SOS loking for Support: chicken pox scars on face-nose

[WishUpon2Stars]

My dd had chicken pox 1 year and 3 months ago (she was 2, 5 years old then) and she was left with several chicken pox scars on her gorgeous face, including one on the middle of her nose (pitted). Since then, I?m still grieving for my little one perfect face and it has been very hard for me to accept those scars when I look at her every morning. I cry almost every day and I feel so guilty because I feel that somehow I could have done something to prevent this from happening, only if I knew this dreadful illness cause these horrible scars. Every day I wish they could magically go away. This hurt?s me even more because she is really, really gorgeous?

When she had it, I was 38 months pregnant and never had had chicken pox (not sure by then, I had to do some tests to see if I was immune, wish I wasn?t?), so I was worried about the consequences for my baby ? I ended up with chicken pox 2 days after labour and was separated from my baby during his first week of life, not knowing what could happen to him?

I've read several posts? here on the subject trying to find some hope, but it is been very difficult for me to do so. It?s true that the bigger one crater type on her forehead improved a lot (is less deep and white) and even that one on her nose improved a little bit, much less however, considering it is much smaller (there was a time I had the hope that with time it will fill in?). But the one that she got?s on the nose, despite of being smaller is the one I hate more, because is in the middle of her face and is there constantly remind me of this?

It?s also true that they faded a bit, and in some light are almost unseen, but in other type of light they are very noticeable and they look ugly.

During 9 months I?ve applied kelo-cote; recently I started to use Vitamin E oil and rosehip oil, but sometimes I feel it wont make any difference at all at this point?I will continue to do so because for me the hardest thing is to wait without doing nothing?thinking of using phytaoil?

I know that there are laser options available, but the idea of having to wait that she get?s old to considerate them, makes me anxious, because I would like to get rid of those scars now!! Sometimes I try to convince myself that with more time and as her skin grows maybe the scars will go, but I?m not sure of that and some of the messages that I?ve read here make me doubt?

I would like to ask for your help, anyone with a similar experience to shed me some light and bring me some hope, including phonix, hartey 40, among others:

• What have been helping you to cope with this?
• One year has gone since dd have the chicken pox. Will the scars continue to improve with time (fill in, get smaller) or this improvement I get after a year is the best I can expect?
• What exactly do you mean by fade???
• Does phytaoil make any difference in scars this old? Do you think it worth the chance?
• For those whose dd?s had scars on the nose: do you notice any improvement as time goes by?

Please, tell me something because i'm really depressed about all this...

OP and Hartey. You really need to address these feelings. It's not OK to be so upset over CP scars.

This actress has a noticeable scar on the side of her face- just visible in this picture.

I only noticed it several hours into a series she's in.

I guess it all depends where the scar is located...imagine that same scar in the center of her nose and another above the eyebrow, and another one down the eyelash of that same eye: it would be a litle bit different, don't you think?

My son has a port wine stain birth mark(the type of birth mark which is permanent) which covers half his face,the back of his hands, the front of his legs and a hand shaped mark on his back.
I was initially devastated when he was born as I imagined a life of stares and whispered comments but the reality has been totally different.
He has not suffered any teasing or cruel comments(he's 18 now) and although it faded a little with laser treatment he is happy with his face and so am I.
He was my beautiful little boy and is now my handsome son whom I nlove very much.
Please, do get some counselling to help you with these feelings, your initial reaction is normal, it continuing is not.

Wish Part of me doesn't want to reassure you that they will fade, because this really isn't about CP scars, but your feelings about them...

(but they really will fade, you know!) Perhaps ask some adults about their CP scars, most have them but you can't see them they show more when the skin is flawless- like your daughter or the linked actress.

Dear NCIS: I'm so glad to ear that dispite your son's birth marks both of you actualy been able to accept and be happy about the way he looks and didn't let that determiine your life. It must have been very hard for you in the beggining, i guess...I admire your strenght...keep on like this and thanks for sharing...

And Lambethlil, I guess you are right: things have the importance that we give to them and in my case I have to find out why this is so hard on me...

The marks make him who he is, charming and confident and enjoying uni.
It has, I think, made me more relaxed about the other little scars that my other two have, my daughter has one tiny one by her mouth where she cut it with a milk bottle when she was 18 months old and also one on the other side caused by her younger brother(don't ask,a family joke now).
She is an utterly gorgeous blonde and I honestly don't notice the tiny marks unless we're having the family discussion of 'scars we have got'.
I think with you it is not about the scars but about what they represent to you.

If you decide to vaccinate your younger child, do make sure you also give the booster if your dc has not been exposed to CP a few years after the vaccination. Otherwise your dc would not have sufficient protection. Some doctors may also advise regular boosters when your dc is older, e.g. every 10 years or so. So do check with the person who gives the vaccination if you decide to do so.

I will reiterate again I would be less upset if my dd had a couple of scars, but she hasn't, she has 4 down one side of her nose, one large one in the centre of her nose, one in the centre of her cheek, 3 down one side of her face, one large one at the other side of her face, several tiny ones between her eyebrows and about 20 on her forehead.

So please forgive me for been upset, strange that I would be isn't it?? I mean up until 4 years of age she was blemish free now at the age of 5 she has to face the world her friends, school with a different face, so no I do not think it is abnormal to be upset, and no I dont think I am overreacting.

The problem with the CP vaccine is that there has been research showing an increase in shingles in young children who've had the vaccine. Shingles tends to scar worse that CP and can reoccur... so think carefully.

thanks for the tips/reflections about the CP vaccine: i found those very helpful...guess i really need to think with carefull...

and Hartey I really feel your pain and suffering...you are grieving and that hurts...

Hartey40 - I know you don't want anyone's pity, but I am totally heartbroken by what you've written below and will try hard to find the name of the procedure that I googled a while back which at the time seemed like our only option of helping DD1. It is some revolutionary cosmetic procedure which uses one's own cells to grow more skin cells and fill in wrinkles, acme scars, etc. It emerged a few years ago and then dissapeared soon afterwards due to cannot remember what... but essentially it was successful and was predicted to re-emerge very soon. Sorry I can't be more specific, but will try and google it again.

DeWe - it's not the vaccinated children getting shingles but the generation before them (especially old people) who once had cp naturally and now aren't getting enough opportunities to get boosters naturally because of the increasing number of vaccinated children. But this will only be a problem in countries where they routinely vaccinate like the US, not much danger of this happening here in the UK where the cp vaccine is still pretty much unheard of. However, apparently once the unvaccinated generations "dissappear", shingles could be a thing of the past along with CP...

Phonix: thanks for the clarification about CP Vaccine. I really have to talk with my son's pediatrician on this.

It would be great if you could post here the link to that cosmetic procedure that you have mentioned.

Is there anyone else who would like to share your experience on CP scars?

very very upsetting for you, I was upset too when my son got scars after chicken pox. I thought he had been vaccinated but it turned out not. After having had a C-section I was prescribed (I dont live in the UK) a scar cream, which is pretty heavy stuff but have often put some on ds and I think it works. There is a whole range of creams for treating scars, some more "natural" than others. you could investigate scar creams, try experimenting to see if anything works and just the doing something might make you feel better.

Anyone else with experience of CP scars, including on nose?

I had chicken pox badly as a child and had several pitted scars on my face.
They never bothered me. My mum told me what they were when I was old enough to ask but she never made a big deal of them.
I'm in my forties now, if I looked very hard in the mirror I can probably see them but they are nothing compared to how they looked when I was young.

I understand how upset you are, but scars and blemishes are a normal part of life. I have four children and two of them have facial scars, from accidents, which required stitches or gluing. ds2 split his nose into three flaps of skin but he is 16 now and you have to look closely to see it.
My ds3 has a facial deformity that cannot be operated on until he is an adult. I have never heard anyone comment on it. We make a huge deal of helping his confidence and that looks are not the be all and end all of a person.

I agree with others, it is normal to be upset but not to the extent that you seem to be. Try not to pass onto your daughter that this is a big deal to you.

There are good facial creams out there.

Hope in time you feel better about it

I have experience of CP scars on my nose. Your posts have made me very upset and cross. I've tried typing more stuff but keep deleting it. I just hope your counselling helps you.

I have a CP scar in the middle of my nose, my daughter has one on her forehead. They don't seem to get any smaller but you get used to them and stop noticing them after a while.

I think it helps my daughter that I also have a CP scar because she never notices it on me even though it is in a very obvious place.

Hope you will be able to feel better about your daughter's scars as you get more used to them.

Hi Camdancer, would just like to say I'm sorry this thread has upset you and made you cross, I think facial scarring especially on children is a very emotive topic and this can come across in posts, I also think it's easier sometimes to write it all down because generally in day to day life I am just getting on with it.

From my dd's point of view, although she has lots of scars they have faded massively over the past year I don't think I have made this clear in my previous postings, I feel fairly confident that they will continue to become less noticeable over the next few years.

Incidentally the pox is going round dd's school again ( hope dd doesn't get it again!!) and one of the mums asked me if my daughter had had it?? So obviously not that noticeable eh?

So I looked in the mirror really carefully this morning. I have about 15-20 CP scars on my forehead. 4 on my nose (including one that matches my DH's CP scar ). A few on my cheeks including one very large one and a couple on my chin. Enough for me to know something about it? I did have to look carefully partly because my scars have faded but partly because I just don't notice them anymore.

I think people with scars go one of 2 ways. Either they do lots to cover them up and plaster themselves with make-up. There are charities that can help with this so that it looks natural and not too heavy. Or they just give up and leave it. That's what I've done. Wearing make-up would be very time consuming and also make my skin look worse than it already does without the make-up.

Then there is also the plastic surgery route. I think that has changed a lot since I was younger and looking at it. I had it described as basically sandpapering all over my face and that my face would be red and sore for a long time while it healed. That sounded worse than the scars. I think things are different now.

And finally, while I was bullied a huge amount during my childhood, my scars were very rarely mentioned. Just remember what Mater says in Cars2 - my dents make me who I am.

Thanks Camdancer for your honest reply, I for one really appreciated it and it gave me hope for my daughter. It's sounds from what I am reading that you have a healthy attitude towards your scars, I guess like you say you just don't notice them anymore.

I'm sorry to read you were bullied thankfully not about scars but must of been distressing for you.

My daughter has had some 'teasing' over the scar on her nose from school children, I have spoken to the school but played it down in front of my daughter, but fear if I dismiss it totally she may stop telling me....

X

I wasn't going to post on this thread, but somehow I always find myself drawn to CP threads as we had such a terrible time with it, (which I have bored other posters on this thread with previously), but I would like to try and offer a bit of hope and acceptance about the situation. My DD got chicken pox 2 yrs ago when she had just turned 5. The spots became infected with staphyloccus aurius and she was hideously ill, in hospital for over a week on intravenous antibiotics and then on oral antibiotics for almost another month. The infection literally ate away her flesh at the worst spots (legs and torso) leaving gaping wounds, she couldn't walk as the infection passed into her muscles and leg bone (osteomyelitis) and she lost so much weight she was skeletal. It took her months to recover. I'm telling you this because bizarrely i think that the extent of her illness makes me much more accepting of the final outcome. The fact that at one point we were scared we might lose her has left me much more accepting of having her with me but scarred. The fact that the scars on her legs and torso are so awful (deep ridged pits, the worst is nearly 2cm across) makes me much more accepting of (and even thankful for) the lesser scars on her face.

I am aware that my situation probably doesn't help you to feel any better about yours, it is horrible to think of your unblemished child before and then realise the extent of the damage after, but perhaps as others have said without diminishing the pain that you are going through it is important to work hard to overcome that pain (with professional help / counseling if necessary), let it go, find acceptance and move on.

Although thankfully no where near as bad as the scars on her body, DD's facial scars, where certain spots were badly infected, are worse than I have seen on any other child (including my other two who each have a couple of minor CP scars on their faces). She has about 10 facial scars. One at the corner of her top lip makes her mouth slightly askew. Various others on forehead, cheeks, next to her eye and just under the arch of her eyebrow. However, the improvement from soon after she had the pox, or even since a year ago, has been astonishing. Yes they are still pitted, yes you can see them if you look but no, I don't notice them everyday any more, they have faded into the background, lost among the freckles on her super expressive, pretty laughing face.

It takes a very long time for scars to improve, as I said DD's are so much better after 2 years than they were after one year. I believe that they will continue to improve hugely as she grows. I also think that these things are much much more noticeable on the baby face of a younger child than they are on an older child (I'm not sure why that is). Please have hope. They scars will improve, her looks are not marred for life, there is so much else that matters so much more, so please try and put this behind you both. I wish you the very best.

OP I'd like to add to the others saying that you need to get some more counselling for this. It is ok to be upset about the scars, of course because she is your little girl, but you seem to be disproportionally upset about them.
What worries me is that your DD will be picking up on how you feel about her scars. If you feel this strongly about them, crying daily about it, I don't know how she could be unaware, particularly as she gets older.

My DD suffered very badly with CP, I won't go into the details, it still upsets me to think about how ill she was and what could have happened.

She has been left with many very bad CP scars. Her face, if I'm honest, looks like it is covered in cigarette burns

But, as she grows up she needs me to never, ever doubt how beautiful she is. She has to know that mummy never, not even for a minute, thought those scars made her less beautiful. If she can't count on her mummy for that then who can she?

You need to get over this for your DDs sake.

Hi there

It has been such a very emotional week for me: I've been feeling bad lately with all sorts of emotions coming... and, yes, I really hope and wish to feel better about this: I?m certainly not there yet: need to try harder...

I?ve been following your posts...

Thanks to everyone that came here lately to share their experience...it's being a very thoughtful and emotional journey (as Hartey said facial scarring is quite emotional and can be disturbing too...), incredibly helpful and supportive as well ...it?s good know how others with similar experiences deal with anxieties and anguishes related to those experiences... it helps to find new ways to cope with disturbed times...

Maddie, thanks for sharing...with 4 children you really have to be strong with so many things going on...

Camdancer, thank you for sharing, despite the upsetting at first: it seems that you have learned to accept the scars you have in a positive way, don?t let it control your life or who you are. That?s a good message.

Hartey: it's so good to see you more confident and hopeful regarding the improvement of your dd's scars...

Nelly: what a nice surprise to see you here! I?ve read your previous posts elsewhere and I must agree that you are an inspiration... thank you so much, really, for posting here... I got emotional with your words and thank god your dd and you managed to survive to all that suffering, uncertainty and horrible pain. And it helps to ear that your dd?s scars improved and continue to improve after a year...the scars of my dd also improved, but the one that she?s got on the nose it?s been more resistant to improvement, which makes me sad (I guess that?s because the skin on the nose is different. ). Anyway, what you say gives me hope for the future and strength to follow your advice: ?it is important to work hard to overcome that pain... let it go, find acceptance and move on? (so true).

ChickenPoxyRoxy: Your post has touched me...these experiences are dreadful for a mother?s heart...and you are so right: I have to think in my dd?s sake and well being, be there for her, give her confidence, help her develop a strong personality and self-esteem because she?s so young and I?m her mother and that?s what mothers should do. Obviously, being focus on my pain, guilt, on the past is not helping her, me or our relationship. I?m aware that if I I?m enable to stop being so emotional about this, she, as you say, will notice. I have to learn to forgive, accept, be strong and see things differently, to move on (this has been the hardest part for me...)...

Thanks for helping me in this process...

Just one more thing Nelly: you are using or used some oil or cream on the scars? Can you tell me how has been you experience on this, please?