregnancies and another mc plus a cancer dx and be able to cope a whole lot better than I could have done.

Sorry read your post and had massive empathy about how you can think like this and how it affects your family.

It's not a waste of their time as your mental health is important too, you can't be the parent you want to be if you're worrying all the time (I know this from experience!)

Sorry to hear about your parents Coltrane. I have self diagnosed myself with just about every disease going at one point or another and Dr Google is vicious. He never diagnoses you with 'a cold' :) But you know that even getting another health care professionals opinion wont work because you'll think 'what if they were wrong'. Probably just keep reminding yourself of times you've convinced yourself of one illness or another on no evidence but if your anxieties about health etc persist and cause you problems please do discuss it with your GP.

As someone on ads recovering from an anxiety disorder of which health anxiety was a BIG part, I just want to agree with what head said. See your GP, you'll wish you'd done it years ago.
Congratulations on your new arrival btw.