Interesting article in today’s Times

[KimberleyClark]

Re childfreedom. Balanced and thoughtful.

https://www.thetimes.com/article/ed494a4c-762d-4612-8ab0-9f88f89a365b?shareToken=147e21f22368a467327806ca32bdfd1b&fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR4iA-SP3Rm1qvz-HelTEeWmQ9hRxDyr0cY7YySi4-OfadYcjKVqkxQjN5AwgaemFEOZnplJ1w6JklF19YF81Q

I’m 56 and never regretted it. I now have my husband’s 32 year old daughter living with me. And I resent the situation. She has learning disabilities so she is never going to live independently. Fortunately she is on the top floor of our three storey townhouse (which my childfree lifestyle helped pay for), so I often don’t see her for days.

If people call me selfish I ask for one reason why having children is not selfish. And perpetuating the human race is not an answer. Because I can give five unselfish reasons for not having children.

I absolutely agreed with her about child free older women being happy with their lot. In your 30s you're still getting the why nots, won't you be lonely, you've still got time to change your mind, by the time you hit your 50s they know it's a done deal. I know lots of parents who are very happy they had DC, all I ask is they accept I'm very happy that I didn't bother

I wanted children originally but it didn’t happen and DH and I eventually decided to embrace childfree life. I’m very content right now, in my early 60s and having been able to retire at 58 (voluntary early exit). If I get questioned and I say this, no one says anything positive or supportive, like “glad things worked out for you”, it’s more like there’s a silence and the subject gets changed. It’s almost like they resent me!

@KimberleyClark I'm afraid people make assumptions, they think they'd be sad forever if they were childless so either you're not happy really or you never really wanted them, they can't see that acceptance is sometimes the only way forward.
I don't think they resent you, they don't know what to say, what can you say but sorry and that's a bit inadequate. Well I'm sorry it didn't work out as you'd hoped, ignore the people who don't understand

Good article, thanks @KimberleyClark.

I think it is great to read about the various lives of other women without children. I was in a similar situation as the TO: I wanted children, had some IVF, but it didn't happen. What struck me at the time I was struggling with this and trying to imagine my life was the lack of a vision of what to do next with my life.

What was particularly galling was that any newspaper story/blog/book in which a woman was in a situation similar to mine ALWAYS ended up with a baby being born after all. Or a "Looking back on this time with my now two grown sons...". This was infuriating as it suggested that there was no other option. There was the website "Gateway women", but that was more aimed at overcoming grief and not necessarily focused on that to do next.

I'm now in my 50s, great career, lovely friends and pets, meaningful life, etc. So it all ended well, and my friends with children are now coming out the other end (it's the sweet spot just before grandbabies), so that is great as well.

So an overview and celebration of women without children is great, and hopefully shows light at the end of the tunnel for those who are either on the fence, trying to conceive still, or have made the decision already to not have children.

Having said that, I am still amazed at the level of mistrust and misogyny I still receive. I was called "cold and selfish" by a man on online dating, even after I told him about my struggles to conceive and decision to become happy childfree. He was discarded, as I do not need that kind of negativity in my life.