should I worry about weight of my 3 year old?

[petelly]

My 3 year old dd2 is a completely foody. She loves it, talks about it, thinks about it. She's always loved food since she was a tiny baby (breastfed like a champ!) and she's always been on the big side. She's the sort of child who when you ask how her day at nursery was will tell you what she had for lunch!

I had noticed that she's bigger than her friends and when I put her measurements into the NHS calculator a few months ago, she came out as obese. I took her to our GP who didn't seem concerned at all (told me that she didn't look obese which she doesn't) and we should just keep an eye on it. Just for the record, my 6 year old dd1 is skinny but food's never been a big deal for her.

I just don't know what to do for the best. At the moment, I only restrict junk food. At mealtimes, I pile on the veggies and the rule is that if you want more then you have to finish everything on your plate. I give small portions so that she does have to eat everything if she's hungry and I know that she's filling up on the veg. I feel more comfortable doing that than actually restricting a hungry 3 year old from eating. We don't eat much meat, dairy products are usually low(ish) fat and we generally go for wholegrains. I try to bake with her for treats as she loves cooking and that way I can make treats lower sugar and use wholegrains.

Should I be doing more? Should I completely cut out any cakes, chocolate (she adores chocolate and I'll sometimes give her a couple of squares of 70% choc for dessert) etc? But then I'm worried that it'll make food into more of an issue and there's also her sister to think of. At parties and other occasions when she's had free access to junk, she just sits there and munches her way through when other children have long gone off to play!! At the end of the day, I'd rather she was overweight but with a healthy relationship with food (ie just enjoys eating) than skinny but with an eating disorder but I'd really rather help her avoid all the issues involved with being overweight as a child and beyond. I just don't know how to get the balance right.

Sorry for the long post but it's been on my mind for a while!

"Should I completely cut out any cakes, chocolate"

No she's 3. I wouldn't do this. She is far too young to be made to feel that some foods are "bad", which I think would be the result even if you didn't use that terminology. It sounds like she has a strong healthy interest in food, so I really wouldn't mess with this, and why would you need to anyway, if the GP is unconcerned?

Is the NHS calc based on BMI? If so, take it with a pinch of salt. BMI doesn't take your general build into account.

My son is also 3 and although I haven't put his measurements in, I know he is well over the normal range of weight. He weighs a lot -- people always remark on how heavy he feels when you lift him. The odd thing is that he's actually quite skinny these days, having shot up in height, but in a weird way, is really solid and big as well. He's super-tall, his head is big and heavy, his limbs are long and strong. He was a VERY chubby baby (breastfed so not overfed) and now he's a big, rangy, strong toddler. In no way is he obese but I am quite sure he would come out that way in BMI terms. I stopped weighing him ages ago after reading a thread in which someone said it wasn't normal or acceptable for a 3 year old to weigh X amount (I forget); and DS was only 2 at the time and weighed more.

Your daughter sounds fine. The doc thinks she's fine. Stop fretting or she will pick up on your anxiety about this most emotive of issues.

I wish someone else would come along and add to this! Reading back what I posted, I'm concerned that I sounded bossy. Sorry if you felt bossed. I didn't intend it that way; it's just, the whole issue of children's weight and how they are made to feel about it is a bit of a thing with me.

I still think you should try not to worry about it, though :)

Thank you both for your replies.

DM No you didn't sound bossy at all.

pixie I do give child-size portions on child-size plates but I do give her seconds or even thirds if she asks (although make sure to give her the same amount of everything not just the food she particularly likes) because I don't feel that it's right to say no if she still feels hungry. The only proviso is that the plate has to be clear before she gets more.

The thing is that it's not just build, she DOES eat far more than other children and doesn't seem to have a natural stop mechanism when she's full. It's been commented on a few times to us at nursery and at friends' houses.

I can't help worrying about her but try not to let her see. It's partly because we have weight issues in our family with my brother being morbidly obese (since a child) and my mother commenting on how similar dd2 is to him in her appetite . But my brother is sooooo messed up with food now because there's much more emotional baggage involved (my father was an bit of an a**hole when it came to my brother's weight - he did things you just don't do like not letting my brother order a dessert in a restaurant while the rest of us tucked in!!!). So you see, I have all of this playing out in the background.

But the positive side is that she will eat everything, including most of her veggies, quite happily. I see my friends' children insisting on McD or sweets or refusing to eat vegetables and dd2 just doesn't (although would be delighted if any junk came her way) as she knows that mealtime is mealtime and you eat what you're given. She'll munch on a carrot for a snack if you offer her one. So even though I worry about the amounts (and what will happen when I have less control), I know that she eats nutritious food and, hopefully, has good eating habits. So not all bad :)

Don't rush into doing anything...

You are doing really well to be so 'aware' of all of the 'issues'.

How much exercise does she do?

Can she be distracted from food and when she is - does she still come back to you hungry or does she forget about it?

Does she drink much?

What comments are made within her hearing?
(sometimes we become what we are expected to be - so if she hears 'DD is a good eater, she always has seconds', 'DD loves to eat and eats very well' - she will try to 'live up to' her 'reputation' to feel like her (does that make sense?).

Do you ever make her wait between servings?

Have you tried serving up a bigger portion originally and telling everyone that there isn't anymore?

Lots of Q's :)

Hi,

I agree with the advice above and on top of that I really think you're doing the right thing to take a 'watch and wait' approach.

Firstly you are right about not modelling any emotional or complex feelings related to food on her. Mixed signals with food are almost alwasy negative and result in a child using food as an emotional tool. As you have seen with your poor brother. Don't go there

Secondly she is rather young and as mentioned, children do have very different growth rates at this age. You are pretty much spot on to think that if she doesn't look chubby or fat, she is most likely not overweight for her frame. A smaller framed toddler with her weight might be overweight, but it sounds as if your dd is built strongly and has calorie needs to match that.

I have several friends who show me pictures of them when tiny - and were the chunky type of toddler but are slim now, and similarly people who were little as kids and are fairly heavy now.

I think it's fairly common for 3 yr olds to start taking a massive interest in food after all it is something which we all have to take part in everyday, and it is somewhat fascinating really! To enjoy your food is a very very nice thing indeed but I agree with you that she might need to be very gently reminded at times not to fill her tummy up too much

I think distraction might be your biggest tool - if she has eaten a good amount at mealtimes then just tell her that there isn't any more because it's all in our tummies now. Then back to playtime or a walk outside. This will also develop interest in lots of other things so that food doesn't become the only thing she wants to do!

Chin up, you sound like you're doing the right things and who knows - you may well just have a budding chef on your hands