"Do you have a family?"

[CleanShirt]

A rant. I met one in the wild today.

The person was asking if I had children but asked me the above instead.

I told her that I do have a family and that family doesn't include children. Her reply was "oh that's not a real family then is it?"

She then had the gall to tell me I'd change my mind. I was riled by this point and replied "I'm 40, peri menopausal and divorced. I don't think that will be happening".

She actually pointed at her watch and said "still time!".

I had to get a colleague to swap out with me because I couldn't bear to be in the same room as her.

First time ever experiencing such a bad one in real life!

I’m sorry, that sounds awful! The watch pointing particularly, gah.

My jaw fell open!

Insensitive cow!

Gosh. Yes, that’s awful. Your family is absolutely valid without children. Some people’s children don’t even talk to them; there are no guarantees. If you have love in your life then your family can be friends, pets, in laws, siblings or whatever.

Sorry this happened to you! I hope you don’t encounter her again.

To be honest it’s people like her that do actually make me often answer no when randoms ask if I have a family. Because I’ve also been told not having kids isn’t a real family.
My parents are dead. I have no siblings. I have no children (infertility). I only have my husband. So if I get asked that I normally say “no just my husband”. Which then makes him upset as he believes we are a family even if it’s just the two of us. It’s a difficult one really because honestly, I don’t feel like I’m part of a family. I think that’s my personal issues and I wish I could think of the two of us as a family.

I do have kids but this popped up on active That is outrageous. I’d never dream of asking their family status whether that be kids / marriage / partners whatever.

Yes this. Just so rude. I would never say ‘why have you got children?’ for example.

This makes me seethe with anger on your behalf OP. What a horrible woman.

I don't consider my husband "my family", which is odd I guess as I consider his parents and my sister in law, brother in law and niece as family, and I acquired them via marriage to him.
Likewise, my own mum, dad, sister, her husband and nephew, and my uncles, aunties and cousins are absolutely family.
I also hate the term "family minded". It's often used to describe someone who has a child, but they may be a pretty shit child themselves to their own ageing parents.
Sorry you had to endure this OP., although I sometimes quite enjoy this type of encounter, as I get a thrill from how basic and dim people are. It gives me a little fizz of excitement!

Me, my husband and our dog make up our family, so I would answer yes to that question.

I hate this so much. I once got “you don’t have a family, do you?” by someone who I barely knew (a cleaner who I saw for maybe 5 minutes a day) and I think she thought I was being awkward when I snapped back that I have a husband, parents, siblings, nieces and nephews etc. She said she obviously meant kids and I once again said no but I do have family. I think it’s such a dismissive thing to say, as though families aren’t valid if you don’t have children. She was asking as she’d often chat about kids with another colleague, but I guess I wasn’t as worthwhile talking to since I don’t have a family.

I find the term “family man” annoying too. I can’t explain why and I know it’s irrational.

It’s not half as cringey as my/your little family 🤢

I always say yes, I have a family. I have a father, siblings and my dog. Plus my nieces from my marriage (we joke I got them in our divorce) and the rest of me amazing in laws. All family and all part of mine.

Ugh, why do people do this? I was getting the ‘still time’ thing until way into my forties. Absolute refusal to accept what I was telling them, that I didn’t want children. It was as if that couldn’t possibly be a valid life choice for a woman.

My MIL was the worst and should have known better, she knew I had a family history of hereditary conditions. Not why I didn’t have kids - I simply didn’t want them, although tbh it’s probably just as well - but she didn’t accept that I could know my own mind about this and kept insisting I ‘should have a baby’ well into my forties. She is pathologically unable to understand that a woman might not feel broody or want babies and, I suspect, blamed my stance on feminism as she does many things. It had sod all to do with feminism. 😂

I have a family. I have a Mum, a brother, scores of cousins and of course my husband and cat. I also have my husbands family, in laws, his cousins etc. Not having children does not mean you don't have family. She must be a very lonely lady if she doesn't consider her other relatives a real family. People at work were always telling me 'you still have time' or 'your turn will come' or 'didn't you want children?' We do not have to justify ourselves to them.