Times article on the benefits of being childfree

[EmpressaurusOfTheSevenOceans]

Posting this in the childfree section. There are a lot of good points, I thought.

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/b68a6e31-55f6-4a29-9607-907f9631a4ab?shareToken=880b8469fd526921d8629ac4084cb386

As my father once said, you can have a good life without children but then you miss out on grandchildren.

Those who don’t want children are highly unlikely to want grandchildren though.

This article is fine, good to see it in the mainstream etc. I do sometimes wish these articles weren’t all “I can enjoy my piles of money and freedom!” though.

It just reinforces the old stereotypes about how we’re all loaded with no responsibility. I don’t recognise those ‘advantages’ at all, and I dare say I’m not alone.

Exactly @fitzwilliamdarcy ! Why on earth would I want grandchildren when I can't stand kids?!

Better to be an auntie or uncle! All of the love and none of the hassle

I think the article is incredibly disappointing. It actually comes across as if written by someone who has children and is pitying the childfree. I had to doublecheck that the author was childfree.

The tone of the article is rubbish.

It is very much 'I tried and I couldn't'

And now I'm going to make it ok.

And that bloke looks like he's about to fuck off and impregnate the nearest woman..

Anyhoo...

I enjoyed the article actually, I don't think it sounds shallow, or like she's making not children some sort of consolation prize. I particularly liked the acknowledgement that the decision can take up so much headspace and when she hit 45 she felt relief she no longer had to consider it, and that she had for a short time a lack of purpose but realised it wasn't only children that can fill that. The different family rituals and nourishing of other relationships isn't shallow either, it's not an 'oh I love to travel and buy designer bags' article.

@HundredMilesAnHour It is clear the author was originally childless, rather than childfree, so that must make an impact on your feelings around it.

@Agustus Was there any need for a snide comment about her partner? Us CF women are often subject to comments like 'how does your partner feel about that?' or 'are you not worried he'll leave you in future and have kids with someone else?', so it's disappointing to read that sort of comment on the CF forum.

@Rocknrollstar You can have a good life without either (and either a good or shitty life with both). Also you can have children and then still 'miss out' on grandchildren. My parents have.

To me having grandchildren has the potential to be even worse than having my own children!

There’s another thread somewhere about a woman doesn’t want kids but who’s mother is desperate for grandchildren.

What would your father say if that happened?

@fitzwilliamdarcy you can have children and still not want grandchildren - according to my (now deceased) parents and in laws.
I obliged by indulging in the far superior owning and serving dogs and cats. 😄

Some of this resonated - the bit about your family traditions being shaped by being childfree. Some didn't - I can't say I have loads of mum friends, for example. If I socialise with mums who gave grown up children, there are always silent bits for me where they're going on about their grandchildren or whatever.

I also didn't lose headspace to wondering whether to have children, as I knew I didn't want them.

Overall an interesting article and good to see a positive piece on being childfree - thank you OP for link and share token.

I quite liked this actually. Thanks for posting it.

Shes so right about the amount of headspace it takes when you're considering whether to have children. I would say I thought about it pretty much every day for 20 years 🤦🏻‍♂️ The angst! It was so exhausting

I absolutely LOVE that she says she's proud that she's not a mother. That's such a great thing to hear. I feel the same. I bloody well earned that pride - it was one hell of a tough decision but totally feels like the right one. I'm so glad that I trusted my gut

Bit of a harsh thing for your own parent to say 😂

"Meh, I'd be fine if I hadn't had you [daughter], but I'd be ever so upset to not have had the grandchildren you've produced"

Well that's rubbish. I have 1 child who has chosen to be childfree.....good for her I say. Not once did I think...."oooh I want to be a grannny so I'd best have a child". 🙄

If you don't want children, why the hell would you want grandchildren
Sentimental, guilt-tripping tosh

That’s a bit mean of your dad to say .

Those who have children don't necessarily get grandchildren anyway.