Dating Single Dads (MNers without children)

[NeonSoda]

This is a thread for MNers without children. Not MNers who have had children and they’ve grown up and left your house. Just MNers without children.

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If you’re committed to being childfree, what are your expectations around dating single dads?

Is it something you simply won’t do?
Do you need to see that he’s being a good parent and carrying half the parenting load?
Do you set firm boundaries around not seeing his children or are you open to seeing his children and hanging out with them?

I wouldn’t date someone with children.

I am married, but should I ever need to date again, I would not go for someone with small children. Probably would be ok if they were already adults, but certainly not small kids.

I am childfree for a reason and having kids is just not what I want. Whether they would be mine or via marriage.

I'm child free not initially by choice but fairly committed to it now age 41 accepting I won't meet someone now who also wants children.

I accepted entering the dating market that I would date men with kids. Most people have children and I didn't want to rule out the majority of people. I would rather rule out men who have never had long term relationships...

I'd rule out any bloke that at first glance either appeared to be a shit or absent dad or anyone that wanted to introduce me to his kids too soon.

I've actually just started dating someone with teen kids and we've been talking about this. We've both said it's really important someone isn't introduced too soon to them. It's all new to me.

I wouldn't date someone with kids if I wasn't able to commit to the idea of kids in my life.
And to what degree they'd be involved really depends on the kids - age, needs, where they live etc. something to think about in the first six months of dating someone I guess

I guess it depends on why you are childfree. I worked with a woman who didn't want to have children herself because she didn't want to go through pregnancy, didn't like the baby stage etc but was a great stepmum to older kids and her partner having kids worked for her

On the other hand if you are so committed to being childfree that you don't want to see a partners children (which is a perfectly reasonable boundary) then I think dating a man with children is not going to work unless it's a short term fling.

Do you need to see that he’s being a good parent and carrying half the parenting load?

I think the world would be a better place if everyone childfree or not, needed to see this

I don't want children. That also means step-children. I wouldn't date a single parent.

I'm married, but no, absolutely would not date or even message a parent. We'd have diametrically opposed lifestyles, wants, views.

I'm gay and I wouldn't date a woman who wanted kids, who was on the fence about kids, or who had existing kids.

That limits my dating pool even more but I'm adamant about it. I don't want to have to factor in children in my lifestyle.

I'm married, but if I was dating again I probably wouldn't initially rule out men with children just because otherwise your dating pool is so small. But I suspect, in reality, dating men with children just wouldn't work for me as our values and desires would be so different. I'm only early 30s though, so in 15/20 years when the men I'd be dating would have grown up children I might change my mind.

I think I probably could be a decent stepmum though (like I suspect I could be a good dad!), I just don't want to go through pregnancy and being the one the buck always stops with.

Also married, but it would be a dealbreaker for me if I wasn’t. I wouldn’t have any interest at all in either being a step-parent or in arranging my life around the needs and calendar of someone else’s children. I’ve found it quite interesting (and depressing) to watch several friends who chose not to have children end up having them foisted on them anyway because they’ve hooked up with a parent. I think they’re insane.

I wouldn’t automatically rule out someone with adult children, but I’d be surprised if we had enough in common for a relationship to work.

I'm child free, have always never been 100% on wanting children.
My ex had a teenage child, and it put a lot of pressure on our relationship. Not so much the child as such but you can see when a child is doing wrong or taking advantage etc and when you voice your opinion to your partner in a nice way it's always 'what would you know you don't have kids' or 'don't try tell me how to parent my child' but when they wanted advice would come to me.
Think it's definitely put me off dating someone with a child again.

I wouldn’t automatically rule out someone with adult children, but I’d be surprised if we had enough in common for a relationship to work.

Pretty much where I stand.

If I were dating, then anyone with children younger than mid 20s would be an absolute no. Older than that, and independent and moved out, I wouldn't completely rule out but it would be a point in the 'against' column. Our priorities and life experiences would be very different.

If I suddenly became single now, I'd screen out Dads from the pool, even if that restricted my options significantly. I have no interest in being a step parent, but equally no interest in being with an absentee dad as I think in 99% of cases that shows a type of character I'm not interested in!

Should I find myself single much later in life when a potential partners children would be adults, I'd probably be a bit more open to it.

I get what PP are saying about thinking "what would I have in common with them anyway", but given many men seem to carry on with hobbies/life outside their kids I'm not sure that necessarily holds true... I guess it depends on the person in question though!!

I agree with the last part of this, men do just carry on!
Depending on how often they have their child too, I dated someone once and it was like they didn't have a child bar the once a week they stayed over. Never really spoke about them or spoke to them in the days they didn't have them. Which I realise now isn't a good thing in a way.

I’m married but if I ever had to date again, I wouldn’t say no outright but our lives would have to be completely separate. As in we would just date forever (or until we got tired of the situation and ended things), even if that meant seeing each once every fortnight or whatever. My husband works away a lot so not being with a partner 24/7 doesn’t bother me. I would never want to to meet his children, move in together, get married, share finances and all that.

It can feel a bit contradictory can't it? I don't want to spend any time being a step parent, so you'd think a Dad who spent little to no time with their kid(s) would be OK. But at the same time, I think (in the overwhelming majority of cases) Dads who do not to spend any real time with their kid(s) are doing that through choice and are therefore assholes, so I don't want to date them either.

(Sorry, realise that's pretty rude to your ex!! 😁)

Children were a No from me. Dealbreaker. Not interested in playing second fiddle.

Absolutely!
I thought great at first but then I was like hang on this isn't right, what sort of 'dad' barely speaks to their child and when they do or have them it's just both like there in the same house but doing their own thing!
Hindsight is a wonderful thing 🤣😫

I'm 39 and happily childfree by choice.

When my older partner and I met his youngest of three children had just turned 15. He was parenting his son alone as his ex was/is a terrible person and it obviously impacted our relationship somewhat. It was fine though - I knew what I was signing up for and I made it clear I wasn't looking to be a step-parent.

Fast forward a few years and all three of his kids are now in their 20s. It doesn't impact our relationship at all now as they're all independent adults and I get on well with them.

I wouldn't totally rule out dating someone with younger kids in the future, but it would put me off and I'd much rather they were also happily childfree. There just isn't many men like that about!

It’s probably the case that there are far fewer “childfree by choice” men than there are women. Because they have a much better chance of having children without sacrificing everything for them, so why wouldn’t they make that choice?

I'm a married man, and we don't have/want children.

If I became suddenly single, I would only date women without children. I'd say I'm about 1% open to having my own. At 40, I'd say I'm very unlikely to find women without kids...

My wife often comments 'when I'm gone', (depression, and suicidal tendencies), that I'll find someone... so we literally sat together and did a search on a dating site (depressing, I know)... and there were literally five women meeting that criteria within 20 miles. So difficult as it is, I hope she sticks around.

That doesn’t sound like a great situation, C1N1C.

I’m not looking for a committed relationship, so I only have FWB scenarios, and I do at times get involved with single dads there, cos it doesn’t make a difference. But in the event I wanted a committed relationship then absolutely zero chance I’d date a single dad. I have no interest in being involved with someone else’s kids and adjusting my lifestyle around them.

My partner has children, but his relationship with them is very complicated. They were teenagers when we got together and, full disclosure, I was the OW that he left their mum for, so they didn't take it well.
I meet them now and again and they are adults now and we can be civilised with each other. Basically I'm not interested in them and they aren't interested in me. We put up with each other because we all love my partner.

I'm childfree by choice and would never date anyone with children. My current SO of several years also is, thankfully, childfree.

If it came down to it, now that I am 60, I would probably be open to dating someone with adult children but not if the adult kids/grandkids consumed a lot of his time. I don't want to plan my holidays/Christmas/etc. around what the grandkids want to do.

I am married and childfree not through choice, although I am at peace with it. If I had to date again, I would be looking for somebody about my age, currently 53, so children 18+ would probably be acceptable but not younger.

When I was younger, I was not interested in men that already had children.