Why are people obsessed?

[InAMess2023]

Just could do with a handhold here I guess since I’ve gotten myself wound up this morning…

I can’t have children due to endometriosis, but already decided last year that I didn’t want to pursue any other options as I genuinely don’t want kids. I like my life as it is, I have a lovely home, successful job and I like my holidays and freedom too much. Plus I don’t have a maternal bone in my body. Currently sort of dating someone but it’s very stop start, after taking some time out to heal from the trauma of a past abusive relationship.

It’s my own fault I know but I commented on a Facebook post about the Radford family, ok yes they totally grind my gears because why are they so rich and famous for popping out kids. Then get all their fans jumping on me and calling me jealous, especially two of them who then start talking about me to each other… mainly along the lines of oh well she might have a nice life but she’s got no kids, single, no kids… etc.

I just don’t get why it’s so important?! I was not put on earth simply for the reason to procreate. For those who can, the actual act of getting pregnant isn’t exactly difficult is it. I’m probably just getting upset for no reason as I’m now on brutal hormone treatment for my condition which I feel is ruining my life more than the illness itself. I just don’t know why people think it’s ok to judge me based on my ability to have kids.

I suppose it could be because it looked like you judged the Radfords.

We all judge even though some of us pretend we don't.

It's Facebook.
You could write that you like puppies and someone will vome and claim that means you are kitten hater who most likely tortures them in the evenings🤷
Same goes for MN sometimes!

Fanbase will always defend. Set your fb on higher personal security so people cannot easily see what your life is btw.

And good luck with your treatment

Two random Radford fans on fb that you don't know and will never meet have an uninformed opinion of you?

This could never have been predicted.

You can't complain about people judging you if you judge them first.

I probably should have added to my post OP that I was unable to have children due to endometriosis which had spread widely. I had a total hysterectomy and wish I had had the surgery years ago.

You unfortunately opened the Arsehole Portal.

Supporters of people who have 28 kids or whatever it is are bound to have polar opposite views from ours- really, what did you expect?

It wasn't a judgemental comment I made it was correcting someone about when the benefit cap came in as they'd had most of their kids by this point

@FiveShelties I'm now considering a hysterectomy as I've now had five laparoscopies for treatment which still hasn't worked so now back on the hormones. I'm only in my late 30s and my worry is having to go through the menopause as I've seen my mum really suffer and I can't take HRT due to familial breast cancer risks

Well that's very odd then. How weird.

You're upset because someone on Facebook is a twat? Everyone on Facebook is a twat.

People are obsessed with the Radfords because it's extreme. 1-2 kids takes over your life, 20+ is mind boggling. It makes people feel their lives are well-ordered and manageable in comparison.

Your life sounds lovely (apart from the endometriosis bit). Just lay off Facebook. Real books or a box set are better.

I massively judge the Radfords and I have children. I don’t understand their fans at all. What is admirable or impressive about having loads of children?

@Waitingfordoggo that's exactly how I feel why are they lauded for popping out kid after kid (not to mention the 13 year old mother and 18 year old father). It's not like they appear to be wonderful parents either, plus their older kids are all now having their own kids and yet live off benefits.

I have the same issue with influencers to be honest, especially this morning seeing an article about Molly Mae saying it may be impossible to have the 'million kids' she wants due to her endometriosis... whilst holding her baby!

This! You judged them for having so many kids and they judged you for having non. You should all practice what you preach and get off Facebook by the sounds of it.

@IceWhites didn't read the full thread I see 🙄

Maybe you could ditch the phrase 'popping out kids' as well OP, it's hardly a pleasant way to refer to someone having children.

@InAMess2023 Re. the hysterectomy - I had one for endo at 42 - like you, no HRT and the menopause coming on wasn't too bad - I don't think any worse than I would have had naturally. The best thing I ever did, really. I'd certainly recommend looking into it.

Thank you @musixa I've been putting off looking into it up to now in the hope that something else would work, but I only had my last surgical treatment last May and it's already back to as bad as before.

Maybe it's time to finalise my decision. I guess one thing though that has worried me is my relatives who've been through menopause have largely said they'll never be the same again eg in terms of brain fog, loss of libido etc.

Oh I think it quite apt when referring to someone who has had a ridiculous number of children.

My brain was fogged by constant pain before the operation, so this didn't make much difference to it!

Libido - trying to phrase in a non-oversharing way - there was a change in the sense of no longer very often feeling randomly 'turned on' but if I make the decision to be 'in the mood' then I can be with no more difficulty than before. The surgery improved feelings of pleasure, I guess because all the nerves were no longer clogged up and competing with pain. My op was more than 7 years ago now and that side of things still fine.

@musixa thank you, it's definitely something I need to start thinking about

Exactly. It goes both ways. I have kids and couldn't give a hoot if other people don't. I literally don't care and never understand why people without kids seem to make it a huge deal (obviously I understand the grey lines around infertility and pressure from parents).

OP was clear she didn’t judge the family for having children, she commented to give someone information about benefits. There was no need for those other people to be nasty to/about the op. Hopefully their own children aren’t childfree or childless and won’t be judged/nagged/abandoned.