DS1 having anxiety attacks- grief or emetophobia?

[sphil]

My Mum died four months ago - she and DS1(9) were very close. For the last few weeks he has been suffering from anxiety attacks with increasing frequency. They have got worse since I had my 50th birthday a few weeks ago - he has told me a few times that he worries about me being 50 because I'm 'more likely to die'.

The anxiety takes the form of feeling sick, sometimes beginning with a headache. He has always hated being sick (and unfortunately Mum's death came just after he'd had a few episodes of vomiting close together - when he hadn't been sick for years before that). He now panics if he feels even the slightest twinge of tummy ache/gurgling etc and of course this makes him more anxious and more nauseous.

I've tried all the usual things - talking, homeopathic remedies, being matter of fact, explaining how anxiety works (adrenalin etc) - and all these things help in the short term. He recovers quickly and is incredibly bouncy the rest of the time. But it's happening more and more often - and for the last two weeks it's been almost every day. I'm wondering whether he needs to talk to someone experienced in bereavement in children - or whether this is an emetophobic thing?

Would be very grateful for anyone's thoughts

sphil so sorry to hear about your Mum.

I have no experience with helping children with grief, but to throw in a tangent - could it be stress causing a migraine?

DS was this age when he started getting migraines - and after vomiting he always feels better.

I'm so sorry about your Mum.

Your ds sounds wonderful but very upset. I think I'd go along to the GP on your own to find out what might be available to him in terms of counselling.

My BIL saw a psychotherapist at that age because of anxiety issues and they also had family counselling as part of it. It was very effective.

I think the emetophobia is just a way of channelling the anxiety and projecting his grief. The one thing intensifying the other if you see what I mean. Neither one is causing the other, all wrapped up together.

My sister has just asked the counsellor at her school and she's recommended family therapy as well. She suggested asking at the boys' school first though.

I did wonder about migraines - but the headaches and nausea go off very quickly once he's calm and he never actually vomits.

Sorry to hear sad news.

Four months is really recent in terms of grief. Are you just about managing too? Don't forget to look out for and look after yourself.

Have you had a good cry together? Lots of fresh air and brisk walks. You can prove to him how much energy a fifty year old has to reassure that it's not that old (perhaps!)

Some people told me not to cry in front of children, but my nieces and nephews did with me. They wanted lots of hugs and cuddles. Or to be allowed to cry and scream and let some of the frustration out.

Other people have excellent advice here.

We've done a lot of talking this week and he seems much better - a few little anxious moments (before car journeys mainly) but not as bad.

WowOoo - I think you're right about the fresh air/exercise. He is very much an indoor child - not at all sporty - and although we get out and about at weekends, I think he needs more outdoor exercise during the week.
Thanks for asking about me - I'm managing, mainly because life just goes on and I don't have time to stop -most of the time I just feel disbelief that the world is continuing without her in it.