How to put down roots - childless and single

[NightPuffins]

I own (well, still mortgaged) a small flat in an area of London where I grew up. I always stayed living here because I always felt a real connection to the place as all my family came from here. Now, I have no family left here and I'm priced out of being able to buy a bigger home. I don't see a future here anymore and want to move somewhere else.

Here's the problem.

Whenever I dreamed about houses before I always pictured a big house, multiple bedrooms, huge garden, family size dining table, etc, because I dreamed of having three children and that's where I would raise a big family with my eventual husband. But in fact I never married and I wasn't able to have any children. Now, when I look at houses for sale I'm still drawn to what I dreamed of, but no longer want to live in a big house because I'd be alone and constantly reminded of the family I wasn't able to have. Yet when I look at small houses they just look squashed and lacking.

Alongside this, I don't know where to live. As I said I have no family left around home. I am long-term single so there's no partner to give thought to. I have a sibling who lives elsewhere in the UK with their family but we aren't close enough that I would purposely move to be next to them. Same with friends, I have friends in different places in the UK but none I'm close enough to that I would purposely choose their town. I've traveled a lot around the UK and overseas but I've never been to a place where I've thought I really want to live. Since lockdown I work full-time from home. So really I could move anywhere. But when you can go anywhere it's really hard to choose anywhere.

I feel really displaced and lost and don't know how to make a move. My big fear is being lonely. I do already feel lonely a lot of the time, without any colleagues to sit with, and friends scattered around. I have hobbies and spend time with people, but I'm the only single and childless person I know and I'm never a priority or main choice for anyone. I fear moving somewhere and still spending my days mostly on my own.

Has anyone found themselves in a similar situation? My aim is to move home for more space but I don't know how to make a choice about where and what.

It is hard making a big move on your own so I would say think carefully and don't move unless it feels right. If you do move those somewhere quite bustling like reading or just zone 6 london so you can still see your friends and look for a partner. Maybe some counselling would help you address the loneliness?

Think about what attributes matter to you in a new home. Village setting where it's easier to make friends but everyone knows your business? A more anonymous town or city where you have to actively make friends? Close to the sea or the countryside? Or maybe a local airport for trips away?

Write down your priorities then research what has most of your tick list. Without wanting to be harsh you are lonely now so what better time to find somewhere that speaks to your heart and take it from there. And don't rule out Ireland!

This is a very shallow answer but I'd be looking for luxury apartments with a large terrace to sit out in and maybe gym / pool as part of the block. Close to local high street with lots of independent shops / restaurants. Near the sea or some beautiful landscapes.

I would choose somewhere that can give you a sense of community. London can be very anonymous in a way and it might help offset the loneliness you are feeling. But don’t feel rushed to move. You could also look at building more community where you are.

What are your hobbies? What kind of places make you happy - hills, sea, city?

Personally, I've found community in a small town in a beautiful area. I've got a big garden but regret it slightly as it's more work than I realised.

Can you work hybrid?

One way you can get to live in a big house with a big dining table and big rooms and a big garden is to find a room in a househare where the house is just like that.

The added bonus here is that you never have to feel lonely because there's always going to be someone home and if you go into the kitchen or sit down in the dining room someone's bound to come in and you can make friends with the other people in the house and they become like your family for the time that you live in the house together.

This isn't pie in the sky because it's exactly how I live, and have done for a quarter of a century, and in this case i am the owner of the house.

Like you I am single childless and I have no family whatsoever.

Could you potentially rent out your london flat and trial living in new place by renting somewhere that ticks all your boxes? That way you still have the fallback of returning to your original area, or the option of selling if you find your new goldilocks place.

Or How about a commune style big country house

Similar position here.
I've found roots in a non-rural village. A lot of community events, lovely village pubs you can just walk into on your own and if you're friendly, you'll make friends. If it suits, get a dog. Everyone talks to you and you'll get chatty with other dog walkers. Or a horse, if money/time allows, same. I have a very popular dog who makes friends for me!
Hobbies, do anything. Even if you're not interested in it at first, anything locally.
I agree london can be rather an insular place. Choose somewhere unlike that.

Or as others have said, could community living suit you?