A lot of families aren't happy

[UmbrellaEllaEllaElla]

One of the arguments against being childfree is that you'll be lonely and there will be no-one to look out for you.

But so many people I know are so unhappy in their families. Whether there are addiction issues, affairs and infidelity, sex issues, a woman having to do all the work around a rather useless partner, or whatever else. A lot of my friends whenever we meet to talk seem deeply unhappy.

If you have a healthy relationship and a healthy family, then family life can be wonderful.

But quite honestly I think a lot of families are deeply unhealthy - hotbeds of resentment and desperation. By contrast, a single life can be peaceful, gentle.

Just sometimes when people say 'aren't you worried you'll be alone?', I think 'compared to feeling alone anyway with a toxic family?'

Yes, I think it’s important to recognise that.

So true. I never understand why people think having a child will mean you have someone to look after you when you are old, or having two kids will mean they have each other… There is absolutely no guarantee of these things (they could die young, be too ill, hate you or each other, move to the other side of the world..)
And it also intrigues me how many of my friends with daughters have been, or are, LC or NC with them at the daughter’s behest. It defo seems to be a thing..

I'm putting everything into making sure my children are independent and happy without me.
If I became ill I would not want them to give up their lives to care for me.
They get on well but are likely to live in different parts of the country to each other due to career choices. I had them because I desperately wanted them.
I don't think it will make my old age any easier. If anything it will be a lot less financially comfortable as I am trying hard to help set them up financially as they become young adults.

No one is happy all the time anyway and having constant company and family around isn’t something that’s guaranteed to people with children. Ask in any nursing home and there will be residents who have adult children that never visit.

There are so many variables in peoples normal and imperfect families that saying you’ll be lonely in old age as if children are insurance seems a weak argument.

Just sometimes when people say 'aren't you worried you'll be alone?', I think 'compared to feeling alone anyway with a toxic family?'

To quote Whitney Houston, "I'd rather be alone than unhappy".

No guarantee in life

I find d it so odd when say well aren't you lonely or alone. No i do have friends and family who see alot. I go home to an empty house and thank god after being at work talking all day meeting friends after work going home to a quiet peaceful space is exactly what I need.

Don't need people around you 24/7

I don’t think this really ties into being childfree, child free doesn’t mean you have no family in most cases.

I have children but this popped up in active. There is no guarantee and I certainly didn't have my kid to look after me in old age. I'll pop off to dig nitas very happily.

For a lot of my younger years I was unhappy because bad relationships and infertility made me fear I may never have children. I do feel very lucky I was eventually able to have them - because of the people they now are. But seeing how happy my child free friends are has made me wish that younger women who are having the fears that I had in my 20s and 30s could see just how wonderful a life without children (and men 😁) can be
The joy that children bring comes with huge sacrifices for women

Yes! My biggest fear of old age now is of being a burden to my children. I hope I'd be on the first flight to Switzerland before that happened

Obviously having children so you'll have someone around when you're old is a terrible reason to have them.

But the rest of your post seems to be more about being single rather than being childfree. There are plenty of posters on MN who say they're much happier now they've ditched the horrible husband and are a single parent. And you can have a horrible relationship whether you have children or not (although of course children may make it harder to leave that relationship).

I think being single is always better than a bad relationship. But I think a good relationship is better than being single - but only because I would define a good relationship as one that makes your life better iyswim. And if you don't think any relationship could make your life better, then that's also fine.

Yep trapped and unhappy.

But I think a good relationship is better than being single - but only because I would define a good relationship as one that makes your life better iyswim. And if you don't think any relationship could make your life better, then that's also fine.

I’ve never been happier & healthier than when it’s been just me & the cat.

Relationships are definitely not for everyone so I’m glad you acknowledged that at the end.

But the line that keeps getting trotted out to us is ‘Who’s going to look after you when you’re old if you don’t have kids?’.

There are many many ways to live a contented life or have a miserable time, and being in a household with family members (life partner, children etc) can be the cause of either.

Some possible responses to that extraordinarily tiresome line:

"Gosh, that would be a very selfish reason to have children, wouldn't it?"

"Well who's going to look after you if your children can't or won't?

You are right, OP, of course. But even those who do have a happy family would hopefully never want or expect their adult children to care for them or be a "prevention" for loneliness. It is up to each of us as individuals to make our own luck in life, and not rely on others to "make us happy".

You can have a lot of those issues if you're child free.

Also bring child free doesn't mean you're single?

Being**

If you have the issues of addiction and abuse, adding kids to the mix will make those issues worse and harm the kids.

It's a lot easier to end a bad marriage when no kids are involved.

Well today is the day that is writ large. Also the day I am breathing a sigh of relief to be without family. My friends (a family) have been lovely, up until the point they start having their family bickering. And then I read the succession of threads on here... Don't want to be smug but let's count our blessings.

I am still astounded at the number of women in the family who are still financially reliant on their husbands and can't leave an abusive relationship because they've no money to leave . I'm still surprised at how low some women set the bar for their own happiness .
Clearly there are many many families who are really happy but there will also be many where people are just ' settling ' for the children , fear of being alone, can't support themselves independently, rather be with anyone rather than alone etc etc . Very sad .