Anyone with experience on explaining illness to children?

[Roseland]

My DS has recently had a stroke and is well on the road to recovery now. He is only a toddler at the moment so was unaware of what was happening to him at the time.

My question is has anyone any experience of explaining to children that they have been poorly? I am really worrying about the best age to raise this with him and how we do it without scaring him.

Any advice would be gratefully received.

no advice but wanted to bump for you...hopefully someone will be along to give you some support. Hope your DS is making a good recovery - must have been very scary for you all....

That sounds scary, I'm glad he's on the road to recovery now!

IME, the subject tends to come up naturally - dd2 had a floppy larynx and was very ill as a baby, then had larynx, tonsil and adenoid surgery aged just 2. She doens't remember any of it, but does love stories about when she was a baby, and asks questions - I just make sure I include little age appropriate snippets of truth. Illness is just a part of life, and has been a very small part (to her) of hers, and I just make it matter of fact. Kids manage facts very well.

The main challenge, for me, was being able to separate out my own feelings and memories before talking to her about any of it - I was very scared at the time, and I didn't want that to impact on her. I did lots and lots of talking about it, not all the time but when it came up, for at least a year after she nearly died - and it got easier.

Does your ds need to know specific things, in order to make sense of medication/limitations etc now? Honestly, just keep it truthful and matter of fact, and age appropriate language - he'll be fine. If you've been supported/are supported around his illness, he's very unlikely to be scared - at his age, he mostly needs to know his parents are ok and there for him

Hope his recovery is fast and happy.

My dd has ongoing health issues. I don't remember ever actually sitting down and giving her an explanation as such. The hospital appointments/meds/limitations just were and we would just say we're going to the hospital today so the doctor can look at your heart/leg whatever was up for discussion that day. The talk was more around - this is the way you are and you're a bit different/don't work the same way as other children so this is what we have to do. Young children are very accepting.

In our case dd was always like this so she didn't have the experience of being able to do something and then not IYSWIM so I can see it's a little different for you. I would just say to ds that you haven't been very well and you are getting better now but the doctors have to keep an eye on you to help you get better as quickly as possible. If he has questions then answer them as truthfully as possible but in a simple way. There will be plenty of time to expand on that in the future.

It must have been horrible for you - have they discovered why he had a stroke?

Thank you so much for your replies. I think your advice has really helped me relax a bit about explaining. Rather than have a "big talk" we can just explain bits as we go along. He won't need to manage his own recovery as such, just be a willing participant in follow up scans, physio and check ups.

I think you've hit the nail on the head Elibean when you talk about separating our own thoughts and feelings. I guess it was just so scary for us and I don't want that to come across to him. Keeping to the facts will be a good way of doing that as actually, as scary as it was at the time, he is making a good recovery and has been doing better than expected.

They do know what happened (as in the type of stroke) but don't know why it happened. Apparently sometimes things like this just happen. He is on medication and will be monitored so fingers crossed this will just be a blip and it won't happen again.

Thanks again for your responses - I really appreciate you sharing your stories too.

It must have been terrifying, especially out of the blue like that. I know for myself, I started to shake whenever I talked about the moment I walked into a hospital ward and saw 10 doctors round dd's bed with long faces. It took a while for that to stop, over a year maybe. The good thing is, the more you can acknowledge your own feelings, the less chance of your ds picking up on them

He sounds as though he's doing brilliantly - and the ongoing monitoring must be reassuring.

Yes - I agree with Elibean about acknowledging your own feelings. I wrote down alot about my dd's diagnosis and surgeries and how I felt at the time. It really helped although 17 years on I can still get a bit teary about it. Be kind to yourself too.

Good to hear he's doing well. Must have been a terrible shock for you.