Childfree/childless due to disability

[WhatIsCorndogs]

I just wanted a place where I know others might feel the same.

My MIL has always wanted grandchildren. She has told me in great detail about how much she loved having her babies, how she's saved all their toys for grandchildren, etc. She drops hints to me every time we talk, but never my husband. I feel like a walking womb - she doesn't care to really get to know me, I'm just a vessel for her sons child and her grandchild.

My husbands sister is now pregnant. I thought this would shut her up for a while but ever since she announced it, I feel I haven't heard the end of it from MIL. It's worse than before. I almost wish she would ask me outright instead of dropping outrageous hints constantly.

I'm disabled and I have no family support nearby. My husband is wonderful and understanding. Having a child would probably mean I'd be unable to work due to my disability. We cannot afford nannies or the support we would need. I'm immune compromised so we would not be able to send our child to a nursery. It feels like everything is against us. She doesn't know any of this. I don't feel I need to explain any of it to her, I wish she would recognise that perhaps not everyone is able or even willing to live exactly the same life she did.

My husband and I have had an eventful marriage so far. No bad things, just a lot of big life changes, including me becoming ill.

I wish she would stop. I'm already grieving that I might not ever be a mother, and I don't need her to constantly remind me of that failing either. But I really don't want to disclose private things about myself too. I've only met her once (we live in another country to our families).

Any one feel similar? What should I do?

Thanks all.

I'm childfree by choice Op but your problems with your MIL will be recognized by myself and a lot of other people here. Your MIL thinks the only way forward in life is to be a mother and she can't take on board any other options- she knows you're disabled, her DS isn't complaining about not being a parent but she's totally focused on all her DC giving her DGC- and yes, she doesn't see you as a unique human being with problems, she sees you as the person whose getting in the way of her son giving her DGC.
It's easier to shrug this off when you don't want DC but for you, when you'd like a DC, it's particularly cruel. Your DH needs to shut her down Op, if she won't listen to you then he needs to make her listen to him. If she won't stop then you need to stop seeing her Op, you have troubles enough

Thank you for your kind reply.

I do think the hardest part is that she is hinting instead of outright saying "have a baby now" so then it feels odd to tell her to stop.. I will bring it up with my husband though, and see if he can say something to her.

She needs to be told that she's out of order, that should stop her.

My MiL knows about my condition and when I first found out we couldn't have kids and it was still raw they said it was OK, but so many times since then she has complained to me that she will never have grandchildren (husband is only child) as if it's my fault and I could just change it if I wanted to. She was so scathing about her niece having a hysterectomy in her twenties saying 'she'll never find a man to marry her' and 'how could she possibly make herself infertile?' I am worried she says similar things about me when I am not there.

I think you need to tell her about your illness, she will keep going on about it and it will keep hurting. But at least she will know why your are not having any and she may just stop asking.

Your husband needs to tell her to stop. Firmly.