Paed says DS needs to be circumcised.

[Voidka]

DS is 5 and has ASD and LD.

His foreskin has always been tight and its started to get red. He has a routine appointment this morning with his paed who said that it was too tight so it would need to be removed and is referring him for surgery as a day case.

Now I have read threads on Circumcision before which never go well, and I know its alot of stress at first (I also dont know how DS would cope with the pain as he is so sensitive to it, and I dont even know how they would get him to sleep)

But is the alternative worse? DS got so distressed by the end of the appointment that I didnt get to ask what would happen if we didnt do it.

It is different if it needs to be done for medical reasons, at 5 he would have a GA.

Dp had to have this done for the same reason as a child.

My ds1 had it done at 5 as it was causing him pain when he urinated. It was pretty painful due to sensitivity at first but now he is fine and no longer stresses about weeing.

Not sure about your circumstances, but DS had his done aged 3 and it can be a very tough week after the surgery as they are definitely in a lot of pain. Getting him to walk took a few days and he found urinating and bathing quite distressing to start with. They don't let them leave the hospital until they've gone to the toilet, and DS held on a very long time.

However, things are far less painful for him now he isn't struggling with a tight foreskin. His father had the operation at 24 and was adamant that if it needed done then the younger he was the better because it was incredibly painful as an adult.

Has the paediatrician mentioned any other methods of dealing with this? I know some children grow out of it, and there are some other options that are less immediate but can help too.

I think I would be taking some advice on how to cope with this sort of procedure specifically with regards to how your son will react, is there anyone who can offer advice in a professional status about it?

Hopefully you hear from some other mums too. x

I don't think anyone would criticise a medically-indicated intervention.

Could you perhaps seek a telephone appointment to find out the likely consequences if it were not done?

i don't know a massive amount about circumcision, but have you tried any of the alternatives? or are they not suitable?

you normally get given a steroid cream to try first, which thins the skin i think and makes it easier to retract and stretch?
or I think there is a form of circumcision which just takes out a small part and releases the tension without being a full removal of the foreskin

it's definitely worth looking up ALL the options and then discussing those with the consultant if you haven't done so already.

There are options surgically as well as a "whip it all off" circumcision. I hope you'll get a decent chat with the surgeon beforehand. There is a thing called a "dorsal slit"

www.medscape.com/viewarticle/541801_16

Which seems to be enough to do the trick for some. the cosmetic effect is different but maybe for a child like yours the fact that the healing will be so much less traumatic it might be a good choice.

(actually I've more idea why it isn't done more often- lady bits all look different, why should foreskins be either on or off? I'm not a bloke but I'd think the sensations of having a foreskin would be preserved here even if it is a bit unusual looking)

Thanks everyone.

I did ask her if I would get to see someone before the appointment and she said that there would be a pre-op appointment with the consultant at an out patients clinic so I will arm myself with all the info.

My main concern obviously is that DS is not going to understand what the hell is going on at all - and it could be terribly traumatic and painful for him.

I don't know anyone who would think a medical circumcision for a child presenting with pain and discomfort is a bad thing.

Surgery for children is painful and hard, but if it is for a genuine medical reason then it's just one of those things. I had my tonsils out at 6, a friend's son had open heart surgery; you just have to prepare them as best as you can. Read one of the going to hospital books, do let them know it will be uncomfortable when he comes around, and encourage him to tell you anything which worries him.
It is very different to getting the op done for religious or cultural reasons.

Unfortunately my DS wont be able to be prepared and cannot voice any concerns because of his learning disabilities. Thats my main concern that he wont understand anything and he will be terrified.

is there any reason they are going straight for circumsision? only they thought my ds1 would need it and we opted to try the steroid cream (which thins the foreskin and allows it to stretch) first and this worked fine, there are other option before a full circumsision as well, it may be worth getting a second opinion and thinking about the other options first if possible, if not and it has to be done for medical reasons then i think thats fine, no idea abou the LD side of things, do they have a specialist nurse who can help try nad prepare him?

Vodka have you tried getting advice from the NAS helpline? Because I am sure there is some way you can prepare him if only a little. Also have you asked the hospital about the special preparation they are making for him, actually in your circumstances I don't think a brief pre-op consult is enough.

What other help do you have for his SN? Could you discuss it with them, and see what advice they can give you?

The only advice i can give is to say my ex had to have it done when he was about 8. He was too embarassed to tell anyone he was in pain until it got really bad. He said the first wee he had after was just bliss, but that it squirted all over the place! Anyway I really think try the cream or the dorsal slit method as "whipping it off" seems pretty final.Id ask for another consultation before the big day as its easier for you to discuss it if theres no pressure or time limit. As for SEN, yes id get more support + advice from the clinic, or see if theres any resourses on line maybe? Good Luck, I hope it works out ok.

DPs bro had it done at 7 and went mute for a week.

he is not in a healty happy relationship with a fairly , ahem, asertive gf.

i'm shocked that she's gone straight for a circumcision rather than trying other options....i once read that medical circumcision are very rarely needed and that often a problem sorts itself out by puberty anyway!

Can you get a second opinion?

I can't comment on the medical intervention but it sounds like what ever route you go down you and ds are going to need some support. Any op can be scarey for a child but more so for your ds if you can't prepare him in the same way. Can I suggest that you speak to the play specialists at the hospital - they should be contactable through the childrens ward or look on your hospitals website for more info. I also agree with mummytime that NAS might be able to offer advice.
x

AMPUTATION !?!?

That's a very severe and drastic last-resort mode of treatment. I hope he never gets an ingrown toenail with this doctor around.

If he's red he may have an infection. How do we treat infections (in girls, for example)?

Tight foreskin is the normal natural state of a child's penis. The gradual breakdown of the membrane common to the skin and glans (synechia) is like teething; it can cause waves of temporary inflammation. Retraction often comes after age 10 or later. Medical associations are emphatic, ONLY THE OWNER should ever try to retract a foreskin.

If there really is some sort of mystical emergency to get the glans uncovered, that can be accomplished without foreskin amputation. A multi-incision dorsal slit with transverse closure can make the skin retractable, amputating nothing.

Foreskin feels REALLY good. Please fight for your son's future capacity to fully enjoy intimacy. Our job as parents is to keep doors open for our children so their futures are not needlessly limited.

I can't wait to read the OP's response to this post .

You've made some very good suggestions, Tugger. It's too bad they were made in such an Inflammatory way.

I'm just guessing, of course, but I'm thinking the OP is probably stressed enough about this and didn't need you shouting "amputation" at her in caps.

That's a bit....needlessly hysterical, Tugger.

I agree jacks mania. Amputation is both strong & unnecessary. Don't you think she's stressed enough? Not having a foreskin does not ruin your life or your sexlife in particular. There is noone in my family or friends with a foreskin for either religious or medical reasons. It's a lot better to sort it out now then for him to go through it as an adult.
My ds had to have an operation on his willy when he was 7. It was difficult but like someone else said the relief when he went to the toilet after was immeasurable. He will get over the operation. Contact your school SENCO to see if they know of any support available ( you don't have to go into detail).
None on here knows your sons medical history as well as your family or medical team. They don't advice ops on children easily. I wish you well.

I'm amused atvthe idea of a rl conversation between voldka and rugger, say in a coffee shop: I'm worried my boy has been recommended circumcision - any advice, tugger? "AMPUTATION!!! You what?" lovely! Nothing useful to add here, but don't take it to heart op!

Hi OP, my DS had the dorsal slit surgery when he was 5. He was in theatre for less then 5 min and recovered in a matter of days. He still has his foreskin but is able to pee without pain. I would recommend this less intrusive procedure.

The medical staff are great at dealing with kids - though understandable your DS will find the change in environment stressful. I was allowed to walk into theatre with my boy, after he was put to sleep and waited in recovery for the few minutes the surgery took. He woke up with me beside him.

Hope it all goes well for you OP.

A bit strong there tugger. Remember that this is a parent of a child where a paediatrician has indicated circumcision is necessary. Suggesting a second opinion rather than using such emotive language might have been better.

Having foreskin issues can "needlessly limit" enjoying intimacy just as much, it's far more important to arm other parents with knowledge and let them make informed decisions, than it is to use scaremongering tactics (such as shouting about AMPUTATION).

I agree with the others re. tugger's over-excitable reaction. FGS, man - the OP already has enough stress on her plate!

She needs information to take back to the pre-op assessment, not needless hysteria!

As it is, there are other apparent ways forward that the OP can now ask the consultant about in preference to full circumcision - and discover why not (if not) these are inappropriate.

OP - if it has to be done, it has to be - and better now than later. As other posters have said, no one apart from hysterical males is going to have a go at you for a medically-required procedure.

Thanks everyone for your replies.

The Paed didnt mention cream, but I have just come off the phone with her and she said that everything will be discussed at the appointment, not just straight into surgery.

To be fair to her she may have mentioned these things, but DS was really kicking off and as soon as I heard circumcision I started to worry and maybe didnt listen as well as I could.