Ways to avoid loneliness in old age

[Starfish89]

Following on from that dreadful thread earlier today in which we had parents coming over and guaranteeing those of us without children a horrible sad lonely old age, I thought I woukd try and start something more positive. Why don't we all share things we plan to do to make our later years happy. I plan to:

Live in a lovely retirement village with plenty of activities I would enjoy. I have found the ideal place and am saving hard to afford this.

Join the WI and take part in lots of their trips and outings

Start my own little craft type group (something I am planning on doing soon).

Keep making friends throughout my life (before I get to old age). Especially friends who also don't have children, as they are more likely to be available to socialise.

Get involved with online communities related to my hobbies.

Do some volunteering in my community. I would like to work in a charity shop.

Just generally try and be a nice and friendly person that people wish to spend time with!

I intend to live in 'retirement accommodation'. People always blether on about it being a waste of money, impossible to sell on etc. - this is of zero concern to me as I'll have no one to leave it to when I pop my clogs 😃

Good plan. I have nobody to leave it to either. I think it is ideal for people like us.

To be fair it was only one poster, a few times.

Round here the WI is really quite a young/ middle aged group. I think that’s the way they’re heading.

Stay involved in the local & wider communities - as a pp said, volunteering is good.

Stay fit & healthy, mentally & physically, for as long as I can. I was thinking long term when I bought my flat, second floor with a lift & everything within walking distance.

I hadn’t thought about retirement communities.

What about you, @TakeMywardrobe?

I guess I'm getting to 'that age' - being 65. DH is a bit younger, and goes out to work Mon-Fri, so I'm home alone. I bloody love it. I enjoy our evenings and weekends together too, but being alone is not the same as being lonely. If (gawd forbid) he shuffled off and left me by myself, I have a few friends locally of a similar age - we tend to chat on FB Messenger and WhatsApp, but meet up for dinner parties a few times a year (they're all single males - some widowers, some bachelors). I guess I'd carry on doing the same, quite happily. Tesco deliver food, so I don't need to go out for that either, but if the urge seized me, I could cycle to the local pub - actually I could phone the pub owners and they'd probably come and get me, it's that sort of place. The beach is less than half a mile from home, I could walk or cycle down there and probably strike up conversations with dog walkers...

If I get to the stage where I can't look after myself, then I'd have to go into some kind of home, I suppose. It doesn't appeal to me at all - but it would be the same if I'd had children. An old friend, who used to tell me I was misguided in my decision not to breed, died alone at 60, having not seen his sons for years. I'm not worried about my 'lonely' future - not that keen on people, to be honest!

Yeah, you are right it was. But still quite upsetting for those who worry about this.

@Starfish89 sounds like a good plan! Just because someone has children doesn't mean they won't be lonely. I know people who have no contact with their children or nothing much in common and just seen as a nuisance. Besides adult children can be spread all over the world these days, one of mine went abroad with his job a few years back and now lives there with no intention of returning so I only see him once a year. We shouldn't be reliant on our adult children to entertain us in old age, they have their own lives to get on with. I had children for purely selfish reasons, because I wanted babies but their life as an adult is to live it how they want to........ not be responsible for my happiness!

A pet is the best company. But only get one if you genuinely love animals.

Having always adopted fairly young cats, so we have (hopefully) a long time together, I might in old age adopt elderly cats who are unlikely to outlive me.

I'm not too worried. I'm still working and intend to carry on as long as possible. I've got plenty of friends without children and have quite a decent social life. I've got the cats and I like my own company.

Now I'm wondering how long it will take for parents to arrive to tell us that we're bound to be lonely because we haven't procreated.

They will probably be here soon. And it will be the usual names. Some of them actively will us to be sad and lonely I think.

I would loathe a retirement village - all those old people. And the expectation to be sociable - yuck!
I like being alone, I look forward to time on my own, I can't imagine ever being lonely.
However, I do and will continue to volunteer - more to occupy my mind than for the social element, but that is a by product.
As much as possible, I also intend to travel.
The last thing I would want is for anyone - relative or not - to feel obligated to make tedious duty visits to see me. I'll be fine by myself, thanks.

I see what you mean. I would just prefer to be in a retirement village setting with care available if I need it. Someone to help in an emergency etc. Although of course it may be possible to achieve that at home. I just think for me it's the safest option.

Yes, I like travelling too - by myself!

I couldn't think of anything worse than a retirement village. Nosy annoying people! Better to cultivate friendships outside that.

While in the past not having kids was a little rare, and society was more 'nuclear family' based, these days many people don't have children, or children live in other countries etc, so loads of people are in the same boat and wanting to make friends with each other.

I'm NC with my mother but she's leading ahappy, fulfilling retirement, and an aunt who had loads of children and grandchildren to keep her company (she was brilliant with them and well loved) in old age died before she got there.

Life is way too unpredictable. I'm sorry that some poster upset you OP - but the fact they were on here trying to upset people instead of enjoying their life that's full of children and grandchildren speaks volumes

Misanthropy!

Inner wheel, similar to WI but international too, there aim is friendship and fun. Lots going on, invited to other groups within your district.

U3a for when retired!

Do a course, look at your local colleges, community halls. Wea may do a in person course near you. Where I'm from the libraries do a lot of courses not just craft.

Some meet up groups are aimed at the over 50's

Age Uk have lots going on.

Volunteer

Not having kids doesn't mean you're going to be lonely. There's many cases with the older generation who have kids and never see them. Age Uk do a befriending service.

I'm over 50 and never had such a busy social life, due to anxiety I spent most of my 20s,30s not going out. Forced myself in my 40s to try to get out more, it's had its ups and downs but getting there.

I feel there's lot more aimed at the over 50s, yes it's scary going to a group on your own and to build friendships it takes time.

My mum died last year & my 75-year-old dad’s lonely.

We all phone & visit regularly, though none of us are nearby enough for daily visits and he’s clear that he doesn’t want to move. He’s still well able to look after himself & goes out shopping, sees friends occasionally etc but spends a lot of time on his own.

His best friend, also 75, is single & childfree & over the years has got very involved in his local community, volunteering, joining local groups etc. He’s busy & has a full social life.

I know which I’d prefer at that age.

I’ll be donating to my favourite charities.

I already have a plan layed out and a will.
My funeral plan ive delt with and paid for.
I intend to go in a retirement home when i no longer can live independently.
All my things and money are to go to be split with animal and disabled children charitys.
But right now im loving life with good friends.

This is my plan too! Our last cats were kittens because we wanted that fun and madness once in our lives, but as they age out (one already died 😿, the other is an active 10 year old now), we'll probably be a home for oldies going forward... 😻😽

As for us, I'm hoping to stay at home as long as possible - we deliberately chose a house with a train station a short walk away and a GP surgery and supermarket 1 mile away. But I'd rather go to Dignitas than a care home - my father and MIL were in (different) ones - there was not a single book in either building... 😱

My mother was in a care home for 6 years. It was horrible. I'm hoping for some kind of assisted dying in my lifetime.

There's a difference between a retirement village and a nursing home.

@EmpressaurusDeiGatti very sad for your dad but the comparison with his friend does show the importance of at least having some ideas / plans for the possibility of ending up alone.