Loosing my light

[MLL75]

I am 49 and in one weeks time I am having a total hysterectomy. I have suffered with endometriosis since my late teens. I was in a long term relationship but never had children. Since 10 years ago I have been off work due to a different illness, depression, anxiety and the endo. Cut a very long story short things have gotten that bad that I have had to result to having a hysterectomy after many years of trying different drugs and various treatments and surgery’s. On one hand I am looking forward to having less pain but on the other hand the tiny glimmer of hope that I would be able to have children is fast going out. I don’t know how I’m going to cope mentally when everything is final. I feel so alone.

@MLL75 I am really sorry for everything you have gone through. I appreciate it must feel reassuring to have a hysterectomy so you are no longer in pain. I hope it goes as well as it can and you recover well. It’s completely natural to feel
the grief of not being able to have a child. It’s hard to wrap your head around and it’s understandable to not feel ok. Have you considered seeking support/ therapy to discuss how you are feeling?
sending you hugs and wishing you the best x

That all sounds very tough but what made you think there was still a chance age 49? I am younger than you and have accepted I will not have my own children. I agree with the suggestion of counselling.

Thank you for your kind words. I am seeing a therapist who is in the same situation I’m in. Childless not by choice. It really helps talking to her but wanted to talk to some other women in the same situation.

Because I always had hope!!!! It’s a little rude of you to say that when you don’t even know me or my situation.

I'm sorry that you're having to go through this - sounds like a very difficult time. Have you heard of Jody Day? I highly recommend looking into her - she's the founder of Gateway Women, a community for women without children (whether by choice or circumstance). She's written a great book that I'm in the middle of reading which aims to help guide women through this. Coming to terms with the idea that you won't have children when you thought you might is a genuine form of grief so it's normal to feel sad.

I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope your surgery goes well and that by this time next week you’ll be on the road to recovery. But, and I say this as someone who went through many years of infertility and IVF and never did have a child, there comes a time when you have to let go of the hope and live the life you have, as it is and could be, rather than as you wanted it to be. I wish you well.

Thank you for your kind message. I have heard of Jody Day but haven’t looked at her book. I will definitely check it out and maybe see if I can get it from the library x

Thank you so much. Although very tough to hear I completely understand what you’re saying. I am slowly coming to terms with not having children but as a few ladies have said it is like a grieving process. I will get there in the end x

I don’t know if you meant that unkindly but it is very unkind and insensitive. What’s being lost here is hope. Many women, those with and without children often feel this way to some degree when they go through the menopause, it’s very final so I can only imagine it’s incredibly upsetting for OP facing her circumstances. Not every painful emotion requires counselling, sometimes things are painful and it’s perfectly normal . that they are, we can’t counsel everything away. We’re not all on the same timeline when it comes to grief, lose of hope, ancceptance etc And OP I’m so sorry you’re going through this and feel the way you do. That’s very difficult 💐

Thank you so much for getting angry on my behalf. I admit I was so angry with the person who wrote it. N one knows what each other is going through. As you have very kindly and sensitively said each women is on their own path and the loss off not being able to have children is so very painful. You’ve made me not want to delete my profile on here as this is the first time I have ever reached out on something like this. You’ve restored my faith a little that there are genuine people out there xx

Thank you and you’re welcome, I was very upset and angry actually on your behalf. I’m glad you know that people out there truly care. You were very raw, honest, vulnerable and real in your post, i really truly feel for you and what you’re going through right now. X

I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP. I hope your surgery is a success and you have a speedy recovery. I suffer from endo and I can only imagine what a relief it must be to finally look forward to life with less pain after so many years, but also the grief with having to let go of motherhood. I think you need to process that grief in whatever is the best way for you. X