Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

MNers without children

This board is primarily for MNers without children - others are welcome to post but please be respectful

For mumsnetters who are childfree due to infertility, is this part of the journey to being childfree

26 replies

Opalfleur2026 · 01/11/2024 07:26

Dh and I married at 22. We have always been open to the idea of babies so much so that even at university when we were using condoms, DH promised me that if I did get pregnant (we met in final year and it was my first sexual relationship), we would marry and keep the baby. We married at 22 anyway, partially because we wanted to but also because we are an international couple and it was easier for us to stay in the same country. As soon as we married we used the withdrawal method and we said that if we had the baby we would definitely keep the baby and be happy. Dh is atheist BTW and we are definitely pro choice so it doesn't have to do with religion (though we are both from traditional religious backgrounds and I currently belong to a liberal denomination).

We used withdrawal method from 2015 (I was 22) to August 2023. Rhythm method from Feb to August 2023 (no condoms). Officially TTC from August 2023 to now. Nothing. Went to nhs to investigate fertility, not much found from the tests.. We discuss this and we agreed that we would go through one round of ivf maximum if needed .

I have done some research and apparently many couples need multiple cycles to get pregnant. But I am not willing to put myself through that, I think for me I just want to say I tried and move on if I can't.. in a sense I am mentally preparing myself for a future without children; previously I was obsessed wirh moving onto a bigger flat now I am far less bothered as our tiny 2 bed is optimal for us and taking on that kind of extra debt in London is life changing.

What do you all think, esp those of you who have been through ivf.

OP posts:
Opalfleur2026 · 06/11/2024 11:57

TheBluntTurtle · 06/11/2024 09:49

That’s good - it sounds like you have some options to consider. I think a lot of clinics have counselling services attached to treatment so it might be useful for you to discuss with them your thoughts and the difficulty you are having in deciding. They maybe be able to offer some other perspectives and questions to ask yourself. Maybe if you can’t decide at the moment it might be worth telling the clinic that you wish to pause for the time being if you can without being taken off the list and having to be re-referred?

edited as I replied before you edited your post- I think only you can decide on whether you want to undergo treatment or not - it’s a really hard decision to make and you will be grieving the loss of not being able to conceive naturally. Fertility treatment is not something you anticipate having to do when you decide to start a family.
Personally, I think your comment re: state of the world and infertile women in WW2 is more about the decision to have children at all rather than undertake fertility treatment - if you were to conceive naturally then the world would be in the same shitty state as it now. You need to decide if you want to bring a child into it regardless of how it is conceived. I also think the WW2 comment is unhelpful - those women may have been grieving the loss of family members and friends, and also the families they never got to have due to many different reasons including reproductive health (and the lack of treatments/ diagnosis available then) - it’s impossible to know how they felt.

Edited

Thanks for your words. Sadly for me I did anticipate fertility treatment as I was using withdrawal method for 8 years before ttc and it got a bit weird that I wasn't getting pregnant.

I think I am adopting a dual approach so that I would still be OK even if the fertility treatment didn't work out. I wasn't shocked when I passed the year mark of ttc; in a way I was relieved as it meant my DH acknowledged we had fertility issues rather than saying we hadn't been trying long enough (yes we hadn't been trying very long compared to others but the fact we basically didn't use contraception in our 20s was also a factor). My dh just said he was pull out king lol.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread