The Naked Game

[ScoobydooLou]

I am a new member and have never posted before, generally because I have always been able to find help and advise from previous posts, but with this I didnt even know what to search for! A while ago my sister told me that my son had been looking at my niece private area (they are both 4yo - my son is 6 months older) and that she had asked him to stop it. My sister spoke to him about it and said that its not nice to do that and to stop doing, seemed to work and never has he done anything like that before.

My neighbour chapped the door last night to say that she had gone into her garden to find her son and my son both with their tops off and their trousers and pants down. When she challenged them on this, my son said they are playing the "naked game" that he plays all the time with his cousin. I was mortified as you can imagine and apologised and told her i would find out what this is.

When i spoke to my son about this he said that it was him had made the game up and what it is they take off their clothes and lie on top of each other? I asked him where he got this from (had he seen it somewhere or god forbid something else, I am a single parent so he doesnt see it in my house) and he said his brain?

Is this normal? Ive asked him not to play it again as its not a nice game to play, i asked him how he felt and he said cold (bless!) but that his "man" (thats our name for his penis, was sticking out the way??

He then this morning caught him wiggling his man whilst he was laying on top of his bed face down, I asked him what he was doing and he said wiggling his man (cos I am paranoid about it, I checked to see if his "man" was erect).

I am so worried about this, dont know what to do or where to turn to for advice and help? Do I visit the doctor? Is this normal? Please help I am very distressed about this

Sorry for the long spiel.

It sounds normal to me (although I have no experience with children this age)

It sounds like he's curious about bodies, but perhaps now is the time to have a chat with him about where is appropriate to take his clothes off (eg at home, in private) and where isn't (eg in his friend's garden), and about 'private' parts.

Can I ask though (as it's confused me a little) why did you look to see if his penis was erect? I don't for one minute think anything untoward (before someone comes on and says I am accusing you of something) but I don't understand what difference it would have made either way? Children learn very early on that touching themselves feels nice (often when they're still in nappies), so as long as he's only doing it in private then I think it's fine to let him - otherwise he might think that touching himself is dirty or wrong, when it's a perfectly normal thing to do :)

I dont know why I looked, I was worried that this isnt normal and that it maybe a bit weird (sorry that is my son and I feel so bad about saying something like that) that he would be doing this, and I was trying to understand what is going through his head. I am so under prepared for stuff like this that I didnt think I would even have to talk about this until he was like 10/11 how naive I suppose on my part, but I am learning too. It scared me. Thank you for your message though it has made me feel much better, I have checked out some websites as well that tells you all about "sex play" in children and how its naturual for them to explore, and at what age they will do things. I didnt think it would be this young though. I have spoken to him last night about good touch and bad touch, as you quite rightly say the last thing I want is for him to think its dirty, or wrong but when its appropriate to do stuff. And that being naked in public is not appropriate and that you can do stuff in our house in private. I dont even know if Im doing this right, but he did seem to understand a wee bit better and he knows that you dont play the naked game outside now. I am still a bit worried about him going out to play with his friends as Im scared he will do this again. The other mother who knocked on my door looked shocked and upset by it. I dont want my child being talked about in the street or anything like that so I am scared. Do you think Im being ridiculous? I dont actually know what to do? Thanks for replying I appreciate it alot.

Try not to get too stressed about it, its probably just curiousity. Do you have a good health visitor you could chat to/who could reassure you. Would also talk to your friends with young children about it, am sure theirs have done similar.

He'll probably get bored of the fascination with his 'man' soon enough, just a 'phase'. Don't worry about neighbours 'shock', if she has talked to anyone else with children they will know there's nothing 'weird' about it.

I think it's perfectly normal behaviour; he's found out that his 'man' can feel nice...it's normal. It's also normal to look at other childrens privates, it's curiosity ~ you show me yours and I'll show you mine.

I might be slightly embarrassed, but I doubt I'd be concerned about it at this stage.