Approaching 45

[ThisPinkBee]

For various reasons, most predominant an illness in mid 30s, it never happened. I also decided that I would accept it and in fact choose not to want it, or embrace it anyway.

That's easier said than done in practice. I've been finding myself really broody recently mainly as I'm in a good stable place and whenever that happens...I feel the urge to procreate.

I'm okay with all of this, kind of. I don't really like the thought of the upcoming birthday as it's just a reminder at the minute. And the broodiness about babies is hard. I rarely had that before as my life has always been so stressful.

Not really sure why I'm posting.

Do you want a baby OP , does your partner ?
If so are you able to get pregnant ?
If so then go for it .
If you need help to conceive, then the sooner you get the ball rolling the better.

The broodiness might be a hormonal reaction as you move into peri menopause; your hormones can be all over the place in your 40s. You should try not to base too much on a 'feeling' - consider why you've embraced being childfree, and the things you have in your life that wouldn't be possible with a baby.

I had a huge surge in broodiness and also libido in my mid forties, just before the start of peri. Seems biological to me. It’s so hard to do this as it’s such a profound urge, but can you try and give thought to how you’d cope with the reality of having a baby and also the level of support you’d have?

If you really really do want a baby then you have to get cracking NOW. You have no time to lose. Do you really want one,or are you just wobbling because the door is rapidly closing?

I don't have a partner. I have a health condition that might get worse during pregnancy. That always felt an unfair burden to put onto a partner. In terms of going it alone, I have around 10k of unsecured debt (car loan, credit card), no savings, no life insurance due to said condition, and no family support near by. The time to do it was when I was younger.

Thank you. That's really helpful to think of it in terms of it being biological/hormonal. Rather than my own inadequacy of not having it together in life which is what I ponder if I'm feeling maudling about it.

I can understand how you feel, everyone gets broody at times but this will pass and you'll be able to count your blessings again. I wish you a very happy life.

It's a wobble OP. I've had loads of them. You'll get through it, it will pass. Nothing wrong with a wistful moment thinking about what might have been.

As others said, it might well be biological too with the onset of perimenopause. There's a great app called Balance which you can use to track your symptoms when you start to notice them x

Didn’t have kids in my 30s due to health problems and ambivalence. Had a massive surge of hormones in my early 40s and went a bit nuts over TTC. Fertility results were dreadful - like “don’t spend money on IVF as it will never work for you” dreadful.

I’m now relieved we couldn’t as I’m a bit further into my 40s and can’t imagine dealing with a baby. However it feels now is not how it will always feel. Also, speaking to a good therapist has helped me get my head around the fact my life is different to how I imagined it would be at this age.