Triggered

[Skyla67]

I don’t have children of my own. I’m married to my DH who has adult children, which form my family. Only they’re not are they.

Soon there is to be another baby in my family and I’ll become a great-aunt (I’m almost 43). I’m excited but also triggered as I kind of wish I’d had children of my own (too late now for us both and it’s not a desire for my DH).

My mum tells me they’ll “be a little family” and I find it so triggering as I’ll not have that experience. I feel like I’m on the outside looking in all the time.

Am I romanticising this?

Well no. For some having children and being a family really is very fulfilling.

But others… not so much.

you’ve got to 43 and haven’t wanted children. Just focus on all you do have and the reasons why you never wanted to

I never wanted children. My now adult step children and their children have been a massive, totally unexpected bonus in my life. I am “nanny” like the other “real” grandmas and I love it, like I love my step kids. They absolutely are my family. And no, it definitely doesn’t make me wish I had children of my own!

I am sorry if this is overstepping but have you ever wanted children?

I am childfree by choice and I still find new baby / pregnancy announcements super triggering as I know I’ll never have that. However, I also know I don’t want everything else that comes with a new baby.

I think society in general romanticises having children and the reality is somewhat different.

I hear you OP. I find it very difficult to hear baby news. Although not all the time. Sometimes it’s not that bad. It depends a lot on where I am in my cycle. It’s a bit like grief in that it comes and goes at unexpected times.

What matters is it triggered you. You should be honest with your mum about how, even without intention certain things like this can be upsetting. That it does make you lament your lack of children. I'd hope she'd be understanding and you can talk about your feelings together.

It doesn't mean someone won't say or do something that could make you feel that way again, but with your mum she'll know to try and be sensitive.

I do get these feelings sometimes when my mum talks about friends kids/family babies, but mainly as I feel as if I've disappointed her by not having any.

I totally get you. My extended family had 2 pregnancy announcements over Christmas and I'm crushed. I can't have children due to disability and every pregnancy announcement is a stab my heart. Just try and think about all the good things you have, a husband who loves you, you can play with the babies then give them back, no drains on your time and money (I mean this I'm nicest possible way).

She never said she never wanted children.

It sounds more like it was never an option.