Is this physical or pyschological (tonsils & eating)...at wits end.

[bootus]

I'll try to keep this brief but with background; 3.5 yo DS has never been great eater but recently we have hit a new low and are really worried about his weight and general well-being. Since Dec he has had one bout of tonsilitis/virus after another. I can literally say he has probably had 3 really well weeks in all this time. In jan the doctor pointed out how huge his tonsils were (nearly meeting in the middle), we have kept an eye on them and they have stayed that way ever since. In a subsequent appt with the practise nurse she said that he may just be one of those toddlers with 'large' tonsils. However since the initial bout in Dec he has barely eaten a thing, he had no weight to lose in the first place and is now underweight. He WILL eat a small bowl of cereal (such as honey puffed rice which is mushy) and a few snacky things at lunch but by dinner he can literally sit at the table for an hour and still have only eaten a quarter of his plate. He will hold food in his mouth for an age and almost has to psych himself up to swallow, it has now become a battle of wills between us and him. My DP thinks we should just put him at the table and leave him; if he doesnt eat so be it, throw it but not give him anything else.While I think there is some sense in this I am SO worried about his weight I wind up chivvying him along and spoonfeeding him (possibly making the whole you 'must' eat thing worse). So is this an 'issue' with food or is the huge tonsils causing problems and making food an unenjoyable thing? I have asked to be referred to paed/ENT but it seems we are not at that point yet. He just looks so pale and tired and skinny its really upsetting me (as an aside he is a BIG snorer too which I am aware can indicate enlarged tonsils/adenoids and he has had blood tests all of which were ok).Thanks.

My 2 eldest have had tonsil problems and both had issues with eating, holding food in their mouths and only eating certain types of food. I wouldn't push the feeding- if there is a physical problem then you don't want to add a psychological layer as well. If it is psychological then you hovering over him will not help- you'll need specialist advice. Easier said than done when you are worried about their weight though.

I can only talk about the tonsil side of things but if you are concerned then don't be afraid to push for an ENT referral ( I just said to the GP that I appreciated that he felt it was too early but I wanted to talk to the specialist) With DD I was told that it was too early to refer but I insisted due to the problems I had with DS1, the fact that her snore could be heard 3 rooms away and I was not prepared to wait a year with her being permanently ill with tonsil and adenoid problems. The consultant said that she did have problems and he was happy to take both tonsils and adenoids out without waiting a year. The snoring and sleep apnoea was key in this decision. DS1 was pale, sickly, underweight. When his tonsils were taken out he grew several inches in the month afterwards and started eating properly.

I had tonsil problems as a child and remember it being very painful to swallow and being so impressed when I had them out and could swallow things like pasta.

Hope you get it sorted. It can be tricky as tonsilectomies are not seen as something that should be necessary nowadays, particularly with young children (mine were both around 3ish) but for my children it has made a MASSIVE difference to their health (and my sanity as we are not constantly battling infections.)

Hi
Your DS sounds exactly like my DS2 was at that age ( he is now 9). He never suffered from tonsillitis etc but they were MASSIVE and he was an appalling eater, held food in his mouth etc. He was so slow to put on weight that I took him to the doctor and to cut a long story short, he had them removed aged 4 and never looked back. It made a massive difference to his eating and sleeping.

Funnily enough (actually it's not) DS3 also has massive tonsils. He is now 3 and his eating is terrible, he is eats so little, and chokes a lot which makes me hover around him more than I probably would need to if there wasn't this problem.
We had an ENT appointment yesterday for him (on another thread) for a hearing test, but I also asked the consultant to look at his tonsils.
I was a bit disappointed when, despite the history, she said she wasn't keen on taking them out but after some pressing from me, agreed to review it in 6 months time.
Thankfully, because I've gone through it already, I have learrnt to relax a bit about the amount of food he eats. It isn't a lot, but he does seem happy and energetic.

You could be describing my dd at a similar age. Bout after bout of tonsilitis, chesty coughs, ear infections. Her tonsils and adenoids were huge and she had them out after getting scarletina (sp?). Before she had tonsils and adenoids removed I couldnt get her to eat more than the odd mouthful of anything. Not even sweets or chocolate. Nothing seemed to tempt her to eat. I used to feed her because I was so panicked about her weedy little body, lack of energy, rings under her eyes, poor sleep etc. After her op I wouldnt say she turned into the best eater in the world but there was a huge improvement in her appetite, sleep (I could hear her snoring from downstairs!), behaviour and energy levels.

My childhood was blighted by constant tonsilitis, masses of missed school and I didnt want dd to suffer like I did. If they get it infrequently that's one thing but if there are lots of infections and it's impacting on other areas of their life, Id want it reviewing definitely.

Personally, bootus, I would push again for ENT referral. dd2 was exactly the same (sleep apnoea, snoring, choking on food, only eating mushy/liquid stuff and losing weight) at the age of 23 months - we ended up, in despair, recording her asleep on dh's phone and booking a one-off private ENT appointment. We showed the consultant the film clip of dd gasping for breath, and he could hear it anyway - she was still asleep when we arrived, perfect timing.

He took her tonsils out, on the NHS, a few weeks later - plus her adenoids. Now we did in a way have an 'advantage' in that she was already under the NHS ENT lot for laryngomalacia (floppy larynx) which was diagnosed when she was 4 weeks old. But they still hadn't been able to find us an appointment for at least 3 months, and it felt too urgent, and I was too desperate. Hence booking the private one.

In any case, she has been a changed child since. It makes me and to hear of people being refused ENT referrals when they are so clearly needed: an ENT person is qualified to say you're ds is 'not at that point yet' but a GP is, IMO, not.

Many thanks to those who have replied. What you have all experienced and been kind enough to share rings enough bells that I am going to push for a referral. If I don't get one then somehow I will pay for a private one. Once again thank you.