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Children's health

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Original poster

"Angry" 4 month old

23 replies

AnnieDelores · 13/12/2011 21:37

My little boy has always had a very short fuse and I'm now getting to the point where it is upsetting me and I'm exhausted. He suffered from bad colic and even now, gets into a rage very easily. Most of the time it's because he wants new and constant stimulation or to be held and carried around all the time.

He often shouts and cries in his pushchair because he dislikes feeling confined. He screams when I'm getting him dressed, even if I sit him up and try to make it a game.

The major problem is that I don't get any warning. He goes from 0 to 60 in seconds and then gets himself in a real tizz.

He LOVES the baby bjorn and is always happy when I'm out walking with him, but the pushchair is hit and miss depending on his mood! I'm shattered from walking around all day as mobiles and toys and his playmat just dont cut it. He even hates the Bumbo!

Should I leave him to cry for longer before respondng to his demands? Any ideas how I can get through the day without getting even more exhausted than I already am?

At night he wakes up, not wanting food, but is frantic and shouty. He is teething at the moment but even giving him calpol upsets him!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

NotJustForClassic · 13/12/2011 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

AnnieDelores · 13/12/2011 21:47

Don't think he has reflux as he feeds well and burps beautifully. When he is happy, he is adorable and funny and chatty. But when he's grumpy, he's horrible!

OP posts:

cheekyginger · 13/12/2011 21:59

How is he with other people? Have you left him with your DH/DP for short periods?

I am on the other side of the fence from Notjustforclassic. I would leave him to cry for gradually longer spells. Within reason crying will not do a baby any harm. As long as you know he's fed, clean and warm then it's really not going to do him any har. He needs to know he is safe even if not in direct contact with you. Do you really want to be carrying a 10mo around all day?

NotJustForClassic · 13/12/2011 22:07

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertieBotts · 13/12/2011 22:10

I remember DS having a phase at about 4 months where he just wanted to be held, and not sitting down, you had to stand up with him.

I agree with the suggestion to get a better baby carrier. They don't have to e expensive, just make sure it's a proper supportive sling (for you and him) rather than one of these mass produced ones.

NotJustForClassic · 13/12/2011 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cheekyginger · 13/12/2011 22:13

Still stand by what i said. Everybody is different....

You have to do what you are comfortable with (and your poor back). I have a very happy almost 8mo who was left to cry on occasion, but if you are not happy to do this AnnieDelores then simply dont!

QuintessentiallyFestive · 13/12/2011 22:15

If he is 4 months old, and hates the bumbo and the pushchair, does he maybe prefer having his back more straight?

JennyPiccolo · 13/12/2011 22:18

Can he sit up on his own? My DD went through a fussy grumpy phase just before she mastered a new thing e.g. sitting up, crawling, walking. Think it's just frustration at not being able to see things/move towards things that interest them. Can you sit him upright in his pram?

cheekyginger · 13/12/2011 22:19

Just to add....Boots sell a medicine dummy. It's a dummy that you can put the calpol in then the baby can suck it out. Never tried it myself, just came across it in boots one day and it's stuck in my head!

thisisyesterday · 13/12/2011 22:20

my saviour with ds2 who was a lot like that was a really decent sling.,
i had a moby when he was little, and a woven wrap for when he was bigger, and a mei tai

could happily sling him on my back in the woven wrap for a few hours while I did dinner and stuff, and he'd just sleep or coo over my shoulder.

did i get tired carrying the whole time? yeah a bit. sometimes i loved it, sometimes i jsut wanted to put him down for 5 minutes without him crying. but looking back on it now I think it was just such a short time in the grand scheme of things and I'm glad I did that rather than leaving him to cry

Birdsnotbees · 13/12/2011 22:29

I know it's really really hard, but try not to label your DS as 'angry' or 'difficult' or whatever. Some babies are just hard work. They cry a lot, they need a lot of attention, they don't like the pushchair, they want to be held all the time.

I speak as a mother who has had two babies like this. My DD is 9mo and she was really, really hard work for the first 6-7 months. She refused to go in her pushchair at all until 7 months (she now loves it thank god).

After a lot of tears from both her and me I realised that:

Leaving her to cry made things worse not better (sorry ginger I think a baby who cries a lot needs more not less attention)
That she was overtired a lot, so we tackled her sleep problems with the help of my DP and a good routine
That she was very, very sociable - she hated the pushchair as it was forward facing and she freaked out when she couldn't see me. We tried a rear-facing one and it made a very big and immediate difference.
Like thisisyesterday I accepted I'd have to carry her about a lot (I hate slings) and she did grow out of it and will now sit and play, or go in her pushchair, quite happily.

Every baby is different. The 'perfect' happy, cooing, sleeping baby doesn't exist. Your DS is just trying to tell you something and it may drive you round the twist but it's not his fault. It's not yours either.

And it won't last forever. My DD still reduces me to tears on occasion but she is generally a happy, laughing, amazing little girl now - I actually can't believe the difference.

You have my sympathy. Hang on in there.

Albrecht · 13/12/2011 22:36

Ds was like this at that age. It seemed to me it was all getting harder not easier. But when he could sit and play with toys, then when he could crawl, then walk - he got happier and happier.

I handled it by trying to minimise the crying by using sling not pushchair, holding him, distracting him etc. Of course you can never say he would have turned out differently if I let him cry but I feel I did my best for him at that age, tried my hardest, whereas I wouldn't have felt that if I had deliberately let him cry. You must do what you will feel ok about as there is enough guilt about being a parent.

Lots of babies have a sleep regression around 4 months, its to do with their development and doesn't last forever. Get someone to take him for a while so you can get a break and re-charge your batteries.

Jojay · 13/12/2011 23:12

My DS2 was like Albrecht's - miserable as sin until he could sit up, when he trannsformed in to a happy baby. As he progressed to crawling and walking he got better and better and was the easiest toddler you could wish for.

I'm not a fan of leaving them to cry so he was in a sling a lot to begin with, but once he could sit up and do a bit more for himself he was away.

Like so many things, it's probably a phase. You don't have to try and 'fix' it, just find a way to make it bearable until it's over. For me, a sling did the trick.

leftmymistletoeatthedoor · 13/12/2011 23:17

He isn't angry so much as frustrated I would imagine and also, well, a baby.

Please don't leave him to cry. I don't mean don't go to the loo or have a drink etc, those are necessities but I mean please don't do any form of controlled crying. I think its hideous at the best of times but at 4 months he's still so, so tiny and doesn't have the cognitive ability to process it.

I don't have any real advice other than to say this too will pass. Also, maybe try easing up on the stimulation.

Good luck.

Dalrymps · 13/12/2011 23:28

I agree with all the sling suggestions. A woven wrap or mei tai (sp?) are really comfortable and a lot better for your back.

Are you sure he doesn't have silent reflux? I just ask as my ds2 had this. He cried suddenly a lot and arched his back and seemed angry but fed well as was never sick. Probably not but thought it was worth mentioning.

I also found he was happier when I tried to roughly stick to the baby whisperer 'easy'
Routine. I'm not one for strict routines at all but this sometimes helped me work out what it was he wanted. Sometimes they get over tired and need help to drop off and get angry. Sometimes it can be over stimulation.

I wouldn't leave him to cry, he's so so young.

It will get better

hanbee · 14/12/2011 21:39

Sounds exactly like my DS2 (now 14 months). I carried him a lot in a sling and it helped enormously until he was able to sit and do more without me. He crawled early, walked at 10 months and just loves to be in the middle of everything. He's high need, stroppy when he can't get his own way, and like a little tank but he is such good fun. Your still in the really hard bit, give it a few months and the things that drive you crazy now will, well still sometimes drive you crazy, but also make him an amazing personality you wait and see!

Original poster

AnnieDelores · 14/12/2011 21:42

I agree that he may be frustrated. He is trying to sit at the moment....stand even! He loves stamping his feet when I hold him up. Here's hoping he will be happier when he reaches these milestones. He is very, very sociable too like your little one Birdsnotbees. Loves face to face contact and chats away. I know I can't complain really because these are all positive things.......just need a rest......especially when its pouring outside and all he wants to do is be carried around ouside on "Autum Watch"! Took him to an indoor shopping centre today with lots of twinkly lights and he loved it. Wasn't aloowed to sit down in Costa coffee though! :-(

OP posts:

cheekyginger · 14/12/2011 21:53

Do you have a mirror you can pop in front of him.

I bought one off of amazon for babies to go on their cot or on the floor as my LO loves looking in the mirror. He giggles and "chats" away at himself.

Do you have any baby classes near you? Libraries in Scotland have a free rhyme time once a month. Keeps even small babies entertained!

Original poster

AnnieDelores · 14/12/2011 22:01

Yep, Will try the mirror thing again but he wasn't that impressed before. The baby classes near me start at 2pm annoyingly which is when he has his long nap! Will search for some more music with mummy type things though as I'm sure he'll love that.

OP posts:

HappyCamel · 14/12/2011 22:07

Try a Jumperoo, DD loves hers. It gives her freedom of movement and toys to play with. He needs to be supporting his head fully to use I and max 20 mins at a time. She also loved her Galt play nest as it stopped her being flat on her back and helped her reach her toys.

hanbee · 15/12/2011 10:22

I second a jumperoo only thing ever that either of my sons would be happy in whilst I cooked dinner or had a shower.

LuckyC · 15/12/2011 14:53

Can I start by saying I had a very very clingy, screamy baby, and I can really sympathise with how hard it is?

I agree with suggestions to get him/you out the house at least once a day and to do lots and lots and lots of cuddling and holding. He is still tiny. It's his instinct to be close to you and to be held a lot - if he's put down, he could be eaten by a tiger for all he knows.

I saw my role with my screamy clingster to be very supportive; thought that the best thing to do would be to give her the reassurance of lots of mummy, a solid base to let her build her confidence in the world in her own time. It worked very very very well - but it was demanding on me at the time.

What also REALLY helped at about 4 months was that she and I started to work out the sleeps she needed in the day. She needed at least 3 sleeps, sometimes 4, with the first one at about 9am (after she woke up at 7.) Have you got a sleep pattern worked out yet?

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