Ways to avoid loneliness in old age

[Starfish89]

Following on from that dreadful thread earlier today in which we had parents coming over and guaranteeing those of us without children a horrible sad lonely old age, I thought I woukd try and start something more positive. Why don't we all share things we plan to do to make our later years happy. I plan to:

Live in a lovely retirement village with plenty of activities I would enjoy. I have found the ideal place and am saving hard to afford this.

Join the WI and take part in lots of their trips and outings

Start my own little craft type group (something I am planning on doing soon).

Keep making friends throughout my life (before I get to old age). Especially friends who also don't have children, as they are more likely to be available to socialise.

Get involved with online communities related to my hobbies.

Do some volunteering in my community. I would like to work in a charity shop.

Just generally try and be a nice and friendly person that people wish to spend time with!

I think this is a huge risk for people that have lived most of their lives as a couple, especially widowers, they’re just not used to living their own life

Exactly. Some MNers talk about their partner / family being enough & not needing anyone else. It can’t always work that way.

I intend to move areas when I retire. I like the idea of a new place to explore and which is suited to me in retirement rather than where I have to be for work.

I am not brilliantly good with people and also introverted, so will have to make a real effort to stay social. Aside from staying active I intend to join groups which involve meeting people regularly. I also want to be somewhere like a retirement village where plenty of activities are organised and it is set up for older age. It is just going to be more expensive than one where family can help out and still provide an element of being social. I may go and live near my siblings.

I do really worry tbh as my great auntie was also childfree (by choice) and she was so very lonely when she retired. Part of me thinks however many clubs or whatever you join it’s not the same as having people who will be there for you no matter what. How do you reconcile this?

I am sorry you worry. I worry too. I think you just have to accept your lot sadly. Maybe move somewhere like a retirement village (if you can afford it) where there will be others in the same position. My nightmare would be to be surrounded by families and being constantly reminded of what I lack.

I suppose I'm lucky. My friend and her husband live close by and we have keys to each other's houses. She's in touch most days and if I didn't answer the phone and wasn't active on social media she'd be round pretty pronto to check I was still alive. In fact she spends so much time as a de facto PA to her friends and godchildren it's just about a full time job. She messaged me this morning to remind me that my boiler was due for its annual service!

Also I think maybe trying to make a close group of friends who also do not have children. Then you can face some of the worries and look for solutions together.

She sounds like a brilliant friend. I do think making close friendships with others who do not have children is important for us.

Thanks - yes she is. Nearly all the tradesmen I use have worked for her for years initially so I've never had to worry about being ripped off. I pet sit for her if she and her husband have to go out and she and I go away for trips while her husband feeds my cats. I'm lucky to have her - even if she nags a lot and thinks her way is the best way!

Aww that's great. I am glad you have a good person in your life.

I have DC and a DH but I'm aiming to do the activities mentioned by op and @its2024
I'm retired, late 50's. I'm moving away next year to an area where I have only a couple of acquaintances and despite DC, I need to develop my independence for the longer term. We never know what life holds.
Sometimes I worry about it in the middle of the night, other times I'm excited.

I think the time to cultivate friendships is now, not when you retire. I do have children but I have raised them myself and have been single for a long time and therefore will be eventually likely going into old age single, which I'm not too thrilled about.

However, I do have friends who are very dear to me, and now that my kids are grown I see them more, which is wonderful. There is a great deal of strength to be found in long standing friendships. We have weathered many storms already and will support each other as we get older.

Absolutely I agree with this. I wouldn't rely on making friends at an older age. I am working in getting more people into my life now.

Yes, I was just going to say — of my close group of six female friends, none of us have children. We do all kinds of things together and are very mutually supportive.

That's great to hear. Glad you have that kind of support in your lives. Do you ever talk about the later years and have you made any plans? Hope you don't mind me asking.

I don’t see any reason to be lonely when you’re old unless you’re lonely now. If you exercise your friendship-making muscle, and are open to putting yourself in situations where you can encounter new potential friends, and go after those you like, it will be well-honed should you need it if you outlive your friends.

I have a child, but I will be encouraging him to go and see the world, not hang around in whatever country I’m living in then. (And if he waits till the age I was before having a child, I will be likely to be dead before there are grandchildren, which is fine by me.)

My friend strongly encouraged me to take out a funeral plan. She was employed selling them at the time 😁
I insisted on going to her office and being a normal customer where she had to call me madam and offer me coffee and biscuits.

I don't know what thread the op is talking about. Might have been useful to give some context.

Sorry, it's the one on this board called The Best Part of Bring Childfree. Some parents came on and said we WILL be lonely.

No, we don’t but we may be too young! Late thirties early forties. We met in our twenties. It’s just coincidence that none of us have children but it’s not something any of us have ever worried about.

I am late 30s too. You are wise not to worry. I wish I could do the same!

I think there’s very little guarantee of anyone ‘being there for you no matter what’, tbh. Marriages/partnerships end frequently, isn’t the mumsnet mantra that ‘you can end a relationship for any reason’; children grow and move on, move away, emigrate, go NC for various reasons, or perhaps turn into not very nice people who don’t want to help and support their parents. Having a relationship and/or children is no guarantee that you’ll have someone there ‘no matter what’, imo.

I'm at that stage now (61 and lived in a retirement village for a few years) and I'm less lonely than I've ever been. I'm at last living alone since my mother moved into care. I have my two cats. I don't bother with the activities the village has, because bingo and cards and singing groups are absolutely not my thing. I do my socialising at a local yarn store's knitting groups. I'm on friendly-chat terms with my neighbours.

@Sugarpapersas @sammylady37 said, unfortunately having children doesn't guarantee "someone who'll be there for you no matter what" - my violent drunk of a brother disappeared from Mum's and my life decades ago, and my sister would have put Mum in a nursing home far earlier than I did, and tbh the only reason I didn't was because I needed the carer pension. So there's no point in worrying about being childfree. Cultivate friendships!