Thanks for replying @C152 . You are right what you say about the waves, and the relentlessness of it all. I am glad people I know have no experience of this, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but it is very isolating. I feel detached from my real life friends, and it makes me feel really angry sometimes. A horrible sad and irrational anger and it’s no one’s fault.
I do have a good friend I could talk to- I think I just feel slightly unhinged by it all at the moment and try so hard to keep it together for my son who is having treatment, and for his two sisters, and to keep my job going and to manage all the interactions with EXH. This has been in our lives since DS was tiny, but I find it so much harder now he is older and more aware of it all. And it has all got worse. I would give anything to change this.
I just don’t know what to say to people. They can’t do anything. But at the same time it feels like I am trying to hold the sky up with my hands and it’s falling down around me.
The tumour just feels like a shadow that is always there.
I am just so scared by these new nodules showing up in the scan, it’s just another shit thing. And now it’s 8 week wait for another scan, although bloods and clinic again in 3 weeks.
DS does not want to engage with any of the Young Lives v Cancer support , and I am not really sure what is going on in his head. I totally respect his choice here. But I worry about that too
anyway. I feel better for venting.