Childfree over 60

[Catgirl007]

Any other childfree ladies over 60 out there?
How has being childfree shaped your lives and do you have any regrets?

61! It's given me the freedom to move country three times and to live my life rather than one dictated by the needs of others.

I probably wouldn’t have taken some of the decisions that I have, if I’d had children eg starting a business from scratch, moving abroad, and I’m glad we had the opportunity to do so. No regrets here.

Over 60 and although I haven't moved abroad or run a business being CF has absolutely had it's advantages. I've always needed time to myself and not having DC let's me do that, my Partner and I don't live in each others pockets and it's kept us together for over thirty years. I don't regret not having DC, in fact, now I'm retired it's a blessing, I know far too many people tied down to doing childcare for their DGC and having very restricted lives.

I'm 60 next year and sometimes I get a pang of envy over the closeness some of my friends have with their children but then I read on here about the impact on all those with autistic/ disabled children and think thank god . It's a lottery .

Thank you for all your responses.
I'm 60, happily married, had a good career but nothing amazing.
I really understand the very occasional pang but I knew from about 10 that being a mother wasn't for me and it would have made me miserable. I have lots of friends who ate childfree that I've known since I was small so maybe we attracted each other then. Other friends have one child and it wasn't rainbows and unicorns.
I get quite angry that no one talks about the reality of motherhood and sells it as some panacea. I wish that those mothers with buyers regret had the space to be honest about it.
Do any of you worry about old age and care?

Nope. I certainly don't want to waste my last years slumped in a reclining chair, dribbling and waiting for duty visits from family who are aghast at the fast declining inheritance balance. Hopefully within the next 20 yrs they'll be euthanasia on demand for people like me.

I am not over 60 and technically still in my child bearing years, but the fear of having a disabled child puts me right off trying. It's such a lottery, such a gamble. Not that I am of course saying disabled children can't be loved or anything like that. It's more the thought of having to spend the rest of my life trying to guide someone who can't cope in the world and the fear of what would happen to them after I am gone.

Nearing 70 now, no regrets. I was thinking recently that even if I'd wanted children I wouldn't have ended up with any due to the events that took place during my reproductive years. Just wouldn't have happened.

As for old age, whatever happens, happens. Can't really plan for these things, so will leave my fate in the hands of my Saviour.

Well, I'm still only 59, but frankly I just feel relief! I see my friends still fussing and stressing over their adult kids, and I'm so thankful not to have any of that.
I retire this year and I'm looking forward to travelling, volunteering, hobbies..... and complete freedom.

I'm also not worried about "being alone" (if my husband predeceases me, or pushes off) because 1) I love being alone - we have always done separate holidays and trips, as well as joint ones. And 2) I would never, ever have wanted an adult child to feel responsible for ne, look after me etc. They need to be obligation-free and able to go off and do their own thing.

And friends are always more important than any relative could ever be.

They may get pleasure out of looking after grandkids though?

@PassingStranger I'm sure there is some pleasure for them but, and it's a generalization I know, but DGPs like the fun bits, they like having the Grandkids for an afternoon then handing them back to their parents. The people I'm referring to are doing long days, 8 until 6, three and four days a week. Not only are they tired out but they have no freedom, they're as tied to childcare as they were to their jobs

I have 4 children and do not want or expect them to care for me in my old age.
They must live their lives.

That's on them though? They don't have to do it.

That's a really admirable standpoint, but I think the issue is that it is hard to arrange care for yourself without your family needing to have some involvement (no matter how independent you think you might be). That is why those of us without children can worry about being alone and needing help.

I think having kids is such a lottery, in so many ways, as I'm sure someone has said already.

For me it was not my path and I knew from a very early age. I'm glad I didn't and have absolutely no regrets.

As I said earlier I wish there was a space for women to be honest and open about how difficult motherhood can be for some. I'm also horrified by women having babies out of FOMO.

It's just a tiny pang of who will advocate for me if my husband predeceaes me. (I do have two wonderful nieces) I guess it's quite selfish of me really. But I also think I have a lot more money due to my childfree status so there we go, I can always pay someone if nieces don't put their hands up to help.

On the subject of grandchildren, I imagine it's nice to see them for a few hours but my heart goes out to those who look after them full time for their kids.

I don't think it's selfish of you to want someone to advocate for you. But it shouldn't be the case that this person has to be your child. Better systems should be in place to support those without children. Otherwise we end up in the situation where everyone has to have a child just to secure themselves a safe old age. It isn't fair or right.

Interesting. Curious. Why are friends more Important than any relative.

Perhaps because friends want to be in your life, whereas relatives are often bound by a sense of duty?

63 and now consider myself childfree though wasn’t to begin with. I was able to take voluntary early retirement at 58. No regrets,the last 5 years have been amazing, pandemic notwithstanding.

You may find your attitude changes as you age and actually start to feel vulnerable.

Or it may not and she may know her own mind.

Many women in my family with children have taken this view up to the end.

In my case he may decide to live the other side of the world with his wife and kids . That’s still on the cards . So for me, it’s a definite no no as to relying on him to look after me .

Fair enough. My mother always told me she wasn’t expecting me to look after her, that I owed her nothing. But when she got to 80 she would be saying “so and so’s gone into a home, obviously she has no one to look after her “.

yea. I guess they could change their mind when the time actually arrives. I suppose we never know until it’s upon us .

No, it's fab.

I had a good career in aviation, spent about 35% of my life away from home.
Partner incredibly supportive and proud of me.

Long haul holidays, we were away for 2 months last year. Our 10th trip to NZ.

Nice house, good social life.

What's not to like?