Struggling with my feelings

[Butterfly1728]

I’m in my early forties and lately I’m struggling with feelings of wanting a baby. It was my life choice not to have a baby as I wasn’t with the right person, etc.

Now I’m married to a wonderful man (he has adult children) and I really wished we’d been in a position to have kids but we’re not and won’t be.

I seem to be struggling whenever I see a baby (there is a new baby in the family too) and I can’t seem to push past it. Keep feeling like my life has little meaning without having children and feel a bit low about it all.
I've got therapy booked in August to try and work through these feelings.

Has anyone else experienced this?

I think hormones can play a part in this - a kind of 'last hurrah' before menopause comes along. You have to focus on your rational feelings, not an instinct you may have that isn't going to work for you in the long run. Focus on the positive of being with a wonderful man. I am sure the counselling will help.

My niece has announced she’s pregnant and I’m thrilled for her but I’m massively triggered now.

I know how difficult these feelings are. But would it help to remind yourself that this is not just about babies, it’s about tantrumming toddlers, sulky monosyllabic teens and potentially ungrateful adult children?

I posted about this recently as I’ve struggled with this too. I hope that it is a last hormonal hurrah in peri-menopause and that it will pass. The only thing I find that really helps is to think back over my life and acknowledge that the choices I made around not having children when I was younger were the right ones for me at the time. Therefore, even if I could go back, I would stick to those choices. It helps me accept that although it might be hard sometimes now it was the next option for me rather than a mistake somewhere along the way.

What about adoption, is that something that you have considered?

Why should she consider it? And it doesn’t sound like her husband would be on board anyway.

Why not? If someone would like children but cant have children for whatever reason then adoption is an option. The OP hasnt actually said the reason why having children isnt an option.

It’s not an option as my DH is 10 years older than me and his kids are now adults and I feel I’m too old now to start a family.

Have you discussed it with him?

You're only early 40s 🤷that's not that old...

I don’t think that is old either. Why are you not in a position to adopt / start a family simply because DH is older and has adult children? I think if he was a good partner, he would consider it and support you.

Why are you so intent
on pushing adoption onto the TO? Not helpful. Perhaps instead focus on supporting her, not confusing further. Also, "have you considered adopting" is a) on the bingo card with insulting or thoughtless things to say to people without children and b) saying this to people without children is like saying "have you considered looking for your shoe" to someone who's lost their shoe.

FYI I was referring to discussing with him the idea of starting a family as she seemed to be ruling it out but doesnt sound like she has discussed it with him, to really know how he feels. As others have pointed out early 40s isnt old nowadays.