How do you cope with loneliness?

[CleanShirt]

Aimed at those without a children OR a partner..

I got divorced earlier this year and have lived in my own flat since early September. The loneliness is really starting to set in - I've an active social life and great friends, but I just can't shake it when I'm home alone - can't afford to be out and about every night, nor does it seem sensible or healthy!

Any tips? Is it just the dark nights?

My exh left just before our second child was born. Nearly 19 years ago.

I had a relationship for about 8 years but that ended two years ago. I'm 50 now and it's so different. The DC are older and independent and I don't have the circle of friends I used to have.

I have a very close friend at work who id be lost without but they have partner and children so we don't really socialise as they're busy at weekends.

Most of the time im very very happy being on my own but sometimes i do feel a wave of sadness that I probably won't meet anyone now.

In all honesty, distraction is the only answer for me. If I can't go anywhere or see anyone, I put some music on and get busy.

How old are you OP?

Sorry, I know I do have DC but one is at uni and one is about to move out - and they very much have their own lives.

I've just turned 40 @IBlameTheDog - first time I've lived totally alone. I'm lucky that I have a good handful of children friends but only one without a partner (and that's quite new and raw).

I don't think this time of the year helps either. Dark nights, Christmas around the corner, nostalgia everywhere. It's hard.

I've never felt lonely until this year. I haven't been very well for a lot of it - menopause as it turned out - and I've really struggled to enjoy life like I used to.

40 is still young but I agree it's hard to go out when all your friends are in couples.

Give yourself winter to rest and relax then start afresh in spring. I used to love running and I have a dog to walk. I truly believe fresh air and exercise helps with your overall mood.

@CleanShirt I’m 38, single and no children. I feel your pain. I find having things to look forward to really helps, plans in the diary with friends etc. I am also making a conscious effort to try and make more friends in a similar boat to me, I think it helps. Do you live in a city where you could maybe join clubs / meet ups etc?

It's hard isn't it. I have wonderful friends and lots to look forward to, but can't exactly do stuff with them every night of the week! And I have a very needy cat who can't wait for me to get home every evening.

I think I'm going to join a Meetup group in the new year, there some supper clubs near me that look good.

@CleanShirt yeah it really is and I know what you mean about not being able to see them every night. I am fortunate that I’ve lived alone for a while so it may be an adjustment period for you but I try and enjoy my own company and for the most part, I’m ok. But it can get me down sometimes and this time of year certainly doesn’t help!

@CleanShirt I am sorry to hear you have been feeling lonely.

One thing you could possibly look into is online communities related to any hobbies you may have. For example, if you like art, there is a lovely community of artists on Instagram and they frequently hold sessions in the evening where people log on and draw / paint together. Sometimes it's through their Patreon account, and it's a few pounds a mount to be a member. I don't know how much 'chatter' goes on during the sessions, but I think it would be at least nice to feel like you are part of something and sharing a hobby with others - and without even having to leave your house (especially in the winter!).

I can give you the names of some accounts / artists to look up if this interests you.

You're only 50! Of course you have a good chance of meeting someone if you're clever and know what you want.

One tip I'd suggest if you get lonely being in your home is to make it as nice and comfortable as you can. Lighting can make a huge difference - particularly never use a ceiling light - always have table lamps, standard lamps, low level lighting and use warm white bulbs. In the evening it makes everything feel much more cosy and homely.

Remember as well that a familiar home can give a lot of comfort so if you moved in September, it will all still be fairly new to you and you won't have attained that comfort from the familiarity of the flat as yet. It will come though.

Would you join the gym or leisure centre, to go to Classes.
Or join some evening classes, you will meet more people in your situation there I think. X

Keep busy basically, and don't do what I do, which is work at home mostly too. And cultivate enjoyment of your own company.

That's a difficult one - I've never enjoyed my own company and was forced into this situation so still a big learning curve!

In similar place but maybe less friends. Tits hard