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Children's health

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Original poster

8 yr old v upset at still wetting bed

24 replies

Menagerie · 26/02/2011 21:31

I feel so sad for my DS. He has never been dry at night properly and still wets the bed between 2 and 5 times a week. We've never made a fuss about it and it's a physical not an emotional problem.

Until recently he was fine about it and went for sleep-overs with his friends, but recently it's really upset him. Whenever he accepts a sleep-over he comes home early complaining of feeling sick or having a headache. Turns out it's anxiety.

It happened again tonight, as his best friend's birthday sleep-over and he was in tears, desperately wanting to be with his friend on his birthday but unable to face the embarrassment (even though we've done all the usual things, like hidden his night pants in the sleeping bag, given him a baggy T-shirt etc. Only one other boy is staying over and I know from his mum that he has same problem (or did until last year - don't know her well so haven't asked.)

Soon he's going on a 4-night farm stay with the school and he's been dreading it for weeks. I've talked to his teacher and the school is being helpful - putting him in a dorm with friends, following our usual night routine, but he's still so anxious. I know he'll love the farm stay if he can only get over this fear.

Any advice from mums who have similar experiences would be really welcome. It was so upsetting to see him in tears tonight. We've tried desmomelt and it just doesn't seem to work for him. Is there anything else?

OP posts:

BilboBloggins · 26/02/2011 22:13

My DS is 9 and up until 4 weeks ago, never had a dry night, ever. He had desmopressin on double dosage to no effect.
4 weeks ago we tried an alarm. After a few nights of changing the bed 3 or 4 times a night, he has cracked it. We have now had 3 whole weeks of dry beds and he doesn't use the alarm anymore. It was a drynights one, about £10 on eBay.

It could be worth a try. I never tried one in the past as he is such a deep sleeper I just didn't think it would work. Might be worth a try?

belledechocchipcookie · 26/02/2011 22:15

Your school nurse will have a lot of experience with this and will be able to help you and your son. You can ask for her to contact you at the school reception, you don't need to say what it's about.

Original poster

Menagerie · 27/02/2011 11:26

Thanks Belle, but we don't have a school nurse (despite being a primary of over 400 children.)

Bilbo - thanks - that's worth a try. I'd heard so many people say alarms don't work that we hadn't tried one. Now we will. Off to Boots.

OP posts:

Original poster

Menagerie · 27/02/2011 12:06

Thanks Belle, but we don't have a school nurse (despite being a primary of over 400 children.)

Bilbo - thanks - that's worth a try. I'd heard so many people say alarms don't work that we hadn't tried one. Now we will. Off to Boots.

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Blackduck · 27/02/2011 12:17

Your GP should be able to refer you to a clinic. Ds is finally dry (he's seven). I was reluctant to use the alarm (didn't want to replace one problem - the bedwetting, with another - broken sleep), but it worked a treat!! We had two 'accidents' (mainly due to excitement and being overtired), but we cracked it in a matter of weeks and haven't looked back. a rought rule of thumb is if he wets before midnight then you may need to look at the hormone option, if he wets after midnight/early hours then the alarm is worth a try. Also check out www.eric.org

belledechocchipcookie · 27/02/2011 12:19

You should have a school nurse, even the private ones have access to a state one. They don't always work in the school, ask them at reception. They normally look after a few schools each.

Original poster

Menagerie · 27/02/2011 16:48

I didn't know that Belle. I'll ask in reception. Thanks for that. Blackduck, it's good to hear another person say the alarm works. I'm off to look at the Eric site.

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Rosieglow · 28/02/2011 10:17

I don't have any advice but just wanted to offer support as we are in the same boat. DS is also 8, has only ever had one dry night and still wears PJ pants (pull ups). Often, like today he's wet through them & the bed is soaked too.

He's never gone on a sleep over as he would be too embarassed and we are already counting down to when he has to go on a school trip next year. I don't think the school are going to be at all accommodating so I'm dreading it too.

A friend has recently tried an alarm & it worked for them so I am planning to try that over Easter.

I did discuss it with the GP recently but he wouldn't go down the drugs route, said don't bother lifting them to wee during the night and his only advice was to get him to drink more to strengthen his bladder.

Keep us posted if you try the alarm - I would be grateful for any tips!

sunshineandshowers · 28/02/2011 15:45

Yes, I have heard a couple of success stories with the alarm. Sorry for your DS.

Original poster

Menagerie · 01/03/2011 00:21

Thanks Rosie. I feel a bit embarrassed and annoyed with myself that I hadn't heard that he should drink more in the day time until recently. So that's the first thing we'll try. And an alarm. (Not bought it yet. I wanted to give him a break from thinking about it, as he was so upset.)

Our school do the first trip very young - in year four, spring term, and he's summer born, so it's coming up soon...

Thanks, sunshine.

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Rosieglow · 01/03/2011 18:11

I think getting them to drink more really is crucial. DS has never drunk much. For many years I could only get him to drink at meals (so 4 drinks a day max) & even then it was a real battle getting him to finish a cup full. I can imagine his bladder capacity must be tiny.

We've been trying to work on drinking more lately.

I've tried before & it just wore us all down with the constant nagging. This time I made it competitive with a drinks chart for all of us. So he can see who is "winning" with most drinks. He can't let his sister beat him so that is helping alot. Especially as he knows she'll gloat if she's in the lead. So he has to keep up!

SauvignonBlanche · 01/03/2011 18:16

Has your GP not mentioned an enuresis clinic, that's worth a try.
I'm soryy to hear he's upset about this. DS wasn't dry until 13, he went away with school in Yr4 also and was very matter of fact that he had a 'bladder problem' and wore pull-ups when away from home.
It will get better, in time - I promise!

Milliways · 01/03/2011 19:34

Yes, definately drink more. It was that and a few exercises that helped DS.

We cut out blackcurrant juice/squash and swapped it for a less acidic squash (he didn't drink just water much then, so weak squash was used). He took extra drinks to school, I met him with one for the walk home, a good drink with tea and then water only from 6pm. NO Fizzy (except weekend occasional treats if before 4pm).

He also had to practice "holding on". Whenever he needed the loo we said "wait a few minutes". Often he forgot for an amazingly long time! This stretches the bladder so he can hold more.
Then, when he was about to wee, he was to count to 10 if poss whilst standing at the loo. This trained his body to recognise a full bladder and the urge to go, and help him recognise it at night.

DS was 7 when we cracked this - but he was seeing the school nurses at the local eneuresis clinic. We had a "star chart" thing with small rewards building up to eg New Pyjamas and finally a Sleepover here :)

Good luck.

Rosieglow · 02/03/2011 10:54

Will the eneuresis clinic offer anything different to the GP? We've already seen paediatrians to check out that he doesn't have specific problems (this was when he was younger for daytime toileting problems).

It just came down to "some kids just take longer" so I don't really want to make another big issue of it with DS just to get told the same things - drink more, not after 6pm and don't worry about it!

Milliways, was your DS able to hold on to start with? DS denies he needs to go for ages (even when we can all see from his posture that he needs to) until he's absolutely desparate & has to run. I don't think he would be able to hold anything then!

orangehead · 02/03/2011 11:10

Has he been referred to the clinic? Ds2 7 was ref, we had to wait a few months for alarm. It took effort for a week, broken nights. But it was worth it he was dry within a week and that was about 4 months ago.
I was 11 and still wetting me and my mum had never heard of the clinic. I remember seeing a poster for it n the nurses room at high school and secretly wrting down the number so none of my friends would see. I got the alarm and was dry within 4 nights.
Obviously if you can buy an alarm thats better as there is a waiting list for them, but they not cheap, unless you get one of ebay like bilbo

orangehead · 02/03/2011 11:16

Ds2 also used to get quite upset about it, but as soon as I told him about the alarm and that it had helped me he was very excited. Unfortunely I didnt realize you had to wait for one, I got one straight away when I was younger. But when we got it he was so excited

Milliways · 02/03/2011 16:34

The clinic here starts off with advice strategies, then lend out alarms and can advise on medications etc. I think knowing we had a weekly appt also focused DS's mind and reassured him he had support.

Yes, he could hold on, but he used to go to the loo as soon as he flet the urge, so regularly consciously holding on was new.

GrimmaTheNome · 02/03/2011 16:43

Will the eneuresis clinic offer anything different to the GP?

Yes!!! definitely worth doing!

orangehead · 02/03/2011 17:40

Yes alot more support. Give the child star charts for drinking etc

eastmidlandsnightnanny · 02/03/2011 21:19

Hello

school nurses are employed by the primary care trust and take over from the health visitor when child starts school they cover several schools and are based usually in health centres or sometimes high schools but cover primaries as well, your school will have one and should have their phone number for you to ring them.

School nurses and some other health professionals run enuresis (wetting) clinics and your GP can refer you.

Tips to try

double void at bedtime ie - get him to wee then do everything else for bed and last thing before going off to bed for sleep have another wee.

Needs to be drinking 2 litres a day - fill up 4 500mls bottles or 8 250mls bottles (do same for siblings and yourself and have a competition who can drink the most) - if only drinking small amounts increase gradually - this is because the bladder capacity needs to increase and if he doesnt drink enough bladder never gets used to holding alot of wee during the day so never will at night (hope that makes sense)

avoid stimulants like caffiene and fizzy drinks also blackcurrant irritates the bladder.

do NOT lift at night unless he is fully awake and remembers being taken to the toilet the next morning otherwise you just encourgae weeing whilst sleeping.

Alarms are great, as is desmopressin but need to be assessed to see whats best for your son

also ERIC webiste is fab

Rosieglow · 04/03/2011 22:42

Thanks for the advice. I think we are doing the right things - just can't seem to get him to drink enough. Having it measured out in bottles is something new to try, although I think if I showed him a 2 litre bottle he would probably freak out - could never imagine drinking that much!

Original poster

Menagerie · 06/03/2011 17:03

This is brilliant advice. Thanks so much. I am trying to get him to drink more water, but it's a bit of a struggle. A star chart for the whole family will really help.
Another mum put me off the clinic as all her boys had this problem and she said the clinic ended up being an issue, did nothing and that they just grow out of it when they're ready. Last thing I want is for it to be an issue. But it's become one. Last night his brother had a friend to sleep over and he refused to choose someone. That's never happened before. He's so aware of it at the moment - I'm sure it's because of the school trip coming up.

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Deaddei · 06/03/2011 17:12

My ds was still wetting at 8- clinic was great. The nurse said he had to be Boss of his bladder- it was a muscle and needed to be exercised.
Double voiding, lots to drink- after 3 weeks he was dry.

FilthyRichAndCatflap · 07/03/2011 12:07

My DS had this problem until he was 7 1/2, then we decided together that we would do something positive to get some help, and contacted the school nurse. She came to our house, talked to us, showed us all the literature and explained the different strategies. Once DS felt like he was in control of it all, he became really focussed about drinking more, the double void at bedtimes, and most importantly, not stressing about it as she told him the % of boys who suffer with this in her schools (80% of her referrals are for this)

My DS was dry within 3 weeks of that first appointment so we never had any follow-ups. One of his best (he says) ideas was to set an alarm clock for 4am and get up to wee then. After a couple of nights, he was waking automatically at that time, weeing, then going back to sleep. I didnt even realise he was doing it til he told me a few days later!

We have never looked back. Please contact your school nurse, either through school, or through your HV/baby clinic. S/he will be brilliant and really help your DS. Good luck!

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