my dd has a problem with food

[onedaftkitten]

We are having real problems with our five year old who has issues with food. Eats a very restricted diet, will refuse to eat rather than eat something she doesn't want, won't tell us what she wants if asked, takes ages to eat what little she does have and now cowers when food is even mentioned. Been going on for about eight months but getting worse - we've tried everything from not making an issue of it to reward charts but she's now visibly losing weight. She fed and weaned fine as a baby and her older sister (9) eats well. Help!

have you tried

always sitting down together as a family at every meal time - serving her food and chatting to everyone without paying her any special attention

sometimes the focus of someone worrying about you can make you obstinate - ignore her whilst making sure there's stuff she will eat plus a new thing on her plate - have a decent meal time

or it might be time to consult a specialist perhaps?

We have, but it ends up in a battle most of the time, even when I start out determined not to go there! She always used to eat well for her childminder, who does put them round the table and manages to stay calm, but now she's doing it there as well

But if she's losing weight I would think a GP might be better so you can get psych support.

However in terms of the family mealtimes but think about why it ends up as a battle - it's surely because you are bothering about what she's eating - it shouldn't matter if she eats nothing

Do not cajole, do not force, do not encourage nor talk about her food nor pass her food to eat or profer it towards her mouth - just ignore her and the food on her plate and make sure meal times are relaxed

It will be really difficult to do whilst you are focusing on her not eating - but if you put her in the centre of attention every time there's food she'll clamp down

When everyone has finished, even if she has a still full plate a cheery "Finished now?" with a smile and whip away the plate - no fuss no nothing

Friend recently took her ds (4) to nutritionist (referred by GP) for similar reason. The strongest advice was NOT to get into battles, ever, over food. My friend found that impossible - because the not eating made her so anxious - until she got reassured by the nutritionist, who clearly knew her stuff, that her ds was basically healthy and would not starve. She went through the diet he DID eat with them, and reassured the parents - and they found it easier to step out of any battles or insistence.

It sounds so hard, so scary for you - I think if I were in your shoes I I'd get a referral to a nutritionist via the GP surgery asap. My friend's ds, by the way, has started eating much, much better - whether its because he gets no attention from not eating or not, who knows!

wishing you the best, and your dd too.

Also, she provides the usual meals but lets her ds have other foods he DOES want - even if its between meals - as long as they are reasonably healthy. In his case, this was cheese, hummus, a banana, toast - pretty much it. Not sweets or crisps, obviously, though these weren't banned by any means!

Thank you - we'd been thinking of the Dr but not wanting to jump into that too quickly but you've helped make up my mind that now is the time - thanks all!