I have a DD who's turning 9 and whom we've suspected has selective mutism since even before she started primary school. Chats with her teachers, school nurse, school head and gp came to no avail. They assured us that its just shyness and she'll grow out of it, etc. However when I go onto SMIRA (the selective mutism charity) website and read about all the symptoms, it fits her like a glove. She started becoming very miserable about school when she was about 7. She did complain about some bullying and just the fact that she felt very uncomfortable in school round about that time. She also told me at times that she didn't talk to anyone for the whole day at school on some days when she came home. I was quite concerned about her social isolation and raised this issue to her Head and teacher, who then made sure she always had a "friend" with her during breaks or play-times so she wouldn't be alone. However she tells me that her "friend" sometimes does things like whispering to some other girls' ears about stuff in her presence but when she asked them what they are talking about, none of them wanted to let her in on it. Also she said that sometimes her "friends" keep giving her commands to do stuff that she didn't really want to do, etc.
It got to a point where she was actually starting to get headaches and tummy aches several days a week before going to school, pleading with me in tears that she was too ill to go and she doesn't wish to go anymore. She also started telling me stuff like she hates school, she hates the teacher, the school work, etc. She has been doing well academically all the time, and every parents' meeting her teachers tell me what a good writer/reader she is, she's one of their "top students", etc. I met up with the Head who told me that they are not aware of any bullying incidents towards her in school and that I should just make her go to school anyway because they are sure that once she's there, "she'll be fine".
I got really fed up of this and decided to home-educate her. Its nearly 2 years now and since then she has become a much happier child. Well, she smiles much more, let's just say, whereas when she was in school she often had this sort of vexed, or wooden expression, especially the moment I took her into the school grounds.
She loves music and has been going to choir but 2 weeks ago started saying she's got tummyache and headache again before going. I thought perhaps she got a bug, so didn't take her last week. She seemed fine the days after. Then yesterday I told her today is choir again, and that she should be well enough to go? She said actually she doesn't like choir anymore. I asked her why, and she said the choir teachers have been asking her to answer "too many questions." I asked her what sort of questions they were and she said they asked her her name, her favourite colour, what things she liked, stuff like that. Questions which I thought were quite harmless really. I asked her if they asked that of everyone else at choir too, she said yes. I said why are you bothered by these questions? She said "Its really embarassing." I said do the other children find it embarassing to answer them too? She said "They don't. They don't look embarassed." I said "well then there's not much to be embarassed about then, is there?" She said "But I find it very embarassing to answer them. I don't like it."
So I had a word this morning with the choir teachers and told them she has selective mutism and sent them a few leaflets off Smira telling them not to put pressure on her to talk, although she might be okay to say her name (as she goes swimming every week, which she enjoys, and all she has to do is tell the teacher her name at the start of each lesson, and she has never minded doing that!) They were very nice about it, they accepted it and said they will inform all the adults who deal with her in choir about this.
Now I'm wondering if I should get her seen by a child psychologist or a speech therapist? I mean, our GP is just useless, from our past experience with asking for referrals and advice for her condition. I wonder if going private would be the way to go? I've tried self-referring her to our local NHS SLT team but the moment they heard she's home educated, their tone of voice just changed and they told us they will not accept her unless she's got a referral from the GP. I feel like we're running around in circles here!
I have the Maggie Johnson manual but find that many of her techniques are tailored for school. We do follow the advice to never force her to speak and to bear in mind the communication loads and tell that to the adults dealing with her in extracurricular clubs, which helps a great deal because our experience has been that adults who don't know she has this condition will just assume she's being defiant.
She's never been dx'd but I just think she fits the description so well. Thing is that I feel she should not be put into a school again until she feels ready. Right now, she's not ready. I'm not sure if she'll ever be ready. I don't mind HE-ing her until she's 16 but I am a bit concerned about her future and ability to get jobs.
However, me and my husband agree that we've never encountered an adult in RL who actually had selective mutism, and that gives us hope that DD will improve as time went on, in a supportive environment she would be even better off, and we feel that right now home is more supportive than her ex-school. Would it help her condition to see a private psychologist or speech therapist? Would it help to get her dx'd? What professionals can do the diagnosis? Can a private professional do this? Should I pursue this matter again with our local SLT team? Are they under obligation to help us out even with a self-referral?