Anyone else have a normal job but feel like you should have high flying or meaningful job, because you’re CF?

[bushproblems]

I really struggle with not using my “full potential” even though i don’t actually know what that is.

Because we’re CF, in the back (and sometimes front) of my mind, I feel like I should either be earning mega bucks, or be in a role that means something to me. I’m in a position where I don’t have to worry about child care, or the cost of a child etc so I should be retraining and trying to find my passion. Or at least earn silly money.

If we don’t have children, I would like my job to actually mean something to me. Rather than just staring at a laptop all day.

Am I being ridiculous?

No i don’t want the stress/responsbility that often comes with high flying jobs. Yeah ridiculous cos i work in the NHS it’s stressful anyway. But im not interested in management tbh and thats the only way for my career.
I don’t earn a high wage but because we are child free we can afford what we like to do. We don’t have free flowing cash but we ar comfortable and can afford bills etc and if we had even one child it wouldn’t be like that.

CF = I thought of cheeky fucker too😂 'm child free. Was a teacher for 31 years. Not earning mega bucks, small house and old car. I gave up the high stressed job to get my work life balance back. Climbing the ranks, not that I was inclined or capable, was something I thought i should do.

Sorry for the abbreviation confusion 😂

Ok so maybe I just need to get out of my head for a while. We’re by no means struggling financially, I just feel like it’d be nice to have a job that meant something to me, or was very good at and enjoyed.

happy new year everyone x

@bushproblems I think (as others also mentioned) you may have internalised this stereotype that you need to somehow 'make up for' being childfree by being successful and/or doing a meaningful job. These two things are not necessarily related. People can do whatever they want to sustain them financially, and I find there are broadly speaking two types: those who work to live and those who live to work (another stereotype, sorry). Both are fine, and has nothing to do with whether you procreate or not. There are different ways to give your life meaning, being a good friend, take care of animals, being a good partner, do volunteering work, or even just chill out without causing problems or making the world a worse place to be.

I think I understand a bit. I’m child free and very average. I see the people I grew up with high flyers and with generally well behaved children and wonder if I went wrong.

I “know” I shouldn’t compare. I only see the outside life. Also I have had some challenges that didn’t. I try to count my blessings and successes. But sometimes it doesn’t make a difference emotionally.

I'm childfree, no career, I retired at 25, no pets, no plants, don't travel around the world, no extreme hobbies, I don't feel like I need to do any of that to be complete or whatever but other people get perplexed by me, so I can see why you feel like that. My only advice is you only have one life and you can't make everybody happy all the time so use your life to make yourself happy. If you like your job then stay, if you want to do something high flying go for it, if you want to do something meaningful to you but it isn't considered high flying and isn't well paid go for it. Do whatever you're able to, to make your life one you're happy living.

You retired at 25? Was that a typo?

I’m not ‘child free’, but surely being CF just means you don’t have kids - not that you’re expected to be a perfect shining example of humanity? 😆

Most people aren’t nassive high fliers or super rich, and it’s not just having children that contributes to that, it’s all sorts of factors. There’s no shame in not having a Very Important/Worthwhile Job!

I’d encourage anyone - with or without children - to explore hobbies and interests, though. You don’t necessarily have to find a ‘passion’, but you will hopefully have some fun and find some things that bring you joy along the way.

(CF-wise, enjoy your sleep! 😆 My kids are grown up now and it’s the thing I missed most when I had young children).

No, I retired at 25.

Ooh, you should do an 'I retired at 25 AMA'.

How did you make your money to support yourself for possibly the next 60-70 years or more?

I created something and turned it into a business and then a big company made an offer for the business. Interest and investments from that money, alongside the money provide my income.

Oh wow, well done. I could never do that.

People with children say things to you like "oh I'd live in a van in Portugal if I didn't have the kids" or "yes if it wasn't for the kids I'd be working in a refugee camp". Like no you wouldn't Geoff you'd be eating crisps and watching Traitors like the rest of us.

Nope.

I'm child free (by choice) and have a reasonably good career (senior specialist charge nurse) but feel absolutely no pressure at all to prove myself in other ways because I chose not to recreate.

I enjoy my job, but it's only one aspect of who I am.

I feel as if I should've achieved more generally

I'm not sure if that feeling would be different if I had children

In fact, if I had children, I might feel even more pressured to have some sort of achievement that they could look up to?

I ammakimg the most from being CF by having the choice of not having to try to make ££££. I don't have child related expenses, no worries about leaving inheritance. So I am quite happy in my average paid job I like. Have a great team, great work life balance. Bliss.

Yes. I like my job, earn enough to support me & my cat & pay for my social life & the occasional holiday, & have plenty of spare time for the other stuff I want to do. It’s perfect really.

40 is a little bit late to be changing careers- but I think that is what we are looking at here. You don't get fulfilment out of a job, or big bucks either without putting some effort in- you don't climb the ladder by just sitting there.
Firstly you need to decide- fulfilment OR lots of money, then decide what you are interested enough in to actually put some work in-and go for that.
Being CF gives you more flexibility but you still have to put the effort in.

It's tricky as there's not help to do this. Could you make start by committing to a taster class of something you might enjoy? No pressure to commit but a chance to give it a go?

40 isn't too late to switch things up. Completely retraining might be impossible financially but finding an employer who'll invest in your development so your own career is more rewarding is realistic

This is one of the reasons that I did not care for Rebecca Traister's book - all the examples that she covered were the narrative that childfree, single people should be out saving the world, doing extraordinary charitable work or in a high flying career.

I (happily) work in an admin role and am single and childfree, so this didn't speak to me.

Well, that's amazing. Good for you. I was lucky to be able to retire at 58, but had I won the lottery or something I would have done it a lot sooner.

I feel like this. I am early 40s, single and no children and feel like I haven't achieved anything. I feel like I should be in an amazing job so at least I've achieved something but that's just not how things have worked out. I feel a bit of a failure.

I kind of feel like a failure too, professionally.

But I’d rather be skint and unhappy in my job with out a child to care for, than with one. So that’s a win at least!

Yes. I totally get it too…. I think what’s worse though isn’t the expectation from others on the career - within our town and some of my wider circle it’s that I have the time to be volunteering for community events.. I have the time and no ties and therefore I should be getting involved in various activities for the better of the town - sorry if it makes me a bad person, but I DONT WANT TO - I’m quite happy being at home with my husband and my dog thanks!