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Original poster

Jacqueline Wilson - enforced ban for DD(11) - AIBU?!

27 replies

misspollysdolly · 04/12/2010 14:00

DD has read quite a few JW books and has enjoyed the Tracey Beaker TV show - which we have all watched. DD is adopted so some aspects (particularly of Tracey B) have opened some interesting and useful discussion in the past, most of which we have approached and coped with positively.

However, this week I have imposed a blanket ban on her reading JW books as the last three she has written have resulted in her being completely awful for us at home. Took me a while to make the link, but it is definitely those books that are the common variable. She starts one, get stuck into in completely (i.e it becomes 'unputdownable' for her) and then gets increasingly angry, irritable, easily upset or stroppy and can't explain her feelings at all.

I just think that they deal with really quite complex, emotional issues and they really press her buttons really really deeply. I am starting to hate the fallout at home, hence the blanket ban. The last two have been especially bad - Hetty Feather and Clean Break. Has anyone else found their children have reacted this way to Jacqueline Wilson books, or that you have not been comfortable with the subject matter and have veto'd them...??! MPD

OP posts:
Original poster
misspollysdolly · 04/12/2010 14:01

(2nd Para: I mean the last two she has read - of course, not written - DOH!)

OP posts:
BelligerentGhoul · 04/12/2010 14:09

I think YABU to ban books - but do think JW is mostly Not Very Good. Sorry, no help to you really.

MitchyInge · 04/12/2010 14:20

Don't ban them, why would you do that? Will only make them more desirable.

Offer lots and lots of alternatives, and or read same book and discuss the issues together?

Had similar problem with JW, not the emotional effects just sick of same old same old, but daughter naturally tired of those formulaic books and found the dialogue really grated on her after a while.

MitchyInge · 04/12/2010 14:23

Just trying to remember what she latched onto after Wilson, Eva Ibbotson I think. Worth a try?

coatgate · 04/12/2010 14:23

Crikey, JW is the only thing that DD will read at the moment - I had not thought of a link between her arsey behaviour and frequent tears to the books she was reading - I thought it was just her age, and her hormones. Maybe I should read them myself. Oh no, can't possibly do that. Will try to encourage her on to something else.

LostArt · 04/12/2010 14:24

The problem with banning anything is that it becomes all the more desirable. (I remember reading Judy Blume furtively!)

Could you find other authors that you would find acceptable and she would prefer to JW? If it's any consolation, I suspect she will grow out of JW very quickly.

TheMeow · 04/12/2010 14:36

I don't think you should ban them because I think they raise an awareness of how other types of family can live.

How old is your dd? I started reading jw when I was a child but I've found the newer books are not as suitable for younger children.

Has she tried reading some of her earlier stuff like Cliffhanger, The Suitcase Kid, Double Act and the Bed and Breakfast Star. I feel that these deal with "real life" issues but in a much gentler way.

Or if you want to get away from "real life" stuff there is always Glubbslyme...

jellybeans · 04/12/2010 14:39

YABU They are only books, stories. My DD read them younger than that and never had any probs. I think they are good books. Mine read a huge range from Enid Blyton to modern and never had any issues or restrictions. Their choice what to read.

ChippingIn · 04/12/2010 14:39

I wouldn't ban them either - she'll only read them secretly. Far better to read them yourself and discuss what it is that she is finding hard to deal with.

Give her other alternatives.

Nothing wrong with the classics!

Also, part of it could be the 'doesn't want to put the book down' and it doesn't matter what the book is.... I do know someone like that

TheMeow · 04/12/2010 14:44

I have just looked at the summary of the two book you mentioned and although all I know of your dd's situation is that she was adopted, it seems to me that the issues in the books may just be too close to home for your dd - a family who's step father abandons them and an abandoned child left to grow up in foster care.

There are plenty of other jw books which don't deal with issues of abandonment or adoption so I'd point her in that direction if she likes jw that much.

ragged · 04/12/2010 14:57

It's an interesting experiment; ban them and see if her behaviour improves. My guess is that the volatile behaviour you're seeing is due to her age (pre hormonal teen) rather than anything in the books, especially as you seem to have managed to discuss openly and calmly the issues raised in the JW books for a long time before now.

I hate to say this... but I'll throw in my dad's opinion. He works in the criminal justice system and is convinced that damage done in the womb manifests itself most in puberty -- in other words, FAS/FAE and related disorders resulting from the mother not looking after herself properly start to come up. He sees a lot of it as anti-social behaviour in juveniles.

I think my dad is overly pessimistic, but it's something to think about.

Original poster
misspollysdolly · 04/12/2010 16:09

Thanks for your replies. With respect, she has read a huge amount of books - devours them in days or hours depending on the length/challenge - including nearly all Eva Ibbotson's, Judy Blume, a large range of classics and more. The only time we have experienced this stark a change in behaviour is when she has read JW. I mean, she has some odd controlling and highly-strung emotional reactions at times as she has attachment difficulties, but this markedly happens when reading JW.

Interestingly, her LSA at school recounted a similar response to her daughter reading JW - which they (she and her DD) were reading together in which Domestic Violence was the subject. LSA is very laid-back and open-minded, very easy going, but instantly ceased reading the book and staed they would not be reading anymore. I was glad to hear this as I am not as I admit to probably being not so easy-going as she is. Not sure how long the ban will last, but since we have so much choice of reading matter she need not miss out....

MPD

OP posts:
BelligerentGhoul · 04/12/2010 16:33

But in some ways, the emotional outpouring (whilst clearly upsetting) may be quite cathartic (hate that word but hey) for her. She will have lots of feelings that she can't explain right now and maybe the JW is giving her an outlet for venting?

You asked if you were being unreasonable and then said you've already made your mind up and you're banning them anyway.

boobellina · 04/12/2010 16:37

Poor you MPD and DD, afraid I can't offer any advice but I can sympathise. My DD is a lot younger than yours but also adopted and we have had some 'fun' recently with inappropriate films.

Not inappropriate for her age (5) but ones where children are in homes (Despicable Me, Santa Paws and Annie) and the ensuing fall out. I was trying to explain to the MIL why Annie might not be the most appropriate DVD to watch with her when I made sense of it. To most children the thought of being in a children's home and/or not having a family is out with their experience so not as terrifying as it is for ours. I suppose a bit like someone who has been in a house fire would be much less likely to enjoy Towering Inferno, it's just too close to home.

I'm like a lot of the previous posters in that I don't necessarily agree with bans but in this case you are pretty sure what is triggering your DD's distress and I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that my DD's first 2 years with her birth family and foster home will always mean that different rules apply.

fivecandles · 02/01/2011 14:50

Gosh, banning those books will surely make her feel more misunderstood and that life's not fair. Think you should use them as a way of discussing her feelings. Perhaps it would be useful for her to speak to a third person also i.e. a teacher or responsible friend. Maybe some good resources on JW website that will help you work through the issues raised by the books. Could also get her to do some writing about what she's feelings esp a diary or blog type thing. She could have a go at writing her own Tracey Beaker type book.

TheVisitor · 02/01/2011 14:54

They'd be an excellent way of opening conversation with her. She will be hormonal, and will be having feelings that are alien to her anyway, and a sense of identity is becoming very strong at this age. Talk to her when she's chilled and ask her about the books, rather than banning them outright.

fivecandles · 02/01/2011 14:57

Here's a link to the JW website www.jacquelinewilson.co.uk/ There's loads of good stuff on there including resources aimed at teachers but which may be useful for you and a book group etc.

Suequoo · 05/01/2011 21:15

Fascinating thread. As a mum-turned-writer I?m really encouraged. Firmly gives the lie to the myth that parents nowadays don?t bother to scrutinize what their children read/watch.

If you want a good read for 8-12 year olds have a look at The Mummy of Mulberry Avenue at www.themummyofmulberryavenue.com/. It?s my first novel, has won a prize and just been published. Download the first chapter and see what you think.

atswimtwolengths · 09/01/2011 18:14

Is this really the place to advertise your own work, Sue?

penguin70 · 14/01/2011 18:35

I think u have to go with your got instincts and if that's a ban fine. I have a friend who adopted a 4 yo "untroubled" child and has had many difficulties with him triggered by various and surprising situations - I've been shocked that memories haven't disappeared and though integrated into his new family (he's been there almost 3 years) there are still big issues. I think if u can see an obvious trigger for her getting upset its perfectly ok to stop access to it, you're a loving mother, u don't need to be a cool friend. The world around her still has many opportunities to bring up discussions about her previous life. My friend still has a social worker - could u make contact with anyone there? It can't be an uncommon problem. Unless you have an adopted child/ close contact with one I don't think you can realise how damaged they are and in need of protecting from too much too soon. Hope it works out.

fluffles · 14/01/2011 18:41

i don't think you should 'ban' them - how do you know your daughter wont read them anyway?

i sneaked Judy Bloom into the house despite it being banned.. and i wasn't normally a sneaky or disobedient child.

why not talk to your daughter about how those particular stories make her act very difficult to live with and encourage her to read another JW book on a different subject next.

ValiumSilverTongue · 16/01/2011 16:37

What about Judi Curtin, similar covers although definitely less 'gritty' stories. But your daughter might like them........

I don't think you should ban them either. My dd has read some JW and she's only 8. I felt a bit nervous but she loves tracy beaker on tv. Maybe it's good for kids though. I don't want my dd to think life is the waltons. OUr life certainly isn't. Our life isn't the 2.4 dream with the white picket fence but at least I didn't go off to persue my acting ambitions!! (do I think my dd is grateful ha ha )

NorbertDentressangle · 16/01/2011 16:53

When I read the OP my first thoughts were "OMG I could have written that about DD" as she is being a monumental PITA at the moment.

However it then occurred to me that surely most/a lot of girls of this age a) read JW and b)are prone to being all over the place behaviour and attitude-wise. So just a coincidence maybe?

It would be like saying 11yo have an attitude due to wearing jeggings or Ugg-style boots etc ?

roseability · 18/01/2011 21:33

Could it not be that your daughter's emotional changes are due to a growing awareness of the affect her adoption has had on her? And yes JW books may be touching on relevant feelings and issues but banning them may be akin to denying her feelings about being adopted. Please don't do that.

I am adopted btw and became increasingly emotional in my pre pubescent years and beyond. My parents banned similar books and it caused resentment. I was a bookworm and that is how I dealt with it, to read about characters and feelings that may reflect my own. It is also great that she reads so much, do not hinder this in any way.

May I suggest you read the book below. I wish my parents had read and taken notes. I am sure you are caring, lovely parents but that will not completely heal the wound her adoption left

www.amazon.co.uk/Primal-Wound-Understanding-Adopted-Child/dp/0963648004