Author needs your help

[mortalcoils]

Sorry if this is the wrong place (or, indeed, thing) to post, but I'm after some advice. I'm perhaps best known as an author of slightly edgy/very edgy teenage novels, e.g. Hellbent, Henry Tumour and The Knife That Killed Me. Over the last couple of years I've also written 4 books for younger children, beginning with The Bare Bum Gang and The Football Face-Off. All 4 books are about the same group of children, and are aimed at 7-10 year olds. They are published by Random House, and got really nice reviews from all of the broadsheets. However, they haven't exactly set the world on fire, commercially, and I've been told it's because the titles, which all feature the dreaded words 'Bare bum Gang', have been putting people off. I've been told as a fact that book clubs won't have them because of the 'bum'. The books are really quite sweet, albeit rather rude, in a fart/poo kind of way. So, what do you reckon - should I ditch the bum, or keep on trying?
Regards
Anthony McGowan
(apologies again if this isn;'t the kind of thing that belongs here.)

For someone who makes a living communicating with the written word, you've not exactly covered yourself in glory here. It didn't come across as a bit of silliness to me, it came across as spiteful and defensive and made me think "ooh, handbags". And all I can hear now is frantic backpedalling. Which makes me laugh muchly.

Can I have a with my tea please?

Well, perhaps restoration comedy not the best model to follow. And you may have noticed that MNers have been rather got at in the press lately. We're getting a bit weary of generalised jibes.

That said - stick around - you'll enjoy it, and once MNers get to know you, they'll get used to your funny little ways.

Mortalcoils - Unlike the Heathers I warmed to you as soon as you mentioned the trousers. The sartorial subtext of my elasticated polyester trews is making me deeply unhappy.

It's very Post-Modern to like Restoration comedy. Mumsnet as a group are big fans of double entendre dialect as used in the Country Wife.

Dont feed the troll.

Is your wife the main breadwinner, Mortal?

That would explain his anger and his delight in being insulting to random women.

Odd thing to ask, Swedesy. She works harder, but we both earn about the same - In the way of authors, I have fat years and fallow - she's more steady. Having said that, she runs her own fashion company, and it's been a tricky year ... But I've always been the, er, primary carer. Wrote a book about it, once.

And Quint has succeeded where everyone else failed, in annoying me. Trolls waste everyone's time, and that really wasn't my intention. I was here for edification and amusement - got both in spades.
Perhaps i can leave you with the first line in my just-completed novel, Death Be Not Proud:

How do you titillate an ocelot?

Hi, Mortal.

This thread is quite surreal, with its proprietorial mners telling you the rules, and the threats, the flounces, and the inevitable troll accusations.

I have to say, your elasticated trousers comment didn't come over quite as amusingly as you intended it, but that's the dynamics of an internet chat forum for ya!

Still, I think you got what you originally came on for - insight into the effect that the Bare Bum stuff might have upon the commercial success, or otherwise, of your book. Did ya?

Best wishes.

I hate it when people say they found an argument/confrontation 'amusing'

it makes me think they are just posturing and afraid of admitting it upset them a bit.

But really, I'm not sure why I am wating my time on this thread.

I aim to please!

Or, should that be "Amuse" ?

totally fair Lenin, (though I missed that - having seen this thread this morning and when I came back I just skimmed the newest posts)

Well, I did find this thread amusing, Flight. Maybe I have a strange SOH.

The elasticated trousers comment was a bit too close to comfort perhaps. I will admit to lolling around in my PJs too often for sartorial elegance, even if they are rather smart PJs.

I changed into Boden for the school run. Naturally.

This is an interesting thread - I am a pretty open minded person, and like/understand the slightly subversive/edgy element to some children's fiction. Unfortunately though, I just think the title gives your potential audience the wrong impression. I can see that you are aiming for rude/innocent but if I didn't know anything about the book, having the sort of free-associating mind I do, I would read it as having some sort of vaguely veiled sexual/homo-erotic or paedophilic association.
I am sorry, I know that isn't your intention, but in today's non-innocent media-savvy world, and with parents' concerns with paedeophilia, etc, I think it could be construed in this way, and I would simply ditch the "bare bum" to lose all its unintended connotations. You need something silly and rude, but not that rude, if you get my meaning!

Oh, and I know what you mean about the mumsnetter press - loved Janet Street Porter's piece in the mail over the weekend. And I will never ever ever wear boden!

misced - thanks for that thoughtful intervention. The point was made by several posters, and I've totally accepted it (and thanked the correspondents, repeatedly above). We (me and/or the publisher) should have spotted it. But you know how it is - sometimes you're too close to something to see the obvious. I've one out in April called Einstein's Underpants, which I hope will be a bit less controversial.

By the way, just entered the haiku contest, so maybe I'll get to meet some of you in the flesh at the mumsnet party! I'll make sure I wear my cricket box...

Ha!

I suspect that you are hooked, Mortal. No escaping MN now.

Welcome.

If you can survive the pasting on here, then you are going to fit right in.

Mortal So equals then? That's nice. And quite a relief that she doesn't wear the elasticated polyester trousers, I should imagine?

Mortal - I'd love you to win the Haiku compeition. It would make me laugh like an old drain ... something I try to avoid, what with wearing polyester trews and all.

Does your Haiku have underpants in it?

The bare bum man came,
Laughed at us with lacky trews:
Haiku pants. Winner.

Mumsnet is the bum
Bare and hairless
Craved by the polyester underpants.

I have to say there is an absolute deluge of children's books with underpants in the title now.

Is it because they are sure-fire sellers or what? Because it's getting a bit ...well... meh...