Glandular Fever

[frantic51]

DD2 (16) has had a sore throat and a raised temperature for over three weeks now. First week, temperature over 40 degrees but not so bad now. Very tired and lethargic. Has had two courses of antibiotics as GP thought it was tonsillitis at first. Each course seemed to ease the symptoms a bit but symptoms got worse again after each course. At the second appointment GP said if the antibiotics didn't work this time she should go to be tested for glandular fever.

Trouble is, she is now at her dad's and he has arranged various activities, including a whole day traipsing around London tomorrow and then going to visit some of his relatives overnight. Just spoken to her and DS (also there) and she says she feels really ill but DS says "dad says she hasn't got Glandular Fever and you're just being melodramatic" (Ex H refuses to take her to his local GP for test)

Feeling really worried as she is up to her eyes in revision for GCSEs which start next month. Will someone please put my mind at rest and tell me not to worry?

If she has got Glandular fever I very much doubt she will cope with the full schedule her dad has planned for her. I had it and barely had the energy to get out of bed some days.

You need to get her tested ASAP and if she has got it make sure you get a doctors note to be sent to the exam board as they will give special dispensation for her exams.

Possibly not what you wanted to hear, but I would certainly try to get her dad to understand that she is ill (whether it is GF or not) and that he needs to take things a bit slower.

i would speak to him and ask that he get her seen by GP first thing tomorrow and if he refuses, you will collect her and do it yourself.

The problem is that she seems a bit perkier some days than others. Is this normal? Yesterday, said she wasn't feeling too bad, having had almost a full day in bed the day before, and Ex-H took them to a local reservoir, originally to do some cycling but in the end, in fairness, he hired a bike for DS and just took a leisurely walk with DD.

Trouble is, just doing that has knocked her up and she's been in bed or lying on the sofa all day today and not got much revision done. I'm worried that a whole day in London, (Ex-H says he HAS to take them as he has some business to do there ) will just exhaust her again and then a car journey to EX BIL's (who has three young DC) and overnight in a strange bed, then another long journey up north on Friday!

I think it's all too much really. Trouble is Ex-H doesn't see much of them as he's always working, much of the time abroad (he couldn't even clear this week for them ) and I'm being accused of being melodramatic just to "spoil" the week!

blinks I'd love to do that but he's three hours away and I'm just too bad myself atm to do 6 hours driving in one day. Besides, he will be leaving for London at 8am tomorrow apparently.

We're only just recently divorced and I don't want to seem to be being difficult over access, which I'm not. I just wish he'd let them stay at the flat while he goes to his meeting and postpone the visit to his BIL until a later date.
It's what I would do in a similar situation. I mean, I know he wants to see his DB and take the children, but the children's health should come first, shouldn't it?

can he not get someone to look after her so she can stay at his house while he does his business? and they can take her to the GP too... any relatives or friends near him?

sorry xpost, yes i agree her health should come first and i think you need to say exactly what you just wrote- 'i am not trying to be difficult, this has nothing to do with custodial arrangements, it has everything to do with getting prompt medical attention for DD'.

be honest and firm with him.

She could stay on her own I'm sure, she is 16 after all and she's not desperately ill, just desperately tired. Her brother (17) could stay with her.
Sadly, nothing is ever allowed to get in the way of what Ex-H wants to do. He's very controlling. I've tried again but he just keeps saying "she hasn't got glandular fever, stop being so melodramatic". DD will do anything not to upset her father, she doesn't see much of him and she needs to improve her relationship with him for her own sake as much as anything. She has said to me "I'll be alright mum, DB will look after me" but earlier today, on the phone, she was almost crying from tiredness, and even DS has said, "she seems really exhausted". Takes something for a boy of that age to notice.

he sounds like an utter fud. i'd be well pissed off and considering going down to get her.

i hope things are getting resolved somehow. my DD has just had GF - she is only four but i understand they get it much worse when they are older and the idea of DD doing ANYTHING during the acute phase is unthinkable - she slept all day and cried all night for a week or two...she is still, two months on, very tired after she has been active. i would really really do whatever you can do to get her tested - go get her or send someone for her if that's the only way. she does sound like she has GF and if so, anything strenuous can be dangerous and she really needs rest more than anythin. HF sounds like a selfish and irresponsible parent so you have to take charge on this one. good luck - sorry you are being put through all this as if having an ill child is not enough.

Thanks allag. I tried again last night and we ended up having quite an argument on FB chat. He stuck to his guns,so wouldn't have been any point in my going down there, it would have only caused unpleasantness all around and, as I said, it is the first time DD has spent any real length of time with him since he left last June. He just said that, in his opinion, she didn't have GF and if I wanted to get her tested when she gets back here next week, then that was up to me. I was being melodramatic apparently and just trying to "control" the situation. When DS came on and started on me as well in just the same vein, I backed off.

The kids are still reeling a bit from their dad leaving and they do need to spend time with him without fighting. I know there's no treatment as such except rest and time, so just texted her to take it as easy as possible, last night and then again today to ask how she is feeling today. She hasn't replied. Don't know why, unless he has drawn her into our argument too.

They are back tomorrow night so I'll just have to pick up and pieces and take her to the docs on Monday, :(

very difficult situation for you. i think further dialogue with him needs to happen, once the kids are back with you... as hard as it is, you need to stay very unemotional about it all and hold your ground. obviously if he's going to be a fud, then he's going to be a fud but that doesn't mean you need to be dragged into an argument. you CAN remain detached. easier said than done mind...

when the kids get back, do the same thing with them, don't try to justify yourself, just reassure them that you understand it must be difficult for them and their physical health comes first. don't get bogged down with his pettiness.

Oh, I fully intend to blinks! I'm that he dragged DS into the argument. The whole reason for me tackling him on FB chat rather than on the 'phone was so that DS and DD needn't know it was going on! (smallish flat) Honestly, the kids have had enough over the past few years, they miss their dad terribly and the only saving grace of this new situation for them is (or should be) that they don't have to be witness to arguments and unpleasantness any more!

He actually suggested, at one point, that he ask DD if she would rather come back to me early FFS! He said she hadn't complained about the routine and when I said, "of course not, she's desperate to spend time with you, she's going to agree to anything you want to do and not complain for fear of upsetting you" he just brushed it off! At one point he said, and I quote, "I don't pretend to know what the situation of DD's health is" To which my reply was, "SHE'S YOUR DAUGHTER, YOU SHOULD KNOW, and if you don't, YOU SHOULD MAKE IT YOUR BUSINESS TO KNOW!"

Oh frantic51 how awful for you and your daughter especially if she has GF.

I had it when I was about 14 for about 3 months and then it came back for a short time aswell. I literally spent the whole time on a couch or in bed sleeping. My mum was beside herself with worry because I was a very active child. There is nothing you can do but rest. Good luck and hope you get to the bottom of it. BTW your ex sounds a pig.